It Hurts to Love You
by AnimeAmie
Summary: Captured by a sick-minded man and his goons, the turtles were forced to preform unspeakable acts upon each other in order to stay alive. Broken and abused, how long will they last in this man's care and will they ever escape his sick fantasies? OT4 Rape, tcest, ect...2k14
1. Chapter 1

They never thought it would happen like this. In fact, they never really thought about their first time at all; except for Mikey but he was always the dreamer of the group. The others had seen it more as realistically impossible. They didn't dwell on ever finding a partner or even having sex because they were unique.

But, against everything they thought possible, it happened. They had their first time...but it was nothing of what they would have ever imagined it to be like.

Raphael was rough. Yes, he tried to be gentle, he really tried. But even so it wasn't the rough nature of his mating that was the problem.

Leo was vacant. He showed little to no emotion. He closed off and he stopped speaking so much.

Mikey stopped smiling. His wisecracks stopped the moment he knew he was going to lose his virginity. Losing his virginity wasn't what hurt his spirit; it was who he lost it to.

Donnie,...well, it was Donnie's turn right now but they were pretty sure of how the outcome would be.

"You don't have to do this!"

Leo and Mikey were huddled close, listening with their eyes closed and their heads tucked together. The chains hurt their ankles and wrists. Currents of electric shocks were sent through the chains when they were out of line with their movements; even during intercourse.

"Don't touch me! Don't! Please!" Donnie screams bounced off the walls in the small space.

Leo wanted to speak up on Raphael's behalf. Raphael was just as much of a victim as all of them were. He wanted to tell Donnie that Raphael was still their brother and that what he was doing was an action forced by another...but he couldn't. He opened his eyes when he heard Donnie strike Raphael and the zapping to Donnie's chains came shortly after.

"Please, Donnie...Please." Raphael spoke softly, attempting to calm his intelligent brother. He had learned with Leo and Mikey what could be used to calm them from their shudders and quakes.

He tried to kiss Donnie on the temple; Leo always leaned into the touch and recognized that Raphael wasn't the bad guy when he kissed him there.

_Smack!_

It didn't work well with Donnie.

Instead of the affectionate bump of heads he would get with Leo, Raphael got a bloody nose as Donnie bashed his head against it.

Raphael twitched his snout a few times then came back to try another tactic that would help Mikey relax. He reached down, going for Donnie's tail; Mikey liked his tail being pulled during intercourse. It made him chur loudly even through the tears.

Raphael didn't even get a chance to reach Donnie's tail before Donnie grabbed his wrist and kicked his legs at Raph. "Stop!" Donnie screamed out.

Another volt went through Donnie and Raphael held him close as his body shuddered from the shocks.

"Donnie." Leo finally spoke up from where he huddled in his corner with Mikey. "This isn't Raphael's fault..."

Raphael looked over to where his two brother's where but then quickly looked away when Leo looked back to him. He couldn't make eye contact with them; not just yet.

Donnie had tears running down his face. He knew Leo was right but he had just witnessed both of his brothers being raped and now it was his turn. How was he just suppose to accept this?

"I can't just lay back and accept this!" Donnie cried out through his sobs. "...I don't want it..." He whined.

Raphael closed his eyes and he leaned forward, resting his head against Donnie's. "I know...None of us want this. But, Donnie, you know what will happen to us if we don't."

"We can still try and stop this..." Donnie whimpered, finally leaning against Raphael's touch.

"We'll think of something, Donnie...But right now we don't have time to think of a way out." Raphael was now leaning his body closer, getting in-between Donnie's thighs.

"I-I won't forgive you if you do this!" Donnie yelled, frightened again.

Raphael hesitated and that caused another shock to go through Donnie.

Growling, Raphael moved Donnie's legs apart and pulled the smaller turtle closer; chest-to-chest. "I know...I don't expect you to." Raphael glanced toward the others. "Any of you." He closed his eyes. "Because I could never forgive myself..." He leaned forward again and Donnie squirmed and begged and shouted in fear while Raphael positioned himself.

Raphael tried again with Donnie's tail. He pinched and rubbed and massaged the little nub with his fingers. The tail relaxed into Raphael's hold and Raphael was able to push himself into his brother.

Donnie cried out and he shoved against Raphael.

Leo and Mikey huddled closer together, suffering through the sounds of their brother being raped.

It was over in fifteen minutes but the trauma of it lingered in the air along with the heavy scent of musk.

Donnie was released from Raphael's hold and his cries were the only thing to hear as he pulled himself over to his other brothers.

Leo pulled Donnie close and Mikey whimpered as their huddle adjusted to the three of them.

Leo looked across to Raphael who was leaning against the wall, pushing his palms against his head as if trying to dislodge the memories of having to have sex with his three brothers.

Donnie laid his head against Leo's shoulder and curled into his oldest brother for comfort. "I wanna go home. This isn't happening..." He whimpered. His tail was curled in and spots of blood directed a path back to Raphael who would never be able to look at his brothers the same way ever again—He would never be able to look at himself without seeing the monster he is.

There was a low chuckling sound entering the small room over the speakers and a man, who sat in another room of the building, sipped at a glass of wine as he watched his captured turtles do what he ordered them to do over the monitors. Breaking them down was so easy. Why hadn't anyone else been able to break them before?

The corner of his lips curled into a smirk. Maybe he was the first to go that extra mile into the sick and twisted territories of a man's mind that no one reached without being thought of as clinically insane. If so, then he wouldn't mind traveling even further on the path of insanity if it brought him this much joy.

* * *

**Just a thought that's been bugging me lol Had to write it out and, yes, I'm planning to add more to this story lol It's my next big fangirl craze ;D**


	2. Chapter 2

Four hours felt like a lifetime to Mikey; it felt like a second to Leo; and Raphael couldn't even process time at this point—had it been four hours? Or a day? Or a minute...

But after four hours something happened; a hatch opened from up above.

Mikey glanced up, wincing from the blinding ceiling lights and an object was dropped down to land in the middle of the small room.

The three of them looked to the center as the object clanged onto the tiled floor; there was no mistaking one of Raphael's sai.

Raphael felt a nostalgic emotion overtake him but it was quickly replaced with a more powerful thought and he looked from his weapon to his brothers.

At that moment, Mikey and Leo looked from the Sai to Raphael, meeting his eyes. They saw a dark look cloud Raph's eyes and their stomachs churned from it.

"Raph-" Leo said quickly before Raphael lunged forward toward the Sai.

Mikey and Leo jumped toward the weapon as well, causing Donnie to slump from his slumber against Leo's shoulder and hit the ground. "Wha-?" Donnie muttered, blinking his eyes open and glancing toward his brothers.

Raphael grabbed the weapon first, pulling back to his corner of the room while Leo and Mikey felt their chains tighten. Their chains were fed through small holes in the walls behind each of them, tightened and loosening to accommodate their captor's intentions.

Making a hiccuping sound, Mikey sat up straighter while Leo continued to reach out to Raphael who was staring down at his Sai.

_This is it, _Raphael thought,_ this is how it should be..._

He then turned the Sai around and pointed the tip of the blade against his throat.

"Raph!" Mikey's voice was hoarse and he lunged forward again but the leash wouldn't let up and a volt went through his body.

"Stay with your brothers, Mikey." Raph muttered shifting further away and feeling the prick against his skin. He glanced over to them but wished he hadn't.

"You're my brother too..." Mikey whined, tugging at his chains. "I don't blame you! Please, I don't! We need to stay together!"

"Listen, Raph! Please." Leo added and Raphael looked to his older brother who was still reaching out. "You would never do this. The Raphael I know would never do this!"

"The Raphael you knew would _never_ hurt you!" Raph shouted, feeling a painful grip on his heart. "But look what I did to you!"

Michelangelo hiccuped as tears fell and he tried his best to ignore the shocks, jerking his chain to get closer. "Stop it-Stop it! Stop it!" He yelled.

Donnie stayed back, crouching down and quietly watching. He couldn't see much from this distance—his glasses were smashed during the fight before they ended up here—but he knew what was going on. He felt constricted and he looked away to follow his chain with the tips of his fingers. He fingered one of the loops and closed his eyes, listening to them but afraid of contributing to the conversation. What would he say? Would he tell Raphael to stop or encourage him to continue? He was afraid to open his mouth and find out the answer.

Raphael was hesitating, that much was for sure. He didn't want to die. He really wanted to stay with his brothers—make sure they were safe and okay. But he was a weapon against them. Maybe protecting them meant ending himself.

"Don't you dare." Leo's voice was icy now. He could practically hear Raphael's thoughts screaming at him. "Think about what your doing. Do you think it's going to help anything?"

"I'm a monster—"

"Don't even say that!" Mikey shouted.

Leo kept his tone cold. "They'll leave your body here to rot with us." He said. "They'll find other ways to hurt us. You dying will not make this any easier on us—it'll make it worse. We can't lose you."

Raphael closed his eyes and he thought about how much pain he would experience from a sliced throat. He thought about how, when that pain ended, he would be set free from the images he is now forced to live with.

But Leo was right. They would be left alone without him. They would find other ways of torturing them.

Raphael lowered the weapon slightly...but he didn't want to get off that easy. He pulled the blade away from his throat and gave his thigh a deep gash before throwing his Sai to another corner of the room away from them.

It was quiet all for Mikey's hiccuping.

The gash in Raphael's thigh caused his blood to drip onto the floor where smears of dried blood from his brothers had collected. He caused them to bleed in the worst way imaginable. It seemed only right to cause himself to bleed as well. It burned just the way he deserved.

He was frozen for a moment, just staring at his wound, but then he moved after some inner battling and began to crawl over to his two brothers who were still reaching out to him. He could hear his chain cranking from the other side of the wall behind him and restraining him from embracing his brothers. He couldn't get close enough but he reached out his arm and was able to touch Leo's hand.

Mikey laid down to reach out further but he could only get as far as Leo's wrist so he whined and grabbed Leo's wrist, looking to Raph.

They knew that eventually their chains would slack and they would get the opportunity to hold each other again...but that wasn't a time they were exactly looking forward to.

Donnie curled up tighter into himself and blinked the tears from his eyes. The Raphael he knew...the Leo and Mikey he grew up with...His brothers...They weren't the same anymore. And he knew deep down in his gut that they would never be the same again. How could they possibly get over this? He was scared. He couldn't see a bright future ahead of him any more. It was bleak and depressing and filled with painful questions. He was glad Raphael tossed the Sai to the farthest corner from them. He wasn't sure what he would do if he knew he was in reach of it.


	3. Chapter 3

_"Torture us! Maim us! Do whatever you want but you'll never get us to surrender!"_

_"Shut it with the theatrics, Mikey." Raphael growled out in annoyance. The lights above him were giving him such a headache after just having woke up from being sedated._

_"Raphael, you're awake!" Mikey smiled. "You got hit with so many of those tranquilizers, dude!"_

_"Everyone a'ight?" Raphael groaned as he leaned his back against the wall, rubbing his hand over his face._

_"A little disorientated-"_

_"I feel pukey-"_

_"We're fine." Leo said over the brothers whining. "They just brought us here and locked these chains on us." He explained, lifting up the chains on his wrists. As of right now, the chains were only a hefty nuisance._

_Mikey sat down against the opposite wall from Raphael, grinning from ear to ear. Raphael might think he was crazy if he didn't know Mikey and his annoying tendency to smile and laugh through awkward and terrifying situations. Besides, he was pretty sure that Mikey-the optimist of the group-never imagined them in real danger. They were all locked up together but with April O'Neil out there with Vern and Splinter looking for them—Not to mention the youngest turtle still had great faith in his brothers right here-Mikey seemed to never have doubts that they wouldn't find a way to escape and/or be rescued. They also weren't hooked up to any tubes or wires yet, so that was a plus._

_Leo remained standing, playing__ his best intimidating look on his features as he listened for any outside voices, _while Donnie joined Raphael on the floor.

_ "Wonder what these guys want." Raph asked._

_"Eh, the usual, I presume." Donatello answered with a nervous smile. "They want us dead, no doubt. Isn't that what it's always about?"_

_"Well, good luck to them." Raphael gave Donnie a smirk to show that he wasn't worried. "We're hard to kill."_

_"Everything dies." A light voice carried over the speakers above them._

_"Wha-?"_

_"Quiet." Leo raised his fist to signal silence and Raphael shut his mouth with a growl at the order._

_The voice on the speaker continued. "But I don't want to kill you, turtles." An airy laugh followed and joined the rest of the eerie words. "I want to _break_ you."_

_"Yeah, well, we're hard to break, too, bitch!" Raphael shouted, getting up onto his feet._

_"Raph!" Leo snapped at his brother then looked back up, spotting one speaker in the corner. It was hard to see with the blinding lights shining down on them. "Keep your cool, Raph. We're not in any position to start challenging this guy."_

_"Wise Turtle." The voice said with an obvious smile implied. "But the challenge has already been accepted—"_

**_"It hurts!" Mikey sobbed._**

_Raphael glared up at the speakers, snorting at what he saw as a complete joke of a man; a coward who couldn't face them one on one._

**_Leo's mouth bled as he bit down on his tongue._**

_"You wont believe how easy it will be to break you all—" The laughter that followed was loud and pompous. And what followed that was blood and pain..._

**_"Let go of me!"_**

* * *

Raphael gasped and woke up with a start. He pulled his legs in and shuffled back to the wall, looking around frantically. The nightmare still lingered in the back of his mind. In the beginning, he was so confident that there was nothing to be afraid of. He didn't believe the man on the speaker but it was true...they were broken so fast...

Raphael looked over to his brothers. Leo's arm was still outstretched and Mikey had let go of Leo's wrist during his sleep to tuck in closer against his older brother. Donnie was still curled up as far as he could be; all of them were still sleeping.

Raphael's face contorted in pain from the memories and he brought his hands back up, cradling his head. How could this happen? Why did he have to be the one? Why did-?

He blinked away the tears blurring up his vision when he spotted a white substance staining his plastron.

_Oh God,..._

Raphael lowered his hands from his head and hovered them over the mess.

He didn't know any of his brothers had...come to that point of release. He was sure that none of them—Wait. No,...Mikey.

Raphael twitched and tried to shake the thought out of his head. Mikey had come. He could see it in his face when he replayed the image. He had tugged on Mikey's tail too much and...he remembered the moment of painful bliss-the fleeting look of regretful pleasure-behind Mikey's eyes.

"No..." He winced and felt a build up in his stomach. He wanted to vomit. He had...his baby brothers cum on him.

Like a defective robot, he slowly lifted his head and stared across where Leo and Mikey were.

At some point Leo had withdrew his arm and was now hugging onto Mikey.

He dropped his vision back down then began to rub at the mess to get it off while muttering obscenities and growling in frustration. "Get the fuck off of me—get the fuck off—" He whined, trying to freak out as quietly as possible while he removed the cum. As if being forced to cum inside his brothers wasn't bad enough, now he knows that he had given his baby brother an orgasm, too? No, that was wrong on so many levels!

"Raph...?"

Raphael's breath hitched as he looked up, darting his eyes between each brother until he discovered it was Donnie who had spoken. Donnie was still curled up against the wall but his head was slightly lifted from it's slumber and he was squinting in his direction. His brother didn't have his glasses on so Raph was pretty sure his eyes were fucked with trying to make him out.

"What are you doing?" Donnie asked, only able to make out Raphael's furious hand movements and hear his frantic cursing.

"'M not doing anythin', Donnie."

"It doesn't look like it." Donnie was increasingly annoyed that his vision was so poor. "Leo?...Mikey-?"

"They're sleeping."

"We should be thinking of a way out."

"Well, you're the genius." Raphael stopped fussing with the mess on his plastron, seeing as he had gotten it off anyways.

Donnie closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the wall. "Don't put this on me. If you had just waited before, we could have figured something out." He stubbornly stuck to that notion.

"You know that wasn't an option." Raph growled. "You think I would have hurt you guys had I known there was another way?"

"It's what you always do, Raph!" Donnie shouted, scowling at him, and causing Raph to flinch and leo and Mikey to jerk awake.

"Wut's that?" Mikey slurred, getting up onto his hands and knees and looking around unfocused.

Leo grunted and got up to his knees, glaring over his shoulder at Donnie as he tried to register what was going on.

"You always act before you think!" Donnie continued. "I know what was going on! They were threatening to kill us-they were demonstrating what they would do to us if _you_ didn't hurt us! But you didn't act on intelligence! You acted on fear! If you had just slowed down, I could of thought of something!"

"What then! Please tell me what it is that we could have done to get out of this!" Raphael used the wall to support himself as he stood up. "Because you've had plenty of fucking time to think about it now, haven't you? Tell me what we _should_ have done!"

"There's _nothing_ we could have done!" Leo shouted, joining the conversation on Raphael's behalf and getting to his feet as well.

Donnie scowled, pulling himself up, too, while Mikey sat back on his knees and watched his brothers from the floor.

Leo walked over to Donnie, poking a finger at his plastron. "Those blades would have diced us up, Donnie!"

* * *

_"Watch this, little turtles." The man sighed dreamily over the intercom as something big and black dropped down from the hatch in the ceiling and projected an image onto the wall behind Raphael._

_Raphael turned and stepped back, watching the video feed of a room similar to theirs. Inside the room were a group of men. They looked like some of the guys who they were fighting against before getting caught._

_Suddenly there was a whirring sound and, not long after that, sharp blades shot out from pockets in the walls and sliced across the bodies of these men. The blades moved fast back and forth, making sure to cut swiftly and cleanly. From what they could tell, there were four blades; a blade positioned one foot from the ground, three feet from the ground, five feet from the ground and seven feet from the ground. Those positions made it impossible for anyone to duck or jump out of their path._

_The blood splatters were unsettling and the body parts made Michelangelo and Donatello cover their eyes in horror._

_"Your room is designed similar to this one." The voice said._

_Leo walked over to the wall closest to him and ran his fingers over a groove where one of the blades were hidden. "Jesus..."_

_Raphael stared at the video, tightening his fists before punching the wall._

_The image vanished and the projector moved back up through the hatch._

_"That fate doesn't have to be yours, little turtles. Not as long as you do as I say..." He chuckled._

* * *

Donnie looked aside at one of the grooves in the wall where the blades hid. His eyes were glistening with tears and he knew deep down that Leo was right. They wouldn't have had enough time to figure out a way to save themselves.

"It still hurts..." He whispered quietly, afraid of Raphael hearing.

Leo put his hand around Donnie's neck and pulled him into a hug. "Don't let this tear us apart. We've got to stay strong if we want to make it out of here, Donnie." He said softly, embracing Donnie.

Donnie nodded, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. "I can't go through that again, Leo. I can't. What if they make us do it again?" He whimpered.

"Maybe you don't have to." Leo muttered quietly, already reeling his mind for ideas.


	4. Chapter 4

As much as they prayed it wouldn't happen again, their good luck eventually ran out as a song began to crackle over the speakers inside of their room. It sounded old like from a black and white movie or a horror movie.

Mikey gave a shudder and looked to the ground. "Not again." Mikey was pretty sure that the guy was going for creepy when he picked the song; although it had romantic undertones, given their predicament, romance was the farthest thing from their minds.

Raphael pulled his knees up and shook his head. No, he couldn't do it again. He couldn't. _Please, don't make me do it again..._he silently pleaded.

None of them made a move toward each other so after about thirty seconds of just sitting there and listening to the song play, a loud whirring began. They all quickly looked to the grooves in the wall where the blades were revving up to slice through their shells. It was all playing out just like the last time-the song, the frightening sound of the blades- and, once again, Leo was the first to jump into action. He got up and slowly walked over to Raphael's side of the room-the whirring died down as he did so. Leo could feel his chain being fed through the wall, giving him enough slack to be able to reach Raphael.

_"Good turtle."_ That faceless voice spoke cynically over the music and Leo felt a shudder of disgust course through him.

How long does this man sit there and watch them? Does he watch from a room in this building or take his work home with him? Does anyone else watch?

"I'm starting to think we'd be better off cut into little pieces." Raphael mumbles as Leo knelt down beside him.

Mikey scooted back towards Donnie and covered his head, not wanting to hear the sounds his brothers would soon be making.

Leo moved his leg over Raphael's lap but Raph shoved him away. "No."

"Stop it, Raph." Leo frowned, shoving Raph back before returning to his lap.

Raph grabbed Leo's shoulders. "No." He growled.

"We have to." Leo held Raphael's eyes with the same amount of stubbornness.

Donatello put an arm around Mikey. "I just want this all to be over with."

"Donnie, I'm not going to let it happen again to you and Mikey." Leo promised over his shoulder toward his two young brothers. Then turned back to face Raph and put a hand on his shoulder. "I can't stop it from happening to you, Raph...but we'll be okay." He squeezed his shoulder for reassurance. "We got this...we got this, okay. We're not gonna let this guy fuck with us."

"He's not the one fucking us, Leo. He's making us fuck each other." Raphael lost the staring contest with Leo but allowed Leo to move onto his lap again.

Leo thought about that for a second then nodded. "...You're right...Maybe I _can_ help you, Raph."

Raph looked up confused and saw Leo staring toward the speaker now. "How?"

"Maybe we can get him to do it. I'll take it. I can take it."

"What are you sayin'?" Raphael scowled and moved his hands to hold onto Leo's waist tightly. "To let that guy _fuck_ you?" He couldn't believe that was even an option going through Leo's mind. It was fucking absurd! No way would he let anyone hurt Leo that way.

"_Now that's an interesting idea._" The voice mused.

"No! Fuck no!" Raphael snapped at the voice laughing through the speakers and he pulled Leo closer to him. "I'll do it. I'd rather go through with it than have anyone else fucking touch you like that—why would you even fucking consider that!"

"To save you, too." Leo said, still thinking it over.

"Shut up, Leo." Raph growled, pulling Leo's head against his chest so he didn't have to look at him anymore. "Shut up and lets get this over with."

Leo struggled with pulling away but soon gave up and relaxed when Raphael wasn't loosening his grip. He sighed and rested against Raphael's chest, listening to Raphael's throaty growl he made every time he thought about some stranger raping Leo.

When there was no other progress made after a full minutes this time, the whirring began again and Leo instinctively pushed his hand down between them, rubbing Raphael's cloaca.

"Don't." Raphael quickly pushed Leo's hand away, flustered, but continued where Leo left off. It took awhile—damn, it took so long for his body to override his mind-but eventually he came out of his cloaca, hard and ready; or at least as ready as he'll ever be.

Leo raised his hips up so that Raphael could position himself.

Surprisingly, all of them had to admit to themselves that this was going a lot better than their first time. Maybe because they knew now what to expect. Maybe their minds were putting up a defense this time around and blocking off most of what was happening. Whatever was going on, Leo lowered himself down onto his brother's erection and didn't make a sound. Raphael felt his brother's insides clench and unclench around his member but then focused on something else—his breathing, Leo's breathing, the music playing, the white lights above, his Sai over in the corner and the blood on it.

Once Raphael was fully inside of Leo, Leo made a small sigh and rotated his hips. As far as he could assume, once Raphael cums then they could stop. But this time was going to be different. Leo was going to take the place of Donnie and Mikey this time around so maybe he would cum as well. He wasn't looking forward to that at all. He had seen Mikey orgasm onto Raphael. He had seen the innocence ripped away from each of his brothers. Whoever this man was, he wanted to see his life end. He wanted to hurt him badly...but right now he was just a puppet for this man. Leo would even go as far as to let this guy fuck him if that meant protecting his brothers. He wasn't just their leader, he was their older brother and he would do anything for them but he would make sure they got their revenge in the end-

"You don't have to do that."

Leo blinked a couple of times, focusing on Raphael. He felt a few tears fall down his face and realized he was crying. "Do what?"

Raphael moved one hand from Leo's hips to push away Leo's hand from his chest that had been subconsciously rubbing circles against Raphael's plastron. Sure, it felt nice to Raph but he didn't deserve to feel anything remotely calming if Leo was sitting here on his lap crying.

"Sorry." Leo muttered and moved his hand back to hold onto Raphael's shoulder as he moved his hips up and down in a robotic rhythm.

"...Am I hurting you?" Raph asked, watching another tear fall from Leo's eyes.

"No." Leo wiped this tear away and shook his head. "No, you're not hurting me." It was uncomfortable and it burned and...okay, yeah, it hurt. It hurt his body and it hurt his heart but he could tell that Raphael was trying hard not to hurt him. He was more gentle than their first time and he was even letting Leo take control over most of it. "Am I hurting _you_?"

Raphael bit the inside of his cheek...hard. He couldn't possibly fucking laugh at anything while this was going on but...seriously, Leo? "No. It doesn't hurt." And that was the worst part about it. He didn't feel pain, he felt...pleasure. The only thing that hurt was knowing that this was wrong and that he was hurting his brothers. Just like Leo, it hurt his heart and his mental state.

"Does it feel...good?" Leo coughed once to clear his throat awkwardly and internally smacked himself for asking that.

"No!" Raph answered sharply in defense. "Jesus, Leo, don't say shit like that."

"I was just asking. I don't want to do anything wrong and hurt you."

"You're not. And even if you were, I don't want you thinking about it." Raphael shifted and raised up a knee.

Leo leaned back against Raphael's knee to keep his slit from rubbing against Raph's plastron. He didn't want to come out and make things even worse for them. The first time was painful and heart wrenching and traumatizing...this second time around was awkward and humiliating and...definitely still trauma inducing.

"If I go faster-"

"Why are you still talking?" Raph groaned.

"-would it help you...you know...finish sooner?"

"I don't want you to go faster." Raphael really didn't want to cum at all. He was adjusting to the pace and he really didn't want anything to escalate from here.

"I'm just saying, if it'll help you-I don't mind to."

"Yes, you do."

"What I mean is-"

"I don't want you to go faster." Raphael repeated with more irritation.

"But if it doesn't even fucking feel good then how are you going to cum?" Leo snapped back, impatiently.

"Don't _say_ that!" Raphael let go of Leo's hips as if touching him were a disease now.

Leo felt his face heat up and he started to move a little faster, against Raphael's wishes. "Just do what you did last time."

"Last time I made you bleed. I made you all fucking cry." Raphael closed his eyes tightly and turned his hands into fists at his sides.

"Last time you kissed my forehead and told me everything was going to be alright." Leo said softly.

"I had to, you wouldn't stop looking so..._betrayed_!" Raphael squinted his eyes open to peer at Leo and Leo stopped moving up and down and just sat on Raphael's lap.

"I didn't blame you. Not for one second."

"Don't lie. You all did; you all blame me." Raphael said stubbornly.

Leo was quiet. He looked back over to his other brothers and saw Mikey peeking at them from over his own shoulder while Donatello had his back facing them and his head in his hands. He faced Raphael again and started to move his hips once more. He inhaled deeply through his nose then began to rub Raph's shoulders. "We love you, Raphael. Nothing will every change that." He leaned forward and kissed Raphael's temple. "Everything will be alright." He promised, mimicking Raphael's actions from before. "We'll just make the best of this. Just because we're being forced to do something we don't want to do, that doesn't mean we can't-"

"We can't _what_?" Raphael scowled now. "_Enjoy_ it? Leo, that line doesn't even work when you tell us to do chores-it sure as hell isn't going to work in a situation like-_Uhh!_" Raphael blurted out a moan as Leo rotated his hips and pushed down.

"Don't think about it anymore, Raphael." Leo whispered, repeating the motion that sent shivers through Raphael's nerves.

Mikey turned away again and covered his hearing, whimpering from the sounds.


	5. Chapter 5

Donatello cringed as he heard his brothers behind him; the chains rattling, the heavy breathing, the occasional moan and growl. He wasn't even sure if he should be feeling any relief that this time around there was no screaming or crying.

He had to get his mind off of the sounds. He had to forget where he was. So, taking a quick breath, he focused on something else and chanted the numbers quickly. "3.141592653589..."

Mikey let out a shuddering breath and then hiccuped before catching onto Donnie's numbers and glancing over to his brother.

"—7950288..."

Mikey sniffed and leaned against Donnie. "Bro...?"

"—993751058..."

"Donnie?"

Donnie's tone went up and his pace quickened. He began tripping over numbers and losing his place. Then he stopped reciting Pi all together once he reached the farthest number he memorized and he started chanting random numbers instead. "24, 56, 3, 92, 39—"

"Donnie, please don't go berserk right now. Not when we need you the most." Mikey whined, shaking Donnie's shoulder. Mikey can understand Donnie wanting to escape into some weird alternate universe composed only of numbers but he needed his brother to stay on earth and stay by his side. He couldn't be strong without all of his brother's backing him up and sticking shell to shell with him.

"2,...49,...12,..." Donnie's shoulders were shaking now. "...12."

Mikey rubbed Donnie's shell and tilted his head to try and get a better angle at his brother's face. "Hey,...Hey, Donnie. Remember when we were back at the lair and you were helping me fix up my board?"

Donnie bit his lip hard, squeezing his eyes shut. He could picture it. Mikey was poking at all his gadgets while he tried to concentrate on upgrading the skateboard.

"You're so awesome with stuff like that, man. I'm so jealous." Mikey smiled with worried eyes. He was usually a lot better at cheering up his brothers. "I never really thanked you, did I? You pimped the hell out of my board and I'm still trying to figure out all the new buttons you put in."

Donnie muttered a generic 'thanks' and wiped the back of his hand across his snout. It was a nice try, but the conversation was not nearly as distracting as Mikey was probably hoping it was. Donnie could still single out a moan from Leo and the sounds of intercourse could never be fully blocked out.

"I bet Splinter is already tracking us down."

Donnie shook his head. "He can't possibly know where we are. We shouldn't have left the sewers. We should have _never_ left the sewers. Ever."

"Donnie, you don't mean that." Mikey tugged Donnie's arm, making his brother look down at him. "We're heroes, Donnie. We save people." He said with an easier smile.

Donnie barked a laugh that was so unexpected even Leo and Raph looked over from across the room. "Save people, sure, yeah we do."

Mikey frowned at the tone in Donnie's voice.

"But when we need saving, who has our backs, Mikey? We risk our lives to save people and _this_ is what we get from it!" Donnie was shouting now and Mikey held on tighter to Donnie's arm.

"Keep your voice down, Donnie." Mikey said but Donnie pulled away from his younger brother and got to his feet.

"No one's here to save us!" He gestured over to Leo and Raphael who stopped all together to watch Donnie. Some time ago, Raphael and Leo's position had changed and Leo was on his shell with Raphael between his legs.

"Why do we risk our lives for this! Why do we risk everything! _Why_!? I want to know why it's _our_ responsibilities to protect these people and why we have to get hurt!"

"Donnie." Leo whispered sadly.

_"Always the inquisitive turtle."_ The voice overhead chuckled.

"They call us freaks!" Donnie's voice cracked, ignoring the voice of the man tormenting them. He reached up, rubbing his eyes; everything was such a blur. "Can't anyone see how messed up this is!" He shouted.

The laughter above abruptly stopped and, as Donnie took a step toward Leo and Raphael, a violent jolt of pain shot through him as he was zapped with voltage. He dropped to his knees, crying out, and Leo quickly sat up and pushed Raphael back. "Don—!"

It was unusual for the volts to last longer than a few seconds so when Donnie was still writhing on the floor in pain, Raphael pulled out of Leo and moved across to Donnie. "Stop it! Just fucking stop! We're doing what you want! Stop fucking hurting him!" Raphael yelled up at the faceless man. His chains were slack enough to where Raphael could actually reached Donnie and touch his shoulder. He could feel the electricity flow from Donnie and into his hand, making him pull his hand away instinctively at first touch. Then he hyped himself up by yelling out and he grabbed onto his brother, pulling him up into his arms and feeling every sting of electrocution along with Donnie. "Turn it off!" He yelled, holding the back of Donnie's head as Donnie's body jerked.

Leo wanted to move a lot faster but a dull throbbing inside of him from where Raphael had just been was making it hard for Leo to stand. Had it been for any other reason he probably would have been able to push through the throb a lot faster but his mind was still sensitive to what had just happened between him and Raphael. He got onto his hands and knees, shuddering with the effort, then moved his leg into a kneeling position in order to stand up. By then, the shocks flowing through Donnie finally stopped.

Donnie was a whimpering mess in Raphael's arms. He was stuck in a self loathing mindset and just wanted to lay limp against his stronger brother. What was the point of really caring what happened any more if this man could do virtually anything to them and they could do nothing to stop it?

Raphael took up the responsibility of Donnie by holding him close and simultaneously telling the faceless man off.

Mikey was pulling at his chain to get as close as he could to Donnie and Raphael but it was too short and wouldn't give way.

Leo groaned and rested his palm against the wall, taking a few deep breaths. He felt something wet against his hand and glanced aside to see water leaking from the hole where Raphael's chain was fed through. "What the-?" The water started out as a dribble but the flow increased until he was now kneeling in a puddle of it.

"Leo?" Mikey called out, startled to noticed the same development happening from the holes where their three chains were being fed through. "Is he trying to drown us?!" He freaked.

Raphael held tighter onto Donnie, watching the water pour into their room. "No—No! What the hell are you doing!" He yelled up to the speakers. It was now that they realized the man had stopped talking to them all together. They hadn't heard anything from him for awhile and it seemed unusual for the guy not to boast and laugh while tormenting them.

The top blade shot out from the groove in the wall and sliced across the room with a sharp sound, causing their hearts to stop. Had any of them been standing, it would had taken their heads clear off. The blade sliced back across, retracting back to its groove in the wall.

"He's planning on killing us!" Mikey jerked at his chain harder, desperately trying to snap it off.

"Keep your heads down!" Leo ordered, getting back on his hands and knees and crawling over to Raphael and Donatello. "How is he?" He sat back and reached out to Donnie, cupping his face.

"I think he'll be okay." Raphael held Donnie tighter when he felt the water sloshing up against him. It was freezing and Raphael scooped up Donatello in his arms to hold him off of the ground while Leo moved over to a frantic Mikey.

"Mikey, hold on." Leo grabbed at his little brother's chain and braced one foot against the wall, seeing if they could both get the chain to break. "If he's going to kill us off then we have to do everything we can to figure a way out."

"Donnie's usually good at escape plans like this." Mikey whined, looking back to his weakened brother.

"Well, will just have to think of something ourselves and fast!" Raphael snapped.

"_My sons-!_"

Leo stopped pulling on Mikey's chain and they all-excluding Donnie-looked up to the speakers.

Mikey gasped. "Dad!"

"Master Splinter?" Leo's mouth was agape.

"How did-?" Raphael felt something light wash over him. At first it was hope that they might get out of this soon but then it turned into a hard rock that settled into the pit of his stomach. If his sensei had seen anything that he had done to his brothers...He shuddered and pulled Donnie in closer.

Mikey was still staring up at the speakers, waiting for his dad to keep talking to him, but Leo went back to tugging on Mikey's chain. The lights flickered then turned back on and Leo growled, looking up to them.

Mikey's eyes widened in realization. "Wait...Wait! I got something." He said, pointing up to the ceiling. "Yeah, I got something. I've got a plan." He smiled, giddy. "The water will bring us up to the hatch! We can bust it open! We can get out of here."

Raphael rolled his eyes. "Oh yeah? What about our chains, dufus?"

Mikey's smile froze then began to diminish as he tugged again at his chains. "Oh...right."

"We already thought about that. Not to mention that blade could cut across again at any moment if we try and reach that hatch." Raphael looked back down to Donnie when he heard him muttering.

"Any of the blades could go off." Leo sighed, still holding onto Mikey's chain that connected to his brothers right ankle.

"Why can't you break them, Raph? You're stronger than all of us!" Mikey whined.

"Quiet, I can't hear Donnie!" Raphael scolded and lowered his head down to his brother's mouth to listen more carefully.

"2,...4...9, 6-5...9" Donnie muttered. "2, 4...9, 6...5...9..."

Raphael frowned and pulled back. "Never mind. He's in his nerd world." He rested his chin onto Donnie's head, keeping him close and watching as the water pressure increased through the holes.

Leo kept staring up at the ceiling until he felt the chain go slack around his ankle and fall off. He turned to it in shock and sat back, watching the chain on his other ankle unlock and do the same. "Wha-?"

"Donnie's right." Mikey started to cry. "We help everyone and no one helps us."

Raphael blinked, noticing Leo's chain's unlock as well. "I'll be damned..."

"I'll never get to see Master again or April-"

"Mikey." Leo grabbed Mikey's shoulder.

"-or that other guy-"

Leo shook Mikey's shoulder and Mikey sniffled and looked to his older brother. "What?" Mikey's chains suddenly clanged to the floor after that and Mikey's breath hitched, confused and startled at the same time. "_What!? How?"_

"It's Sensei..." Raphael allowed himself to smile. "He's setting us free."

Donnie's chains slacked off next and Raphael stood up with his brother still in his arms. He hunched over, still concerned about the top blade. "I guess Mikey's plan will work after all." He smirked, looking up to the hatch above them.


	6. Chapter 6

**I thought you guys might like to see what was happening in chapter five but from a different perspective ;3**

* * *

"Always the inquisitive turtle." A man, isolated inside of a dark room that was filled with controls and video monitors, chuckled as he watched the blind turtle go into a rant. Oh how he loved his new collection of mutant turtles. Although the turtles were not his only prisoners but, in fact, that of many who he tortured daily, they were his current fixation and favorite specimens to play with.

The man's schedule was full today and he had many wonderfully sick things planned for this hour of fun with his turtles but one unexpected guess interfered with his schedule and caused him to postpone his delight in watching the turtles mate with one another.

There was one door to this dark little room and outside of that door stood two bodyguards who kept the hallways clear. Inside, there was the man, his gadgets, and a vent that gave access to a ventilation duct.

It was not through the ventilation duct that his surprised visitor had came from but through the door.

There was a scuffle outside of the door that had immediately stopped the man's laughter and caused him to turn in his seat.

The door-lock snapped as it was kicked open and a long rat tail shot through and coiled around his neck. Before the man was pulled out of his seat, he quickly slammed his fist onto one of the buttons that caused Donatello's body to jerk on screen as volts of electricity began to course through him.

Splinter pulled him up and suspended the man in the air as he entered the small room.

Splinter had been looking everywhere for his sons. With the little information that he got from April, he was able to finally track down the location to a desolate building that was not so abandoned as it appeared on the outside.

"Ah, You must be...Master Splinter." The man choked, giving Splinter a large toothy grin. "I hope you don't mind that I've brought your turtles over to my place for a-play date!" He choked on the last words as Splinter squeezed the man's neck with his tail.

Then Splinter flung the man aside, listening to the cabinets collapse from the man's weight, and stepped forward toward the monitors to check on the status of his sons.

"Donatello." He whispered, his voice filled with worry as he watched his intelligently gifted son being pulled into Raphael's arms. He could hear his sons faintly from the speakers.

"_Turn it off!_" He had heard Raphael yell out.

Splinter looked away from the monitors to the controls and hovered his hand over the buttons. He registered that the red button with a purple sticker on it was the one the man had pushed right before he had pulled him into the air. Taking a chance, Splinter tapped the button and looked back up to the screen, relieved to see Donnie was no longer shaking in pain.

He then heard a series of insults being shouted from Raphael and Splinter tsked as he looked over the buttons again, hoping to find one that would release them.

"You're not much of a computer guy...are you?"

Splinter turned to the man who was pushing one of the cabinets off of him as he slowly got to his feet. He took a stance, ready to get the answers out of this man in order to free his sons.

"Don't worry. I give up." The man raised his hands. "I'm a nerd not a fighter." He took careful steps over to the monitor.

"Who are you?"

"I'll set them free." The man was slowly inching his hand toward a keypad. "I just need to type in the keycode and I can set them loose."

"I do not trust you."

"Shredder hired me to distract the turtles and I distracted them. I was only meant to keep them for a day but I've taken them for longer than intended."

Splinters ear twitched, unsure of what to make of this man's excuse. He could see something dark in the man's eyes; something unforgiving. He knew not to believe a word of what he was saying. "If you do not set them free, I will attack you with no regard toward your limited fighting skills. I will not hesitate to kill you if you harm my sons."

The man slowly began to type in the passcode. "I'm taking that into consideration." The man said before pressing enter.

Splinter glanced toward the screen, hoping to see the chains drop to the floor but instead noticed water was now leaking into the room.

"_Is he trying to drown us_?!" Mikey freaked from the monitor.

Splinter growled and he turned back to the man, whipping his tail out to strike him.

The man ducked and reached out his arm so that the tail would coil around it. "I didn't lie completely. Shredder _did_ hire me for a job. But I'm not just a nerd." He chuckled and pulled on Splinters tail, forcing the rat to skid forward and fall off of his feet. "I'm a mutant." He vanished before Splinters eyes and Splinter was able to recoil his tail as he got back to his feet.

There was a tapping sound against the buttons and Splinter swiped his tail, knocking an invisible force down while doing so. He had caught the image of a blade slicing across the room but noticed it did no damage to his sons.

"I'd like to think I'm better than you." The faceless man mused and Splinter attacked where he had heard the voice but found nothing but air. Then the voice came from behind him. "I was a human experiment-and we all know that humans exceed animals in numerous ways to begin with. My genetic-"

Splinter attacked where he thought him to be next and was able to clip something but not grab onto anything.

"_Ha_!-My genetic coding was configured to do amazing things. Yes, it hurt. And, yes, my perception on everything had changed but I like to think it changed for the better."

"I do not care who you are or what happened to you in the past. You have hurt my family and for that I will not rest until they are forever safe from your-" Splinter quickly ducked when he felt the presence of something behind him and barely missed being hit in the head with the computer chair. He kicked back, making contact with what he could assume was the man's stomach. Having a general idea of where the man was now, Splinter attacked. He pounced the man, feeling something large hit the floor under him. Then his fists went flying and he even anticipated a few return punches that he was easily able to dodge. Then there was an unexpected hit and Splinter was knocked back and then kicked off of the man's invisible form.

Splinter reeled back into the monitor system and grabbed the desk for support. He saw the speaker in front of him and quickly grabbed onto it, pressing down the button to speak into the microphone. "My sons-!" He shouted but was cut off when the man grabbed his tail and jerked him back.

"Turning invisible isn't the only quality that I have mastered since the successful experimentation." The man said, snapping a few of the small bones inside of Splinter's tail before Splinter had pulled his tail back. "If you haven't noticed yet, though you probably have, you're constantly battling inner thoughts that are keeping you from focusing on one thing at hand." The man turned visible again and Splinter glared into his eyes. He wanted to check up the condition of his sons but this man needed to be dealt with first...he stole a quick glace at the monitors and the man laughed a deep and throaty laugh. "There!" He grinned. "Right _there_, that's exactly what I mean. Your sons are very important to you."

Splinter growled and looked back to the man getting into another stances.

"You might want to check up on them again." The man grinned wider.

"I'll deal with _you_ first."

The mans grin darkened and Splinter felt an overpowering need to look back to the monitor. If he was honest with himself, he wanted to ignore this man altogether but...that wasn't really being honest with himself, was it? Ignoring him would be a mistake.

"Go ahead, Master Splinter. Take a look at your sons. Keep an eye on them. Make sure nothing happens to them—you know, they're very weak minded, your sons."

"My sons are strong!"

"It was easy for me to capture them." The man continued. "They just...stopped paying attention to me and started to focus on other things. It took me awhile to realize I had this sort of gift. It's not your typical art of distraction methods. I can feel myself slipping through the cracks of your mind. Eventually I wonder just how far I can go...how much I can learn inside of your mind. I could do all sorts of things, I bet."

Splinter looked back to the monitor then shook his head and glared back at the man. No, he was a master at focused meditation. He would not succumb to this man's games.

"The fun thing is, your turtles fell for my mind games while being captured...but it didn't take much effort to get them to play inside of that room. A few threats is all that really did it...Do you want to know what I made your sons do to each other?" His eyes seemed impossibly black as he spoke. His tone was dark and filled with venom.

Splinter realized that his stance was lacking.

"Lets just say...it's a good thing male's lack the ability to carry children."

Splinter blinked the looked away from the man to turn fully toward the monitors and look at his sons. What the man had said was registering slowly in Splinter's mind. No father wants to come to terms with their sons being forced to mate together and Splinters eyes became wet as he watched the room fill with water. Then his eyes drifted over to a row of red blinking switches and the letters _'Mr, Ml, Rr, Rl, Lr, Ll, Dr, Dl'_ taped over each of them. By assumption, he concluded the first letters to be the first initial of his sons names; Michelangelo, Raphael Leonardo and Donatello. He wasn't sure what the repeating letter '_r_' and '_l_' meant but some hunch inside of him told him that these red blinking switches were important to his sons' freedom. They had a glass case covering so obviously they were something that were not meant to be intended for constant use. Knowing this man, he wouldn't keep a torture device locked in a case, he would use the torture device. Splinter wished he was as smart as his intelligent son sometimes but he knew a lot about other things and his instincts were strong as ever.

"Leonardo seemed to especially enjoy the sex of his brother Raph—_Kch_!" The man's voice was cut off as Splinter's tail whipped around his neck and squeezed with no mercy. Splinter reached out and smashed the case, immediately flipping one of the switches and watching the monitor to see the result. He watched as Leo's right ankle chain slacked off and fell into the water. Quickly, Splinter flicked the other switch and Leo was free.

The man behind him grabbed the back of Splinters neck and Splinter reached up to his neck momentarily before quickly going back and unlocking Michelangelo's chains next.

"You'll—never-have your sons back-!" The man shouted through choked words. Had Splinters tail not been broken, he would have applied sufficient amount of strength to caused the man to either lose consciousness or, better yet, die. He unlocked Donatello's chains next but then felt a sharp object stab into his back and Splinter yelled out. His tail loosened from around the man's neck enough so that the man could finally breathe again. The object dug in deeper and Splinter tried to reach behind him but he was shoved unceremoniously aside.

A pen was sticking out of Splinter's back as he fell to the floor.

"I'm not gone from your mind completely...and you can very well guarantee that I won't leave any time soon..." The man rubbed his neck and winced. "You have an interesting mind. I will enjoy locking you up and dissecting _every_ part of your brain."

Splinter cringed and reached behind, grabbing the pen and pulling it out. It was true, he could still feel the man inside of his mind. He couldn't explain the feeling but he knew his mind was being probed.

But if there was a vessel between their minds, then there had to be some way to fight back with it.

Splinter slowly got to his feet but the man turned invisible for an added defense.

"Why did you take my sons?" Splinter asked, sitting up on his knees.

"I told you why; for a play date." The humor in the man's voice came back.

"You said that Shredder—"

"He hired me to destroy them...and that's exactly what I'm doing. Perhaps not the way Shredder intended...but they'll never be the same again." The faceless man was then heard typing something on the keyboards. "Let's increase the water level, shall we? They may be unchained but they still wont make it out in time." He grinned. "And if they try anything, I'll just send out the blades."

Splinter sat on the ground and stared at the monitor of his sons...just the way the man wanted him to.

Splinter soon closed his eyes and drifted into deep meditation while the man watched the screen and pulled his chair back over to enjoy the show more comfortably. This was perfect. A great show and a new pet at his side. No more interruptions.


	7. Chapter 7

The water was up to their knees and shooting from the holes in the walls like a fire hose had been hooked up on the other side. "The pressure's high, stay back!" Leo warned but his brother's didn't need to be told; Raphael stayed in the center of the room, standing to the side from the direction of the streams, while Michelangelo pushed himself up against the wall beside his oldest brother.

"It's f-f-freeezing!" Mikey complained, shivering and huddling closer to Leo. "I wish the room w-would hurry up and fill with water so we can reach the t-t-top!" He yelled over the sound of rushing water.

"W-we don't have to wait. Leo, get on my shoulders." Raphael said, muttering his words to keep from stuttering as much as Mikey. "Y-you might be able to reach."

"Good idea." Leo turned around, facing Mikey, who took the new position to come closer and nuzzle his face against Leo's plastron. "Mikey, you go first."

"_Ehh_," Mikey began to rub the side of his face against Leo to warm up. "Y-yeah,...I can do it..." He said, feeling Leo touch his shoulder and push him gently through the water toward Raphael.

Raphael looked down at Donatello in his arms then sighed. "What do I do about Donnie?"

"We should d-drop him in the water. W-wake him up that way, you know?" Mikey suggested with chattering teeth.

"Eh, I don't know about that. Might shock him worse, r-right, Leo?"

Leo nodded but he took Mikey's idea into consideration. "Here." Leo splashed Don's face with the cold water, hoping it might help. It wasn't a full body immersion but, in the end, it turned out to be a good way for Donnie to snap out of it.

Donnie jerked his head to tuck against Raphael's plastron when the water hit his face. "_Ah_!"

Mikey came closer and put a shaking hand on his brother's shoulder. "You're okay. W-we're getting out of here, Donnie."

Donnie turned his head back and looked over to Mikey, blinking tiredly.

Raphael was slowly lowering Donnie to the ground but, soon as Donnie touch the water, he struggled and kicked back up into Raphael's arms. "That's cold!" He shuddered and held on tighter to his brother.

"You're gonna have to suck it up." Raphael growled. "We can't baby you right now. We have to get out of this fucking hellhole."

Donnie stared up at Raphael and Raph quickly turned his head aside, avoiding the eye contact.

Donnie lowered his eyes then pulled away and slowly began to drop his legs into the water. "_Haa_!" He gasped and held his arms out as he walked on the tips of his toes toward Leo who circled an arm around him and checked him over.

"How are you f-feeling?" Leo's asked with chattering teeth.

"I'm n-not sure how to a-...answer that." Donnie muttered honestly and watched as Mikey and Raphael began the next step of their plan.

Mikey was always the best at acrobatic moves but the icy water made his movements less fluid than they normally were. Still, he was able to climb onto Raphael's shoulders and balance with the help of Raphael grabbing his ankles in place.

"Frickin' hell, please tell me you can reach it-!" Raphael groaned in discomfort from Mikey clumsily standing on his shoulders.

"I can reach it!" Mikey knocked his fist against the hatch and it popped open easier than he thought it would.

"Damn, this is actually w-working." Raphael tightened his hold on Mikey when his little brother wavered slightly. "Do you fit?"

Mikey became unbalanced as he tried to reach for the edges. "Let go of my ankles, Raphael. I can jump up and reach it better."

"Alright, you ready?"

"Yeah, I'm ready."

Raphael let go of Mikey's ankles and Mikey pushed off and grabbed the edge of the ceiling, pulling himself up through the hole. His shell scraped against the corners but he managed to slip through easily enough—and just in time, too.

Raphael and his brothers only had a split second warning of a loud whirring sound before they ducked low as the top blade sliced across the top of them, missing the opportunity to take off their heads.

"Shit, it almost got Mikey!" Raphael stayed low and the blade swung back across, tucking back into the groove. Then he looked up and saw Mikey looking down at them through the hole.

"Who's next?" Mikey asked, leaning through and holding out his hand. "I can help pull you guys up!"

"We were lucky that time! What if the next time is different!" Raphael snapped. "I ain't gonna be responsible for any of you getting fucking split in half by that blade."

"We have to try. Mikey made it." Leo said, tapping Donnie's shoulder. "You're next." Raphael growled at Leo's ordering around and Leo narrowed his eyes to his short-fuse brother. "Listen, we either take our chances trying to survive or we die in here doing nothing." Leo scolded.

Donnie reached out and grabbed onto Raphael's shell. Raphael hated this but he hoisted Donnie onto his shoulders and Donnie continued up until he was standing and reaching out to Mikey.

Mikey wasted no time in grabbing onto Donnie's arm and pulling his brother up through the hole. Donnie was slimmer than his brothers but he still cringed when his shell grated against the corners as he was being pulled through. He sat beside Mikey and looked around. The hatch led into an attic-like tunnel with small lights pressed into the side walls. It was cluttered with things on the wall and had a collection of tangled cords on the floor. He noticed the projector hovering on a pole above them in a perfect position to lower down into the room whenever necessary. Donnie assumed that someone had come through on orders to lower the projector or drop down the Sai. Looking down the tunnel on both sides, Donnie saw other hatches and wondered where they led; to other prisoners or to the man who locked them up in here.

Leo stared up at his younger brothers who were free. "Nothing happened that time."

"Count your blessings." Raphael murmured then bowed down for Leo to get on top of his shoulders next.

Leo took a step back from Raphael, bowing his head a little and making Raphael look up with confusion. "What's wrong?"

Leo shook his head. "Your chains are still locked on." He said.

Raphael held up his hands looking at the chains. "Yeah, I know. Guess Sensei must be in trouble or something and he hasn't gotten to me yet."

Leo sighed from the unsettling theory.

"What does this mean?" Mikey asked, sticking his head through the hole, worried.

"Nothing. We go with the same plan. Come on, Leo. Stop being a stubborn ass and get up there with Don and Mike." Raphael ordered, hunching down again for his brother.

Leo understood Raphael's mindset. He could tell that Raphael wasn't planning on being set free. His hotheaded brother was just...accepting it and making sure his brothers got out alive. "No." He said, looking up to Donnie and Mikey. "Raphael's right. Master Splinter must be in trouble. We need you two to go find him and help him. You guys can find the key to Raphael's chains out there." He ordered.

"You need to go with them." Raphael demanded, standing up to his full height. There was no budging from this. Leo needed to stop always acting like an older brother to him. He could take care of himself. It was Donnie and Mikey that needed their older brother to help guide them. "You need to go with-"

"I'll stay here with you." Leo interrupted then looked back up to his younger brothers who both seemed torn at the idea of leaving them behind. "That way, if you guys don't find it in time, maybe Raphael and I can pull the chains off together."

"Like hell you're staying!" Raphael grabbed Leo by his shell. "Get out of here, Leo!"

Leo glared at Raphael; both of them forcing the eye contact and both of them stubborn.

"We're wasting time." Leo said coldly.

"Don't do that." Raphael growled. "Don't drop your tone and think that you're still calling the shots just because your fucking older. I'll throw you up through that fucking hatch if I have to."

Leo jerked out of Raphael's grip. "Mikey, Donnie, go! Stop wasting time and find Master Splinter! Set Raphael free!"

Donnie nodded once, understanding their limited time. Leo was right. They needed to hurry up and do whatever they could to save Raphael. He wasn't going to wait for Raphael and Leo to come to any terms on if Leo was coming or not. He grabbed Mikey, pulling him down the tunnels and following the lights to their destination.

"You fucking asshole!" Raphael sloshed through the water toward Leo and pulled back his fist to fight him but the chain wouldn't reach and it was straining to try and make a swing. He gave up eventually and stepped back yelling out in aggravation. "You should have fucking left, Leo! You know they won't be able to get me out in time. They have no idea where this guy is!"

"You don't know what's going to happen."

"I know what's going to happen if they don't find him in time. I'm going to fucking drown down here and you're going to, _what_, just stay here and watch?!"

"I won't leave you, Raphael." Leo took a step closer but Raphael shoved Leo and turned his back to him.

"That's fucking suicide, you moron."

Leo took another step closer and reached out, touching the duct tape crossed against Raphael's shell. "We can still try and break your chains free."

"I've tried. You've tried. We all tried, Leo!" He raised up his chains, glaring hatefully at them. "He made sure we wouldn't be able to get out of them that easily." He turned back to Leo and shoved him again. "Why don't you just fucking accept that this is how it's meant to be!"

"Stop fighting with me."

"Why should I stop! I don't think I've beat the fact far enough into your brain that you're an idiot!"

"I don't want this to be how we spend our last moment."

Raphael pulled back not entirely registering the defeat in Leo's tone at first. Then it settled in and Raphael looked down and slowly relaxed his body. His eyes were wide but only to keep the tears from being squeezed out. So it was clear that Leo didn't have much faith in Mikey or Donnie getting him out in time, either. Raphael raised up his chains then dropped them again; guess they had something in common right now.

"I don't want this to be your last moment at all." Raphael said no longer shouting.

Leo came closer, pushing through the water until he was in front of Raphael. He reached up, cupping Raphael's face, and wiped away a stray tear. "I would never abandon you; not in a fight and certainly not right now."

"Ay, cut it out." Raphael's face scrunched up and he pulled back from Leo's hand. "You're my brother not my mother. I don't need you to stay here and comfort me. You're not abandoning me if I _want_ you to leave." Raphael was whispering now, afraid of his voice cracking.

"Shh," Leo moved closer and he rested his head against Raphael's plastron. He closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around his brother.

"You have so much to live for, Leo." Raphael continued despite Leo trying to quiet him down. "You're so fucking talented. A-and Donnie and Mikey would be devastated if anything happened to you. They need you and you know that."

Leo held Raphael tighter.

"And, me,...this is what I want." Raphael finally admitted. "This is how it should be. Who knows, maybe Sensei saw what I did to you three and he agrees. Maybe this isn't a mistake, Leo."

"I'll cut out your tongue the next time you say that Sensei would ever do something like this to you intentionally." Leo mumbled, nuzzling Raphael to keep warm.

"Stop hugging me..." He frowned, but made no more attempts to push Leo away. He shut his eyes, letting his tears fall. "I don't deserve it."

Leo wished Raphael would stop saying that but he didn't relent in his hug. "I love you, Raph."

Raphael slowly brought up his arms and circled them around Leo, returning the hug. "I'm...scared." He admitted in a shaky breath and ducked his head down against his big brother's neck. It had been a long time since Raphael was comforted by his big brother and the first time Raphael actually accepted his comfort—_too bad it'll be the last time too_, Raphael thought painfully. "Please, promise me that when I die you'll get out of here. You'll go find Mikey and Don and you'll look after them."

Leo closed his eyes, holding Raphael tighter, and made a hiccuping sound as he forced back his sobs. "I promise." He rubbed Raphael shell and kissed his cheek.

Raphael pulled back slightly and looked at Leo.

Leo looked back with telltale signs of heartbreak in his eyes. He leaned forward but Raphael pulled back. Leo reached up to hold the back of Raphael's head and he gently pulled Raphael closer again.

Raphael went rigid as Leo pulled him closer, knowing what was going on but not sure how to handle it. Then Leo push their lips together and Raphael shut his eyes tightly, waiting to see what happened next.

Leo closed his eyes softly, just pressing their lips together until he felt Raphael finally relax. Then Raphael tightened his hold around Leo and tilted his head with parted lips. Leo pushed his tongue inside along Raphael's tongue, deepening their kiss.

They no longer thought about the man who captured them or the water rising into their room; they weren't trying to think about the weird feelings that were bubbling inside of them...They just became lost in something that they couldn't explain and they accepted that.

* * *

**7 minutes earlier**

_"Alright, you ready?"_

_"Yeah, I'm ready."_

The man smirked, watching the brothers. His finger hovered above the button that would cause the top blade to shoot across.

He grinned and was just about to tap it when...he blinked constantly and shook his head, rubbing his temples. "_Aah_..." Some kind of migraine shot through his head. He rubbed his eyes then looked back at the screen and saw that the youngest turtle had jumped up and was crawling through the hatch. "No!" He growled and slammed his finger onto the button, hoping to take off the heads of the remaining brothers. "_Ah_!" He didn't even get a chance to see if he had injured or killed any of them before jumping out of his seat and pressing his hands against his temples. "What the hell-?" He peered over to Splinter who still sat motionless in meditation.

The man fell back into his seat and closed his eyes tightly, trying to focus on Splinter's mind. Something was wrong. Something was blocking him and he was finding it hard to travel to certain parts that had once been easy to travel through.

The human (or mutant rat)'s brain was like that of a computer; easy for the man to hack into. All you needed was to understand the system and learn the codes. The man could hack computers and brains just as easily as he can press a button.

But there were always precautions that need to be taken. As a hacker, one mistake can unravel everything you've been working at and, right now, Splinter was that mistake. He had underestimated his opponent. He didn't think Splinter would be able to fight back in this way.

The man tried to focus himself again. He couldn't pay any attention to his turtles right now. He had to first free his mind from any damage the rat could do...and then destroy this rat's mind.


	8. Chapter 8

"Check." Don grunted as he lifted up another of the several hatches they were passing by.

Mikey leaned over, looking down into the room, but then pulled back suddenly, "close it—!" and covered his face from not only the awful smell that permeated from the small room but the horrible sight of blood and chunks of body within.

Don quickly let go of the hatch, letting it fall close, and gagged from the smell as well. If his eyesight was just a little bit better, he wouldn't need to feel so dependent on Mikey for this mission. He came over to his little brother, grabbing his shoulder. "Let's keep going. We have to find a way out of this place."

"All these hatches lead to prisoners and death. It's like we're trapped inside of a tomb!"

"We don't have a lot of time, Mikey. If we don't hurry, Raphael will be trapped here forever."

Mikey nodded, pushing the horrific images aside and carrying on down the tunnels with Don. All of these hatches contained people—mostly foot clan soldiers, Mikey noticed—that were subjected to horrors that Mikey had never witnessed before; and he dealt with bad guys all the time! But this time around, they weren't dealing with just any 'bad guy'. They were dealing with a horrible monster. If being a hero meant having to take on monsters like this, Mikey was no longer confident in himself to able to handle this lifestyle anymore.

Each hatch was another shock to his system and the next one did not disappoint in giving Mikey chills; a man—if you can call that pale and gangling species a man—was tucked up in the corner of the room, gnawing on what could instantly be describe as the arm of another victim.

"I'll never be able to sleep again." Mikey said, his voice void of any emotion—it was hard to find the right one to express how he felt.

"What's that up ahead?" Donnie asked as they continued on. It was a large red blur but Mikey was able to make out the features easily.

"I-It's a door!" Relief washed over Mikey. No more looking into hatches—this had to be their way to freedom. He made it to the door first and grabbed the handle, pulling it open. The door led to an upward stairwell and Mikey didn't hesitate in climbing the stairs.

Donnie stayed close on Mikey's heels.

When they reached the top, they burst through another door and stumbled into a hallway. The paint was peeling, most of the doors were busted down, the carpet was stained and littered with debris; it looked like the inside of an abandoned office building. Natural light poured through some of the broken doors into the hallways and when the brothers looked into one of the rooms they saw that the room inside was half gone; it appeared to be from the outcome of a long ago explosion against the side of the building that had probably shut this place down in the first place.

"Where are we?"

"Not sure." Don asked, squinting his eyes as he stared out the large hole to the vacant lots outside. "Looks like we're in a deserted part of the city."

"Not so deserted after all." Mikey muttered. "Are you telling me that all of these horrible things have been happening to these people right under our own noses?" Mikey asked in disbelief, furthering tormenting his fragile psyche. If that was the case, Mikey was never really the hero he always thought he was. He had no idea all of these people were trapped here being hurt and tortured.

"We cant waste any time." Donnie said pulling away from the door and heading down the hallway. "We've got to find Master Splinter!"

Hearing his father's name, Mikey pulled from the door as well and followed his brother. He wiped the tears as they flowed freely down his face. He knew it wasn't the right time to be struck by such overwhelming feelings of dread and sadness so he _'sucked it up'_ as Raphael would say, and he ran as fast as he could, following his brother.

* * *

April O'Neil stood outside of the abandoned building. After disclosing everything she knew to Splinter, her beloved friend had taken off in search of the brothers leaving her alone to gather enough of the puzzles to find out where he went. Her data lead her here in Vernon's van.

"Place looks deserted." Vernon said, leaning against the hood of his new van. He was skeptical about coming at all; _April+Turtles+Vernon=Totaled Vehicle._ But April always had a way to persuade him to go along with these crazy stories.

"All the evidence leads to here."

"Don't lie to me, April, we both know this is just another one of your hunches."

"Have I ever been wrong, Vern?" She looked over her shoulder to him.

Vern rolled his eyes then shrugged. "Alright, alright. What's next? Your friends are kidnapped, right? So they're in danger in _that_ building?"

"A collection of eyewitnesses shows heavy foot clan in this area. Not to mention there have been strange cases popping up around this area for the last decade. I've got a huge folder composed of victims who claim to have been locked up and tortured for years before escaping and—"

"Were they able to point this place out?"

"Most of them were damaged far beyond their physical state...actually, a lot of the homeless around these parts are victims. They hide from everyone and they don't trust anyone. Vern, if Leo and the others are going through anything remotely similar to those accounts, we need to help them now."

"They're huge mutant turtles, April. They deal with fighting crime all of the time and they've been kidnapped before, if you don't remember. So take a deep breath because I'm sure we'll find them and they'll be okay."

April could appreciate the supporting show of optimism from her co-worker but there was still a large pit settled in her stomach.

"So," Vern pushed on. "What's the next step? Bring in the police?"

"To come and save four mutant ninja turtles?" April said turning fully to face him and crossing her arms over her chest. Their identity is suppose to be a serect, she promised them that.

"No, to come and check this place out." Vern suggested. "One anonymous call about there being screams and gunshots from inside and we can have this place crawling with cops. And if the turtles are exposed, it's something we can deal with when the time comes. Besides, I always thought it would be a pretty good idea for the turtles to get on the good side with the commission. A little cooperation between the two sides would—"

A shot rang out and April O'Neil spun back around to the building. More shots fired and Vern grabbed her elbow, pulling her to the other side of the van.

"Shit, did they see us?!" Vern panicked over the shots and ducked down low with April.

"I don't think they're firing at us!"

"I'm calling the cops, O'Neil. You're friends need more back up than we can offer."

April peeked over the hood of the van, looking out across the empty lots to the desolate building where shots were ringing out. She prayed help would come in time—as much faith as she put into the turtles, the accounts she had stumbled across that connected closely with the kidnappers of her friends gave her chills. She wouldn't want to see that kind of hurt and torture placed on anyone least of all her dearest friends.

* * *

Mikey had pulled Donnie back behind the corner as the shot had fired some twenty feet down the conjuring hall. They were noticed by four guards. The shots continued, keeping Mikey and Donnie in their place.

"We can bust through them! Our shells are bullet proof so, if we run backwards into them, we can knock them down and gain control of the fight. We've dealt with people like this before, Mikey."

Mikey shook his head. "No, these people are worse." He argued.

Donnie put his hand onto Mikey's shoulder. "We're doing this to save our brothers. These people won't get away with what they've done to us." He gave his baby brother's shoulder a comforting squeeze. "If worse comes to shove then I'll be the distraction and fight off any others so you can continue on to find Master Splinter."

"You can barely see-"

"I can see enough. But, Mikey, listen to me. When we were blindfolded, do you remember hearing a beeping sound; like someone typing in a key code?"

"Barely, I don't remember much of the trip. The tranquilizers really did a number on us."

"I listened to the sounds from the keypad and was able to determine the code. 2-4-9-6-5-9."

Mikey blinked. "Are you sure?" He knew his brother was a natural genius so there was really no reason to doubt him.

"If you see a keypad, try those numbers. I'm telling you this just in case I won't be there with you."

Mikey shook his head and reached up, holding his brother's arm that was resting on his shoulder. "You can't leave me."

Donnie pulled Mikey close and embraced him. "Just do everything you can to save our brothers." He could hear the firing die down and the guards talking to each other in the distance-probably getting ready to make forceful contact while reloading their guns. "We've got this." He smiled loving down to Mikey then pulled away and turned the corner. He saw a few of the guards loading their guns and he ran down the hallway. When one of them raised their guns, Donnie turned, feeling the bullet hit his shell, and slammed into the guy, knocking him down.

Mikey ran out next, mimicking Donnie's actions. He knew they were on a tight schedule. He didn't want to think about his brothers floating dead in a room flooded by water...he wanted to believe they had a little more time.


	9. Chapter 9

Knocking out those four guards was easy enough for Mikey and Donnie but, after running through a maze of hallways and avoiding the other foot clan members, what they found next was baffling. At the end of a long hallway—seemingly undamaged compared to the rest of the building—were two guards who were nursing their wounds while looking through a doorway. They seemed just as baffled and were mumbling among each other. They didn't notice Mikey or Donnie approach from behind and, as a result, suffered more serious damages that left them unconscious.

Mikey and Donnie looked into the room.

Donnie first noticed the control panels and monitors of several prisoners, including his two brothers; Raphael and Leonardo. He pushed aside the computer chair, that felt heavier than presumed, and began a series of clacks against the keyboard. His mission was to break into the network and stop the flow of water from entering the room.

Mikey first noticed Master Sensei. He ran over to his father and knelt down beside him, looking him over with worry. "Master Senei! It's Mikey, what's happened here? Why are you meditating at a time like this?" He asked before looking up to Donnie from his position on the floor. "I don't understand. Should I pull him out of meditation?"

Donnie was on too much of a time-crunch to pay attention to Mikey and Master Splinter. No matter how much he wanted to make sure Sensei was alright, he needed to focus on this right now.

Mikey looked down and noticed Master Splinters' tail was wrapped protectively around himself. "His tail looks broken." He checked over Sensei again. "There's blood on his back. He's injured but that still doesn't make sense to why he went into meditation...And where is the man who captured us? What did Splinter do to him?" All of these questions and more were running through Mikey's head—And then blood drooled out of the corner of Splinters' mouth and Mikey panicked, grabbing onto his shoulder. "Master Splinter, what do I do!?" He begged for the answer.

Donatello was finding it hard to concentrate on the task at hand. He wanted to check on his Sensei but—finally! "I've hacked into the system! Now just to stop the water—" When he got into that section to stop the water from filling the room, he was stopped by the request of a password. He panicked for a moment then typed in the only thing he could relate. "2-4-9-6-5-9.."

_Access Denied_.

* * *

Leo pulled back from the kiss, staying just a breath away.

Raphael's eyes were still closed and he leaned forward again, wanting to continue the kiss, but Leo turned his head slightly and kissed Raph's cheek.

Raphael blinked his eyes open now and loosened his arms from around Leo, afraid his brother was having second thoughts. "What?" He asked, his eyes still gazed over from the kiss.

Leo avoided his brother's eyes. "I don't know."

"Do you...regret that?" Raphael asked awkwardly.

Leo shook his head. "No. It's just...the water's too high." He felt a prickling sensation behind his eyes when a sudden sadness replaced his initial romantic feelings. The water was close to reaching their shoulders now.

Raphael took a quick glance around them then smirked. "Didn't really notice..." He joked.

Leo pulled his arm up out of the water and watched his usually steady hand shake from the cold. "...numb." He muttered.

Raphael frowned and reached up, grabbing Leo's hand before pressing a kiss to it. "Come on, Leo. Let me help you into the hatch. Please."

Leo shook his head and gripped Raphael's hand tighter. "There's too much to say."

"You don't have to say anything."

"I don't want to leave yet."

"I don't want you to see me die—"

Leo pushed his lips back against Raphael's to quiet him but Raphael caught on and he pulled back. "Leo, please. I'm fucking begging you. I don't want you to be here when it happens."

"Yes, you do. No one wants to be alone when they fucking die, Raphael." Leo rested his head back against Raphael's shoulder not budging as a result from his stubbornness. "Besides, there's still time. Mikey and Donnie—"

"—are doing what they can...I know. And it won't be their fault if they don't make it in time."

Leo just couldn't accept it. He knew that if nothing happened in the next couple of minutes, he was going to loose Raphael forever. It wasn't fair, though! Raphael was _here_! He was right here and he was alive! Leo couldn't imagine that Raph would be dead in a few minutes; that he'd never see him again or hear his voice or fight with him or kiss him or _anything_! It was all going to end soon and Leo wouldn't be able stop it no matter how tightly he held onto Raphael.

The roar from the rushing water had been muted long ago once the water level surpassed the holes in the wall. Raphael saw his Sai floating by and he reached out and pulled it underwater, attaching it to his belt where it belonged. "You know what I'll be thinking about?" He smiled, looking back to Leo.

Leo shook his head and Raphael had to lift Leo's chin up for his brother to look at him.

"I'll be thinking about that time when Mikey out-ate us all in that Pizza eating contest then celebrated by puking all over Don." He chuckled. "I'll be thinking about when Donnie taped up the first crack in my shell after an experiment he had been working on sent me flying back into the concrete." He then smirked and leaned close, pressing his forehead against Leo's when he saw his brother's lip quivering. "I'll be thinking about all the fights we had when I actually won the argument."

Leo brought his hand up and cupped Raphael's face. "Oh yeah?" He replied, his voice cracking. "I don't recall any of those." He joked, unable to lighten the mood at all but playing along for Raphael's sake.

Raphael smiled softer and closed his eyes, enjoying the moment. "You're a good leader, Leo...I'm sorry about all the times that I was an asshole to you and always fought with you."

"That's what brothers do." Leo felt the water up to his neck and panicked. "Don't leave."

"I'm still here."

"Don't leave." Leo repeated, tears falling down his face. "Stay—_Stay_..."

Raphael hugged Leo. "I'm right here." As odd as it seemed, he liked this. He couldn't ask for any other moment to be his last; except maybe if Donnie and Mikey were here too...but this was nice. He never had a moment like this with anyone—close and quiet and affectionate.

Raphael continued to smile even though the water was up to his chin. The chains kept him to the floor but Leo was already kicking his legs slightly and holding Raphael tighter around his shoulders to keep above the water.

Raphael kissed Leo again when he heard Leo start to cry.

* * *

Donnie let out a long sigh then looked back to the screen where his brothers were. His breath hitched but not from the height of the water levels. It was because he had caught them in the act of kissing. Confused, it caused him to waste precious seconds before finally blinking away the strange unregistered feeling inside and looking down to the keys. His fingers didn't move at first. He was still in shock.

"Master Sensei, please." Mikey was still trying to wake Splinter. Finally, Mikey got up to his feet and pulled the chair over to sit down in front of Splinter but he noticed the heavy weight of the chair instantly and...it almost felt like he had also grabbed onto an arm. He instantly let go and surveyed the chair. Then he reached out toward the chair and touched something unseen. "D-donnie...This is tripping me out. Am I insane?"

Donnie took in a shaky breath then looked over to Mikey. "What is it, Mikey?" His voice was wavering and stuffy and his eyes were unfocused and red from tears.

Mikey's heart collapsed at the sight. "Is...Raphael okay?" He asked, ignoring his previous doubts of sanity.

Donnie stared a bit longer almost afraid to look back at the monitors. When he turned back, Both Raphael and Leonardo were underwater. His breathing quickened into short panicked breaths and he went back to tapping furiously. "No...no-no-no-no..." He chanted, trying to find another way to save them-_anything_! Their had to be something he could do!

* * *

Leo was pulling on Raphael's shell, trying to pull him up off of the ground but the chains weighted him to the floor and Raphael constantly pushed Leo's attempts away.

Where Raphael just wanted to die and get this over with, Leo wanted to give Mikey and Donnie some more time to try and save him. He wouldn't accept this as Raphael's fate!

After a hard shove from Raphael, Leo was forced to return to the surface for air. Every time he came up for air, he cried out in frustration. Right now Raphael's lungs were burning for oxygen! He was selfish to even think about coming up for air.

Leo dove back down and grabbed Raphael's shoulders again. Raphael seemed eerily still and Leo stopped for a moment, watching his brother in horror.

A shift in Raphael's eyes to Leo told Leo that Raphael was still alive but holding his breath for as long as he could-because even though Raphael was accepting his fate, he was still scared.

Leo cupped Raphael's face then moved closer and linked his arms around him. He wasn't going to go back up and leave him alone. What if the next time he went up for air was the last time he saw Raphael alive? No! He held on tighter.

Raphael's movements were getting slower as he tried to push Leo away. Air was escaping until he took in an involuntary gasp and sucked up the water. The sudden swallowing of water instead of air was a shock to Raphael's system and he thrashed, desperate for oxygen.

Leo held on tightly but Raphael had eventually shook him off in his struggles and had knocked the air out of Leo. His body instinctively swam up and took a gasp of air at the surface. "No! Raph!" He dove back down and grabbed Raphael. The thrashing had stopped and Raphael was starring ahead unfocused. Leo yelled, wasting his breath, and shook Raphael but there was no mistaking that look in his brother's eyes.

_Raphael!_

* * *

Donnie's fingers were typing faster than ever. It clicked in his mind seconds prior; the number code he had remembered was a lock-code that was typed into a keypad right before they were pushed into that godawful room. He could disable the security systems easily but he was forced to input a key password when requesting to unlock the prisoner doors.

Mikey was a crying mess, mourning over his brother, but Donatello hadn't given up. His stomach was in knots as he quickly typed in the password, _2-4-9-6-5-9._

_Access approved._

Donnie looked up to the monitors. The door to the room pushed open and the water flowed out of the room quickly, spilling into the halls. He saw Leo gripping tightly onto Raphael's motionless body then grabbed the monitor and shook it. "No! No! I wasn't too late!" He shouted. "Please tell me I wasn't too late!"


	10. Chapter 10

While the water rushed out of the room, flooding the halls outside of the door, Leo grabbed one of Raphael's chains to keep the current from pushing him out as well. The current was strong but he managed to stay by his brother's side until the end.

The sound of rushing water soon quieted to only the streams still pouring into the room. Then an ear shattering alarm blared through the building.

"Raphael!" Leo hollered over the alarms and pushed himself up, grabbing his brother. "Open your eyes—breathe!" He ordered, shaking him. CPR on their mutated bodies would be futile—their platsrons were tough and difficult to apply any pressure to stimulate a positive response—but that didn't keep Leo from trying.

"Wake up, Raph. Fight it!" He leaned over and rested his head against his brother's chest, disturbed by the lack of a beating heart. "It's over!" He tone was begging and he leaned over, giving mouth-to-mouth. He pulled back again and repeated the chest compressions. "It's over, Raphael. Were free! Open your goddamn eyes!" He smacked him in the face then slammed his fist against his chest. "Stop it! Just stop!" He shouted in a panic.

* * *

Inside a quieter place-nowhere you can travel physically-the mutant man grimaced, sensing discord in the outside world. "_Your turtles are lucky today._" The man then smirked, mentally trailing the inner walls of Splinters' mind. _"It was a fun play-date and we'll have to do it again some time but I'm afraid I have to leave now."_

That was the last thought that Splinter retained before opening his eyes and watching the chair before him twist around, facing the exit. The sound of heavy footprints left down the hallway but seeing Donnie and Mikey staring at the monitors kept him from chasing the invisible man down.

"My sons."

Mikey spun around, startled by Master Splinters sudden arrival to the physical world. "Sensei." Mikey's face twisted up in pain and he took a step forward. "_Dad_..."

Donnie still continued to stare at the screen, gripping the monitor tightly. Everything sounded muted; the voices, the alarm- everything was moving too slow and yet happening too fast.

On the other screens, prisoners were cautiously leaving their cells. The door lock-code applied to every cell so either they saved a bunch of innocent victims or let loose a large amount of clinically disturbed people. The alarm wasn't triggered by the lock-code so one could only assume that a guard noticed the release of prisoners and manually activated it as a warning to the others.

Before Splinter could ask about his other two sons, he saw them on the monitor that Donnie gripped so tightly. "Leo...Raphael."

Donnie pulled away at the sound of their names and covered his eyes, turning from the screen. "I tried..." His shoulders shook and he bit the inside of his cheek when a sob tried to force itself out of him. "I tried to save him—I should have tried harder!" He chastised. "I should have unlocked the doors _first_! Ah!" He shouted and dropped to his knees, his body racking with sobs. "I should have unlocked his chains! Why didn't I do that first!" He berated himself and rocked his body back and forth slightly.

Splinter looked over the scene showing on the monitors then looked at the controls and reached out to the switches that would release Raphael of his chains. No son of his should have ever died locked up in chains—

_Chains_.

Splinters' mind quickly went into gear and a series of thoughts ran through, formulating a plan that just might save his son. His hand, hovering over the switch to release Raphael, quickly shot over to the color-coded buttons; Purple, Blue, Orange and Red. He slammed the red button and on the screen it showed Leo pushing away from Raphael as Raph's body shook from the volts of electricity coursing through him.

* * *

Leo watched Raphael's body twitch and jerk from the electric shock. The shock treatment stopped just as suddenly. Leo took in a sharp breath that he had been holding back and he quickly moved over to Raph's side again and rested his ear against Raphael's chest.

Nothing.

He pulled back. "Do it again!" Leo shouted up to the speakers and the shocks instantly began to travel through Raphael once more. Leo wasn't going to give up hope on this! "Again!" He shouted when the shocks stopped again with no progress. After the third time, Leo put his head back against Raphael's chest but this time there was a sputtering sound and Leo looked up to see Raphael choking on water.

Leo quickly grabbed Raphael by his shell, turning him onto his side where Raphael threw up a few mouthfuls of water. "Ah! Shit!" Raph cursed, throwing up again and breathing heavily.

For someone who was spending the last few minutes trying to hold onto his faith, Leo was in disbelief.

"You're back..." Leo whispered.

The chains soon clanged from Raphael's wrists and ankles and he rolled back onto his shell. His lungs burned, his throat burned, his vision burned; but Leo made his lips feel better during a soft kiss.

Leo held Raphael close during the kiss and when he pulled back he made sure not to leave too much space between them.

"Leo, don't kiss me after I just threw up..." Raphael grumbled, closing his eyes and relaxing back.

"You scared me." Leo moved down and rested his head back against Raphael's chest, listening to the weak thudding of his brother's heart. He closed his eyes and felt Raphael raise his arm up to rest his hand against his head, petting him tiredly.

"I didn't think being brought back would hurt more than drowning..." He sighed, continuing to caress Leo's head on his chest even though his movements were slack and hard to maintain. "My lungs are on fucking fire..." His hoarse voice was proof of his immense discomfort.

Leo made a hum as he counted the beats of Raphael's heart.

"How long was I unconscious for?"

Tears trickled from Leo's eyes. "You weren't breathing...your heart stopped...you were dead."

Raphael blinked repetitively until he could finally make out the lights in the ceiling above them. "Oh." How could he respond to something like that? He didn't feel dead. It's was all just a blur like...like just waking up from a long sleep. He couldn't remember anything but taking that last constricting breath of water.

"But you're alive now." Leo said, raising up to kiss Raphael's chin. "You're okay now." He said in comfort for both Raphael and himself.

Raphael's arm slumped back to the floor. His body was exhausted. "Help me up."

"Wait until Donnie and Mikey come back."

There was a sound of feet padding through the water outside the door and Leo looked over to see a few prisoners running toward their escape; a few of them were soaked in blood. One stopped at their doorway and cocked their head. It was a foot clan member but he looked malnourished and pale. His uniform was spotting in blood and tattered from quarrels with his ex-cell mates.

"I remember the giant turtles." The man said, pointing a long finger in their direction and then scowling with a manic expression. "You put me here...I failed Shredder and was sent here because of you _turtles_." He had a thick accent but his speech was also corrupted by a lack jaw, making his words slur together. More prisoners ran to freedom behind the man but this man was not interested in freedom right now. He was interested in revenge. "I killed my friends." He took steps into Leo and Raphael's room, limping and dragging his left foot.

"_Leo, we're on our way!_" Leo heard Mikey over the intercom and he quickly got to his feet.

Raphael attempted to get up as well but Leo held out his hand to stop him; Raphael was too weak right now.

"What happened to you was wrong." Leo agreed with this man on that notion. "I won't stop you if you turn around and get out of here but I will fight if you come any closer."

"Do you think I care about what happens to me anymore?.._.I ate my friends to survive_!" He screamed and took another step. This time his ankle snapped and he fell to the floor. His mouth was open in agony but his screams were silent as he reached one hand down to his injured foot. He took a shaky breath, watching the water around him turn red from his blood.

Leo couldn't believe the horrors that Shredded had subjected onto his own loyal servants. He had seen Shredders' men die by their own kind before but this was inhumane. All it did was make Leo realize exactly what they were up against; a vicious monster capable of unspeakable horrors. Before his capture, Leo only wanted to foil Shredders plans and keep the people of this city safe. But after this experience, Leo wanted Shredder dead.

The man was trembling as he attempted to get back up and stood on one shaky leg. He kept his other foot raised slightly and grimaced whenever he applied too much pressure to it.

"Go." Leo said in a stern voice. "Go get help. When you're strong enough you can come after us or you can team up with us to get your revenge on the one who _really_ put you here." Leo offered with a grain of sympathy.

The man glared at Leo then closed his eyes and looked away. "Hm." He shifted slightly and winced as he slowly limped toward the door and came out into the hallway.

Leo only hoped the man would think about revenge against Shredder during his healing process. They could use a guy like him to help destroy Shredder from the inside; someone that might know the ins and outs of-_Bang_!

Seconds after the man entered the hall, a shot rang out and pierced his skull. The man collapsed quickly and guards ran down the halls, killing any prisoners they came in contact with to try and control the situation.

When they came to the doorway, they raised their guns again and Leo quickly turned his shell to them and knelt down beside Raphael, shielding them from the onset of bullets.

They may be free of their chains but they weren't out of the woods just yet...


	11. Chapter 11

April O'Neil couldn't just stand back and let the cops take care of the situation by themselves. If she knew Leonardo and the others then she knew that they would avoid the cops just as much as the enemies. She promised to keep their secret and she had to make up on that promise by making sure they got out of their alive and unseen.

Vern, who grudgingly agreed to help her, constantly told her that it wasn't her problem to keep their secret but April saw it differently. She was a reporter, yes, but she was a friend to the turtles first. Their story could make her big—and Vern reminds her a lot of that as well—but she was different than the other reporters, she had integrity.

"You're gonna get yourself killed one of these days, O'Neil." Vern griped as he pulled the van up alongside the building. He could hear the police sirens in the distance just barley over the sound of the alarms. "I don't know what it is with you. Most people run away from gunshots and alarms and you run toward them."

"I'll go in myself, Vern. You just make sure to be ready to drive us out of here." She said stubbornly as she began to climb up the partially damaged fire escape.

"Are you nuts? I can't let you go in there alone." He followed up behind her and prayed that this rescue mission would be as easy as April made it out to be. "I don't make enough for this shit."

* * *

Raphael groaned as he sluggishly got up from the floor while Leo went on the offensive and began knocking out the bad guys in the hall. Of course, Leo had this in the bag. He wasn't their leader for nothing; he was an experienced ninja with great tactile experience. But Raphael still felt like he should have done something more than just get up from the god damn floor without toppling over again. If it were Leo in his place, he probably would have jumped back to his feet in a heartbeat to protect his brothers.

"Leo." Raphael hated the hoarseness of his voice.

Leo had tossed one of the guys down the hall then kicked the last guy in the stomach, slamming him into the wall. "You alright, Raph?" He asked, quickly turning his attention back to his injured brother.

Raphael came out into the hallway then moved his hand to his Sai. He pulled it out of his sheath and flung it to the guard behind Leo who was raising his gun up off of the floor to shoot.

Leo turned around and saw the Sai had pierced the man's forehead, killing him. It was shocking to see his brother do such a thing. "Raphael," He turned back to him, display the shock on his face. "Remember." He came close. "We fix things, Raphael. We don't break—" Leo was about to recite one of their guidelines that they lived by—which also implied that they don't kill people, they save people—but Raphael made a grunt and moved toward the man, pulling his Sai back out.

"Sorry, Leo. I guess being in this place for too long made me forget that." He grumbled, not exactly sorry for what he did. He was questioning everything they lived by. Why shouldn't they kill the bad guys? It stops them permanently and saves more lives than just letting them go to continue being assholes to the world.

Leo came up to Raphael and he put a hand on his shoulder. "Never forget who you are, Raphael."

"Okay, _Mom_." Raphael tucked his Sai in his sheath again and growled when Leo cupped his face, making him look back at him. "We don't have time for you to give me a lecture."

Leo was worried about Raphael. His brother was already a short fuse before all of this. Now that this evil was introduced to them, he feared what would become of Raphael—or any of his brothers actually; even Leo felt a strong desire to act out violently.

Leo let go of Raphael and looked down the hall to see Master Splinter and his brothers.

"Leo! Raphael!" Mikey was the first to make it to them. He flung his arms around Raphael and hugged him tightly. "I thought you were gone forever, man! You scared the hell out of us!" He tried to hold on longer but Raphael pushed his hands against Mikey's plastron, making his little brother back up a few paces. He needed a little space right now, was that a lot to ask?

Donatello didn't have a problem with him giving space. He kept behind Master Splinter and didn't make any eye contract with Raph. "We don't have very long before the police come. With the prisoners released, most of the guards are preoccupied with putting things under control again around here. But it's going to be difficult for us to get out of here without being seen."

"Did you find the guy who took us?" Leo asked.

"No, we only found Sensei. The guy must have left before we got there." Mikey explained.

Splinter stayed quiet on the subject for now. This conversation could wait until they were safe in their home. "We must leave this place."

"What about our weapons." Leo inquired.

"And my gadgets." Donatello asked.

"Your lives are more important. Now lets go." Splinter began the path down the hall toward the stairs and the brothers followed with Raphael picking up his speed slowly from the back of the group.

* * *

April stepped out into the hall but Vern quickly pulled her back. "Are you _crazy_? There are guys with guns all over this place. You can't just walk around like no one can shoot you."

April blushed over the mistake she made in her attempts to find the turtles as quickly as possible. "I'm sorry but we need to find them and leave fast."

"Well, then...alright." Vern huffed and he inched to the corner and peered around it, seeing the hall empty. "Just be more careful." He warned before stepping out and nervously looking around. "I'm not looking forward to getting shot again, O'Neil. So the less time we spend around guns the better for me." As if to prove a point that hanging around with O'Neil made Vern the most unluckiest man alive, a gun cocked from behind them and they spun around to see four guys coming around the corner at the other end of the hall and looking straight at them.

"Put your hands up!" One of them yelled, raising his gun.

Vern instinctively raised his arms up then nudged April to do the same. "W-we aren't here to stop anything or start anything." Vern stuttered. "We're just—"

"Hey, that girl's a reporter; she's on the news." One of the guys said, causing two more of them to raise their guns.

"You're trying to get us on the news?" The first man growled as he stepped closer. "No one can know anything about this."

And then more bad luck, "_This is the police_!" Shouted some idiot on a bullhorn outside. Vern cursed under his breath. Yep, this is where they all die. "Nice knowing you O'Neil."

"You brought the cops!" One of them shouted, pulling the trigger.

Vern quickly shoved April into the room beside them as the shots went off. He got clipped in the shoulder but it was nothing like the last time.

They fell to the ground but Vern quickly got up and pulled April to her feet as well, planning to run out of there the way they came in. But a scuffle happened in the hall among the men and Vern stopped when he heard Mikey and Leo's voice as they communicated to each other during the fight.

"Shit, it's them." Vern said, looking back to April. "We found them so we can—" He stopped, looking April over.

April was pressing her hand against her stomach where blood was soaking up her shirt. There was a lost look in her eyes that made Vern's legs feel weak. He slowly dropped down to his knees, holding onto April who could no longer support herself up.

April tried to say something but nothing came out and Vern had to lay her on the floor and hold his hand against her wound. "A-April? Hang on, O'Neil! The police are here, we'll get you an ambulance and—and you'll be okay!" In the corner of his eye he saw Donatello at the doorway and turned to look at him. "She's been shot! We have to get her to the hospital."

Donatello only stood there with wide eyes, taking in deep broken breaths.

Vern looked back down at April who was staring pass him now with a vacant look. "We have to get her to the hospital!" He shouted, pressing the wound harder.

Raphael came up behind Donnie and looked at the scene. He quickly ran over to try and help Vern with April, using the same urgency as Vern.

"She's...she's—" Donnie shook his head.

Leo came in next with Mikey and Master Splinter.

"What's she doing here!?" Leo shouted, coming over to help but instantly realizing that there was nothing he could do because—

"She's dead." Donnie finally said, his hands shaking.

Mikey blinked a few times, confused at what he was looking at. At first, he was wondering why he was seeing April at all? She shouldn't be anywhere near this place. Then, he was wondering why she had blood on her because that wasn't normal at all. "Is she okay?" He asked finally, completely blocking out Donnie's opinion. "Is she okay—April?" He came closer but Splinters' tail wrapped around his midsection, keeping him back as he entered the room.

Leo picked her up and Vern held April's hand. "We need to get her to the fucking hospital!" Vern kept shouting. "Get her out to my van! Now!" He ordered, running toward the fire escape and already starting down.

"Go home." Leo ordered his brothers. "I'm going with him to take April to the hospital."

"Leo." Mikey whined. "She's okay, right?"

Leo didn't answer. He held April close as he jumped out and landed on the asphalt below. He quickly got into the back of the van with April and Vern pulled out and sped away with a cop car chasing after.

"We must leave this place." Splinter said, loosening his injured tail from around Mikey's midsection.

"You guys get out of here." Raphael was tense all over. "I'll meet you guys later."

"You have to come with us." Mikey begged still trying to process the whole April-thing.

Master Splinter even opened his mouth to say something but Raphael punched the wall beside him. "Get out of here! Sensei, please!"

Donnie was taking small steps toward the fire escape, avoiding the blood on the floor where April was found. He understood his body, he understood what shock was, he understood that he was in shock, but none of that helped him to deal with it.

Mikey followed Donnie but Master Splinter stopped by Raphael. "Raphael, do not lose your way."

"I need to do this."

"You must come home with us."

"You don't understand what they did to us!" Raphael shouted then took a step back from Splinter.

Splinters eyes were wet with unshed tears. "Two wrongs do not make a Right."

"I'm not looking to make anything right again. I'll never forgive myself for what I did back there. I'm already in hell, Sensei. I'm not leaving until I drag every one of them down with me..." He growled lowly then looked away, unable to make any eye contact with him. "I'm making my choice and I'm prepared to live with the consequences. I understand if you don't want me to come back home after this but don't try and stop me."

There was a shouting down the hall and more gun fire.

"Go with Donnie and Mikey, please. I don't want you to see me like this anymore."

Master Splinter reached out to Raphael but Raphael turned away. "Please come back home." Splinter said before hesitating and following Mikey and Donnie out. As their teacher, what Raphael was doing went against everything he taught them; as a father, what they did to his sons deserved no better treatment. He would salvage what he could of the sons he raised but for now they just needed to make it home in one piece and feel safe again.


	12. Chapter 12

Every step Leo made toward his home was heavy. He became careless and was nearly seen twice by the public. If it wasn't for Vern he probably would have been discovered by the humans a few blocks ago. But it wasn't like Vern helped him out of the goodness of his heart. Basically, to put it in Vern's words, '_I'm only keeping you out of the spotlight for April's sake_.'

Leo rubbed his hand over his face and sighed. His heart sunk low in his chest. April was in critical condition and it was all their fault. Vern made it clear that if she didn't pull through then there would be no reason for him to keep their secret. He would throw them in the line of fire because that's exactly what they did with April; they put her in danger.

Leo didn't argue with Vernon, he just left the van and hopped down into the sewers.

Now he had to tell the others about what was going on. He could just see the heartache on Splinter's face—the false hope in Mikey's eyes—the harsh reality settling into Donnie's posture—the guilt in Raphael's glare...

Nothing good would come from any of this. They were all broken and there was a lot of pieces to go through and fix.

But that was his job; to fix things.

He made it into the lair and the first thing he heard was Mikey wailing from his room. He couldn't remember a time when his younger brother acted against his humorous nature—even when he was sad, Mikey always found a way through it all by tossing around jokes to cover it up. Mikey didn't even try to cover up his heartbreak this time around; he lost his virginity and they were losing April. There was nothing he could joke about to make himself or anyone else feel better.

Before going to check on Mikey, Leo saw Donnie slumped in his chair over by the monitors. They would watch the city on those screens to keep an eye out for danger but the monitors were unplugged and the cords laid tangled by Donnie's feet.

Leo came up behind Donnie and rested a hand on his shoulder. "Donnie.."

"How is she?" Donnie asked with a stuffy voice. It was clear that Mikey wasn't the only one who was crying. "Is she alright?"

"She's in critical condition...that's all Vern would tell me." Leo pulled his hand away and moved around to stand in front of Donnie. "I don't know how to tell Mikey...she didn't look good at all, Donnie. But I can't picture her not being around."

Donnie bowed his head and shrugged. "It isn't just April that has Mikey crying." He rubbed his snout and reached over to his desk drawer beside Leo, pulling out a spare pair of glasses and placing them over his eyes. He pushed them up his nose then wiped away a stray tear. "Raphael didn't come home with us."

Leo tensed up. "Why?"

"He just _wouldn't_. He wanted to stay there. He wanted to make them all pay."

Leo growled lowly. "That idiot."

"Mikey's afraid of Raphael being captured again and forced back into torture—or _worse_." Donnie's voice was cracking.

Leo took in a shuddering breath as he closed his eyes. He quickly opened them again when flashes of Raphael being tortured came to view. He didn't want to think about any of those possibilities. "That idiot doesn't know how to follow orders. He's so quick to jump into things without a plan—He should have come home!"

"_Leo?_"

Leo turned along with Donnie to see Mikey shifting awkwardly over by a stack of boomboxes. His eyes were red from crying and he wasn't wearing his mask.

"Hey, Mikey." Leo walked over and pulled Mikey into a hug, resting his chin on Mikey's shoulder. Mikey and Leo were always the more affectionate toward each other. With Leo being the oldest, he felt it was his responsibility to be the one who comforts and supports his brothers. While, with Mikey being the youngest, he was always the more touchy playful one. Raphael hated too much closeness and sympathy was a huge no-no to him. Also, Donnie was uncomfortable with the hugs and never knew how to really respond to cuddling.

"Is April okay?" Mikey whispered.

Leo rubbed Mikey's shell in a comforting way and he sighed. "She's fighting through it. I'm going to check up on her again in a few days. She's getting the best care she can get."

Mikey was comforted by his older brother's words and he turned his head, tucking his face against Leo's neck. "Raph, didn't come home with us."

"...I heard."

Mikey held onto Leo tighter. "We have to find him, Leo."

"This is why you all should have allowed me to embed those trackers into you." Donnie muttered.

Mikey peeked up over Leo's shoulder and scowled at Donnie. "You don't even care that Raph's gone." He accused.

Leo pulled back and scolded Mikey. "Hey." He snapped. "Watch it, Mikey. We're all worried about, Raph."

"But it's true!" Mikey continued. "He was trying to tell me that we're better off without him around."

Leo quickly looked back to Donnie but he wasn't making eye contact and he wasn't defending himself against the accusations toward him. "Donnie?"

"You probably hope he's captured so that we never seen him again." Mikey growled in a dark tone that upset Leo.

"_I do not_!" Donnie shouted now, standing up from the chair. "I don't want Raphael hurt!"

"You just don't want him home!" Mikey shouted back.

"I just don't want to remember anymore! Every time I look at him, all I see is-"

"_A monster?_"

Donnie bit his tongue and saw Leo and Mikey's eyes shift to stare at Raphael behind him. Turning around slowly, Donnie saw Raphael crouched above them in the tunnel that led to the surface. He quickly backed up as Raphael hopped down into the room.

"No, go ahead and finish your sentence." Raphael said, covering up his hurt with anger. "_'Monster'_ is what you were going to say, right?" He glared.

Donnie covered his face, ashamed that Raphael had to hear him like that, and quickly shook his head.

Mikey ignored the awkward moment and the anger fuming from Raphael as he ran over to his brother with open arms. "You're okay! You're alive! You're safe!" Mikey chanted, wrapping his arms around Raphael, forgetting how much Raphael hated his hugs. Though Mikey let go quickly when he felt the sticky substance of blood. "Raph—?"

"It's not mine."

That didn't make Mikey feel 100% better but as long as Raphael wasn't injured. "Come on, Raph. Let me help you clean up. Want some Orange Crush? We can watch-"

Raphael pushed Michelangelo's nunchaku's at him, cutting him off.

"I'm not sticking around for long. Thought you guys might want these back." He walked pass Mikey to Leo, handing him his katanas.

"Raph, what did you do? Where were you?" Leo asked firmly but Raphael moved pass him to Donnie who was backing up against his desk and staring through his fingers at Raphael with large watery eyes.

Raphael held out Donnie's Bo for him but Donnie shook his head. Grinding his teeth, he dropped the Bo by Donnie's feet and took another step closer.

Donnie reached out and pushed his hands against Raph's chest. "Stop." He whined.

Raphael glared down at his brother, hating that look in his eyes; it almost made him want to punch it off.

"Stop." Donnie whispered now, pushing his hands against Raphael's plastron as he closed his eyes tightly.

Raphael backed off and turned around to Leo and Mikey again. "Listen, just tell Sensei that I'm sorry okay." He muttered, walking back toward the tunnel he had come from. "And...and I'm sorry to you guys, too." He said even quieter.

"You can't leave." Mikey came up behind Raphael. "We're a team, Raph. There's no _us_ without _you_."

"That doesn't make sense." Raphael huffed but he faced Mikey and looked down at him. His anger was subsiding as he took in the hurt plastered onto Mikey's face.

"He's right though." Leo said. "We're brothers, Raphael. We care about you and we love you, you idiot."

Raphael's eyes flicked toward Donnie, knowing full well that what Leo said didn't apply to everyone in this room. Then turned back to Leo and he sighed. "I hate when you say stupid shit like that. It's worse than Mikey's nonsense."

"If you leave us then you don't love us." Mikey whined, giving him an ultimatum.

"That's not true." Raphael quickly snapped back and pulled away when Mikey tried to hug him again. "I'm leaving _because_ I love you guys. I-...I love you guys, you know that, right? I don't say it a lot but it's true." Sadly, he looked back to Donnie. "All of you. I love all of you."

Donnie wasn't looking at Raphael but he could feel his brother's eyes on him. He took off his glasses and wiped his eyes, sniffling.

"I did some horrible shit back there. I just don't want to mix you guys up into it."

"We're in all of this together." Leo reached out and grabbed Raphael's shell when Raph attempted to climbed up into the tunnel. "Stay with us, Raph. We can help each other."

"Yeah, man." With Leo holding Raphael back by his shell, Mikey quickly latched onto Raphael's arm and rested his head against his shoulder. "If you killed someone, we'll help you hide the body." He half-joked. "We're brothers through everything; good and bad."

"I didn't...just..." Raphael closed his mouth and turned away, inhaling deeply through his nose then letting it out. "I didn't just kill _one_ person."

"I don't care." Mikey held Raphael's arm tighter.

"It was a lot of people-"

"I don't care, Raph." Mikey repeated. "I love you, too, Raphael. We all do."

Raphael glanced over to Leo who had a stern look but not one trace of disgust or disappointment. He looked to Donnie, who still wasn't making eye contact. "I'll stay if Donnie wants me to."

Donnie looked up now and squinted his eyes over to his brothers before pulling his glasses back on.

"Of course he does." Mikey quickly answered for Donnie.

"Then I want to hear him say it." Raphael and Donnie's eyes were locked now and Donnie's stammered before closing his mouth and looking down.

Raphael waited a few more seconds before turning around and shaking Leo and Mikey off.

"Don't!" Mikey cried, reaching out to Raphael as he began climbing up.

"_Raphael_!"

Raphael's blood went cold and he tightly gripped the bars of the ladder. "Sensei..."

Master Splinter was standing by the Dojo, his bandaged tail resting on the floor behind him. He looked like he always did when calling one of his sons to talk to them; direct and stern with a hint of care and patience.

Raphael swallowed and he got off of the later, pushing Mikey away again. "I-"

"Come." Splinter said, turning around and heading into the dojo.

Raphael lowered his head and he moved pass his brothers, following behind his father. The familiarity of this was comforting but Raphael knew that their conversation was going to be anything but pleasant. He was afraid to talk to his father but, at the same time, there's no one else he would rather talk to...He trusted his father more than anyone. And even though he trusted his brothers just as much, Raphael felt more comfortable breaking down in front of his father than with any of his brothers.


	13. Chapter 13

Raphael stood by as Splinter walked over to the weapons wall and picked up his favorite sword. Splinter then hopped onto the platform circle and began swaying his sword in a common practice rhythm.

Raphael shifted from foot to foot, not sure what to do or say at this point. He cleared his throat and kept his eyes down. "You wanted to talk to me?" He asked quietly.

"Yes." Splinter said, making slow and sure movements with his blade. "But first, grab your weapon of choice, Raphael, and let's spar. It's been a long time."

Raphael looked to the weapons wall but pulled his Sai out of his sheath instead.

"Oh no, too predictable, Raphael. Haven't you been training yourself on any other weapon?"

"I like these." Raphael muttered as put it back and walked over to the weapons wall. He felt a little more at ease with Splinters tactics; sparing was something he enjoyed and, it was true, it had been a long time since he sparred one-on-one with Sensei. He was never as good as Sensei but he liked the attention; usually Leo got most of Splinter's attention.

Raphael grabbed one of Leo's katanas. He stared down at the blade with a miserable look before placing it back on the wall. He definitely wasn't worthy of a weapon like that. Instead he grabbed for the throwing stars but Splinter stopped him again.

"The Katana. Good choice, Raphael." Splinter swept his blade out in front of him, moving like the element of water. "Now come into the circle and let's begin."

Raphael hesitated but he reached back up and took down the katana from its place on the wall. He held it loosely as he hopped up onto the platform and walked around Splinter's form.

Raphael took stance, ready to spar, but Splinter lowered his blade. "The '_One, Two-Tap'_." Splinter said.

Raphael lowered his weapon, confused. "But that's beginners practice..."

_"One."_ Splinter held up his blade into position and Raphael growled. He matched Splinter's move and Splinter moved his blade down. _"Two."_ Raphael followed the moves then took a side step and,

_"Tap."_ Raphael muttered as he tapped his blade against Splinter shoulder. This was lame. He didn't even like this back when he was younger doing it.

It was Splinter's turn to tap and—_Slice!_

Raphael jerked back quickly and held his shoulder. "You cut me!"

"Those are the rules."

"What? No they aren't! You told us not to hurt each other." Raphael raised up his hand to check the wound and huffed. It wasn't too bad, just a scratch.

"Is that so? I thought we were changing the rules."

Raphael was struck by the comment and his weapon lowered. He scowled and gripped the weapon tightly but still did not raise it for attack. "I don't understand."

"You understand, Raphael, you just do not want to accept it. _One,"_ Splinter raised his weapon again and Raphael watched him, hesitant, before raising his weapon as well, mimicking him. "You went against my teachings. _Two,"_ He changed his stance, lowering his sword to another defensive position—which Raphael once again mimicked. "And you killed many people; which, not only brings us shame,—_Tap_." Raphael tried to pull away but Splinter's blade swung out and cut against Raphael's right shoulder this time. "—but you also brought us into more danger and trouble."

Raphael grabbed his wound, finding this cut to be much deeper than the one on his left shoulder. "I know that you saw what they made us do." He said through gritted teeth. "You know what they made me do to my brothers."

Splinters ears lowered in sadness, as did his blade.

"How could I just leave that place without doing anything about it?!" Raphael shouted.

"The horrors they put you and your brothers through were unspeakable...that is why I did not stop you, Raphael." Splinter sighed and touched the tip of the blade to the floor, signally that they were finished with the sparing. "But that does not make what you did acceptable."

"They deserved it—"

"Do you feel better for it?"

Raphael rubbed his wounded shoulder and his teeth were grinding against each other. He knew it was going to happen; he could feel the build up behind his eyes. He was going to break down if they kept talking about this. "Do I feel _better_? No...How could I? I'll never get it out of my head!" He tossed his sword away and jumped out of the circle, rubbing his palm against his eye when a tear escaped.

"You have always been the quickest to act on feeling, Raphael." Splinter was speaking softly now. "Donatello always thinks with his mind...Leonardo always with his instincts. Michelangelo...well," Splinter rested his hand onto Raphael's shoulder, standing on the platform behind him. "-he thinks a lot with his stomach."

Raphael gave a small smile at his father's joking but frowned again when Splinter continued.

"You, Raphael, are very special. You think with your heart. The heart is a very powerful thing, Raphael. Sometimes what you _feel_ is not what is _right_. The anger you felt towards those men made you do horrible things because they hurt your heart."

A few more tears escaped from the prison in Raphael's eyes.

"Your heart will always try to rationalize what is right and what is wrong, Raphael. It is not a bad thing to listen to your heart. You just need to understand the reasons guiding you."

"I-" Raphael's voice cracked and he stopped to compose himself before continuing. "I understand that, Sensei..." He took a few steps away until Splinter had to remove his hand from his shoulder. "But I can't changed just like _that._ That's why I think it's best if I leave for awhile."

Splinter hopped down from the platform and sighed. "It will take awhile for us all to heal from the tragedies that have happened lately but if we stay together we have more of a chance to heal quicker."

"I just don't feel like I belong here anymore." Raphael wiped his eyes again, angry at his crying. "I don't belong here, I don't belong on the surface; I don't belong anywhere."

"You _do_ belong here with us, Raphael. You will always have a home here."

"Donnie doesn't seem to think so."

"He is scared."

"He's scared of me."

"No, he is afraid because he believes he lost everything, Raphael. We must show him that we are still a family. Leaving will only make your relationship with Donatello worsen."

Raphael shook his head but he took in Splinter's words. How was he suppose to convince Donnie that he was the same ol' Raphael from before if Raphael didn't even feel the same? How was he suppose to comfort his brother if his brother was afraid of him getting close?

"You do not have to pretend that nothing happened." Splinter spoke again as he headed toward the weapons wall and placed the swords back up in their place. "You are all in pain."

"He doesn't even want me near him."

"Give it time, Raphael. You do not need to force it. You two are brothers and you already have a strong bond. Your bond with Donnie is not broken, just torn slightly; let it heal."

"...Yes, Sensei."

* * *

When Raphael and Splinter had left the three bothers among themselves, Michelangelo was quick to get onto Donnie for nearly letting Raphael go. "How could you say nothing?!"

"I can't just beg him to do something he doesn't want to do." Donnie retort, finding this whole thing to be uncomfortable.

"He just wanted to make sure he was welcome to stay here!"

"Keep it down, Mikey." Leo said, acting more passively than he felt.

"He can do what he wants. If he stays, then fine. I'm not going to kick him out." Donnie pulled his chair over and sat down, turning away from them.

"You're acting like he's not even our brother." Mikey said in a quieter tone; though his anger did not subside one bit.

"And you're acting like he didn't force himself onto us." Donnie reminded then gasped when Leo grabbed his chair and turned him around to face them.

Leo was angry with Donnie but mostly because he didn't know how to confront Donnie's sudden bitterness toward Raphael. Keeping that in mind, he kept his voice level and didn't blow up at him like Mikey was doing. "I don't have to remind you that it wasn't Raphael's fault."

"It doesn't change what happened. He still...did it." Donnie sunk lower in his chair and looked away.

"I will never get over the pain that we were all put through." Leo admitted. "Just knowing that you were in trouble and I was right there with you unable stop anything..." Leo shook his head sadly. "I'll never get over that feeling of helplessness, Donnie."

Donnie looked back up to Leo with a sad understanding.

"And imagine how Raphael felt...Could you just imagine it?"

Donnie shook his head, not wanting to think about it.

"What if you were in his place, Donnie? What if that man had made you to be the one to hurt us?"

"I wouldn't. I'd die first."

"Why do you think Raphael gave up so easily? He wanted to die, Donnie."

_"Raph."_ Mikey whined, resting his cheek against Leo's shell as he listened to his oldest brother. He hated to think of his toughest brother Raphael giving up on life.

"You don't have to tell me that." Donnie croaked. "I know Raphael didn't want to hurt us. I just can't _stand_ looking at him. I don't want to remember it." Donatello's voice dropped to a whisper and he pushed back in his chair, moving away from Leo.

"I'm not letting Raphael leave." Leo promised.

Donatello didn't say anything against what Leo said but he didn't look like he approved of it either. He kept quiet and stared down at his fists in his lap.

Mikey felt a little better knowing that Leo was going to take care of everything. He could always count on his older brother in situations like this.

Leo straightened up and Mikey moved away from resting against Leo's shell.

Mikey then stuck his tongue out at Donnie, as if winning the argument of whether Raph could stay or not warranted that kind of childish behavior. Donnie scowled and Leo promptly smacked Mikey in the back of the head.

* * *

**I hope Donnie's reaction to everything is acceptable and I'm not making him sound like a total dick. xD He DOES care about Raphael. He's just scarred from the events.**


	14. Chapter 14

When Splinter left Raphael with his thoughts, Raphael put his Sais up where they belonged on the weapons wall and he headed toward his area of the sewers. He had decided to stay, much to the encouragement of Splinter, but he wasn't going to face his brothers just yet; maybe in the morning they would all run into each other but right now he planned to avoid that. It was hard enough battling the horrors that ran through his mind without looking at what those horrors had done to his brothers as well.

He walked down the tunnels at a sluggish pace until he reached the manually closed off part of the sewers that he dubbed as his room. He went straight to his hammock, tied between two leaky pipes, and he laid back into it.

Nostalgia; that's what he felt. It was as if one part of his life had died and now he had moved on into a horrible new life that he never asked for.

But something else was prodding his mind; Leo's kiss. What did it mean? It certainly wasn't a kiss that two brothers should be sharing willingly.

And Donnie. What could he possibly say to Donnie? How could he make his brother feel safe around him again? It was a terrible feeling to know that your own brother didn't feel safe near you. They use to all be so close—_it's because I was too damn rough!, _Raphael growled and he shifted in his hammock, closing his eyes. He should have been more gentle.

Or maybe Donnie was right; maybe if he used his brain first then he could have figured out a way to save them all without having to destroy their lives.

"_Raph_?" Mikey's voice was like an echo to Raphael's tired ears. He inhaled deeply through his nose and moved some more in his hammock.

"_What did you and Master Splinter talk about_?"

_"I'm tired, Mikey." Raphael mumbled, then blinked his eyes open and saw Mikey climbing into the hammock with him. "Whoa! Hey, watch it!" He snapped, trying to keep the hammock from flipping them over or tangling them up. _

_"Come on, Raphie, you use to let me sleep with you before."_

_"Yeah when we were fucking eight. We're too big now, idiot." Raphael grumbled but quieted and kept still once Mikey was actually able to settled down by his side in the hammock. "Besides I thought you guys would want your space from me for a few days...or weeks..."_

_Mikey rested his head against Raphael's plastron and his eyes glazed over the smears of blood still staining Raphael._

_"You should sleep in your own bed."_

_"I'm not tired." Mikey was staring back with a strange look in his eyes now; it was familiar to Raphael._

_Mikey shifted around as if uncomfortable and made Raphael move a bit as well until Mikey was half on top of Raphael, making a low churring sound. The expression suddenly clicked to Raphael as he compared it to the memory of Mikey's lustful state back in the white room._

_"Please, Raphael..."_

_"What?" Raphael asked, uncomfortably._

_"Please..."_

Raphael snapped open his eyes from the dream right before Mikey could tell him what it was he was begging for. Raphael didn't want to know. He blinked a few more times, adjusting to his surroundings until he realized that he was staring face to face with Mikey. Only Mikey wasn't laying inside his hammock with him; he was kneeling beside his hammock, looking worried.

"What?" Raphael asked, confused for a moment between what was reality and what was a dream.

"I asked what you and Master Splinter talked about." Mikey repeated.

Raphael stared a minute longer, finally realizing the rest of the conversation between them before was just a conjuring of his own sick state."...Nothing."

Mikey cocked his head then sighed. "I didn't mean to wake you up. I-I just wanted to talk."

Raphael felt like he had done enough talking for one day. He didn't think he could handle any more conversations about what went on but he couldn't push his little brother away at a time like this.

"Leo told me to leave you alone but..." Mikey sighed and he stood up. "I don't know. I can wait to talk to you later, I guess. It's just..." He shrugged and started tugging on his hands nervously.

Raphael was watching Mikey, half-hoping he would go away and half-hoping he would hurry up and tell him what was on his mind.

"Never mind." Mikey began to walk away but Raphael quickly reached out and grabbed his wrist. The hammock swayed slightly from his sudden movements but it settled down again and he gently pulled on Mikey's hand to get him to come back.

"Just tell me. You already woke me up,"_ thank god for that_, Raphael thought, "so the least you can do is tell me why."

Mikey smiled a little but Raphael knew it was defensive. "I've been thinking a lot, um,...about our first time." He said quietly, now trying to pull his wrist out of Raphael's hold.

Raphael let go and Mikey held his own wrist, rubbing it.

"It wasn't how I imagined." Mikey finally said after a long uncomfortable pause.

"Of course it wasn't. Who imagines being raped by their brother." Raphael replied bitterly then moved around and got out of his hammock all together. No way he was going to get to sleep now. He walked over to a hanging punching bag and he pushed his hand against it, watching a trickle of beads pour from a small hole he tried to tape up a few days back.

"Don't say it like that." Mikey sighed. "You didn't rape me."

"It doesn't matter if he made us do it or not, Mikey. I still did it and it's still rape."

Mikey shook his head but didn't push on the subject any longer. "It's just...every time I imagined...sex—"

"—don't say that."

Mikey paused then continued slower. "I thought of myself as...human."

Raphael was surprised now and he looked back to Mikey. _Human?_ "What do you mean, _human?_"

"Not a mutant...not a turtle...just human." Mikey explained softly, shrugging it off. "It's kind of hard to imagine myself doing something like _that,_ you know. So I imagined I was human and usually...it was..." Mikey took a few steps away and mumbled something Raphael couldn't hear.

"What?"

Mikey hesitated then repeated himself. "Usually, it was April who I was with."

Raphael rolled his eyes this time around. "Well, that's not surprising." He relaxed slightly, waiting for Mikey's point for bringing up this incredibly awkward conversation but almost afraid to hear it.

"There's no one else like us, Raph. No other mutant turtles; we're one of a kind. And I never liked thinking of me as myself whenever I thought of being with April...but then we had _our_ first time."

Raphael tensed once more.

"It wasn't great." Mikey admitted. "It hurt...and you scared me a lot."

Raphael refused to make eye contact.

"But it made me realize...that, um," Mikey was finding it more and more difficult to talk about it the closer he came to his point.

Raphael decided to take a wild guess, hoping to end this all soon. "That you can now picture yourself as a mutant turtle when thinking about April?" He cleared his throat and felt his face heat up.

Mikey shook his head and took in a sharp breath before answering. "That I'm not the only mutant turtle and I'm not alone because I have you guys."

Raphael wasn't sure what to make that. Was Mikey...suggesting that he wanted to have sex with his brothers because they were the same species? "I don't understand." He said.

"I don't want to feel alone anymore." Mikey whispered and took small hesitant steps toward Raphael who was still dumbfounded.

"I-I don't understand." Raphael repeated, still not getting the point.

Mikey had an unnerving ability to make eye contact in the most uncomfortable moments. "I just..." Mikey reached out and touched Rapahel's hand.

Raphael let Mikey hold his hand but he didn't provide any comfort to his little brother by holding it back.

"I want...a second chance..."

Raphael probably had the stupidest expression of confusion and bewilderment on his face right now because Mikey was trying to smile again as if it would make everything he was saying seem okay. "...a second chance at a first time..." He took Raphael's hand and gently pulled it, guiding it back to his tail behind him as he moved closer to Raphael. "Please..." Mikey whispered.

Raphael shut his mouth tightly. Maybe it would have been better for him to have still been dreaming. At least then, when he found out what Mikey was begging for, he could wake up knowing it wasn't real. "Mikey." Raphael winced when his fingers touched Mikey's tail but he slowly began to trace the appendage.

Mikey churred and Raphael brought up his other hand, touching Mikey's thigh. What was he suppose to do?

"I don't think you understand what your asking." Raphael continued while his hand still lightly played with Mikey's tail—the sound of Mikey's churring was intoxicating just like their first time. But, during their first time in the room, he tugged too hard on Mikey's tail and had made his little brother...cum. He shuddered at the memory.

Raphael pulled his hand away from his tail and Mikey's churring was dying down to a low rumble in his throat. "Go to bed, Mikey."

The next few seconds happened in a blur. Mikey felt his heart constrict and he shoved away from Raphael, leaving his room quickly.

Raphael could make out Mikey's sobbing in the distance and he waited until he could no longer hear his little brother's crying before moving back over to his hammock. It was a painful truth for Raphael to face but none of them were the same again. Donnie became distance with him, Leo kissed him like some kind of lover, and now Mikey wanted to recreate their first time?!

Raphael laid back in his hammock and he stared ahead, allowing the tears to fall down his face.

And what was he suppose to do...?

* * *

**I hope this chapter wasn't confusing at all xD I tried hard with the dream-to-reality transition scene xD I italicized the dream like in previous chapters to make it easier to understand lol**


	15. Chapter 15

Leo looked up when he heard Mikey crying down the tunnel. He watched as his younger brother ran in but could barely get a word in as Mikey ran by to his part of the tunnels where his room was. Leo stood up and glanced behind him at Donnie who stared wide-eyed from his seat by the blank monitors. "I told him not to bother Raph." Leo huffed. He had no idea that was where Mikey had snuck off to but he should have realized that. Now he was torn between two paths; should he go comfort Mikey or check up on Raphael?

Donnie decided for him as his intelligent brother quickly got out of his seat and ran after Mikey. "Mikey!" He called, worried.

Leo watched Donnie until he was out of sight then he turned and headed toward Raphael's room.

* * *

Mikey pushed aside the curtains posing as his bedroom door and he stumbled over the junk cluttering his floors until he came to his mattress and collapsed onto it, burying his face into the pillow.

He was alone. That was all he could feel; loneliness and rejection—Rejection from his own brother! But what was Mikey even thinking? Of course Raphael wouldn't want to be with him. Why did Mikey even _want_ to try?! He felt so confused and lost and humiliated. He should have kept his mouth shut. The look on Raphael's face when he told him how he felt showed so much horror that it broke Mikey down into pieces. "I just wanna die!" Mikey cried out then jolted and pulled away from a touch on his shell.

Breathing heavily, he looked up at Donnie, startled.

"Mikey, what happened?" Donnie asked, sitting down on the mattress. "What did he do to you?" He tried to pull Mikey close but Mikey shook his head and scooted back against the wall.

"Nothing." He said with a stuffy voice. He didn't want anyone to know what he tried to make Raphael do. He was so ashamed of himself. "Nothing, just forget about it."

Donnie was disturbed by his brother's reaction. It must have been something really bad if he didn't want to even talk to him about it. "Did he hurt you?"

Mikey shook his head again but Donnie wasn't buying it.

"What did he do?"

Mikey was upset by the darkness in Donnie's tone; mostly because that darkness was directed at Raphael.

"He...he didn't do anything, Donnie." And that was exactly true; Raphael did nothing.

"Then why are you crying?" Donnie asked again, still not convinced.

Mikey scowled at the pushiness and he wiped his arm across his snout. "A lot's been going on, haven't you noticed? I can cry if I want to—I'm not a dancing monkey to you guys! I don't have to smile all the time!" Mikey shouted before planting his face back into his pillow and hugging onto it.

Donnie brushed his hand against Mikey's shell and sighed. "I didn't mean it like that, Mikey."

After a few minutes with Donnie rubbing his shell and Mikey quieting down, Mikey finally turned his head and sniffled. "It was my fault."

Donnie looked back to Mikey, coming out of his own thoughts.

"Please don't be mad at Raph. It was me, not him."

"What happened?"

Mikey went quiet again.

"Mikey? You're worrying me." Donnie reached out to now pet Mikey's head then sighed when Mikey said no more. He rested against his little brother's shell. "Do you want to play some video games? I'll hook it up."

Mikey shook his head.

"Want some pizza?"

Same response.

"How about we watch a movie together. You wanna watch—"

"Don't you ever feel alone, Donnie?"

"—" Donnie was speechless. He swallowed his words and rested his head onto Mikey's shell. "Why should I? I've got you guys."

Mikey's face contorted in pain and he hugged his pillow tighter. "But don't you ever wish we could be human and live normal lives?"

"I don't know." Donnie answered, not sure what to say. "Maybe, sometimes."

"We're not normal...we're freaks. We're big, ugly, _monsters_."

"Why are you talking like this, Mikey?" Donnie scooted closer and tried to hug on his younger brother.

"We're destined to be alone; no happily ever after; no one to love us. We'll—" Mikey took in a shuddering breath and blinked the tears from his eyes. "We'll never find anyone like us and we'll never be close again. We're broken." Mikey's voice cracked and bit his lip.

Donnie was finding it painfully hard to cheer his brother up. If anything, Mikey was just bringing Donnie down to his level of sadness. He couldn't think of one thing to say that would contradict Mikey because he felt the same.

So they just stayed in silence together.

* * *

Leo entered Raphael's room with urgency, afraid of the state Raphael might be in.

Raphael was pounding his punching bag with violent punches. The hole in the punching bag was getting bigger and beads were pouring from the tear.

"Raphael." Leo said sternly, making Raphael's movements cease but he didn't turn around.

"Back off, Leo. Can't a guy just have a few fucking seconds alone without being bombarded."

Leo tried to relax himself and come off less accusing. "I just wanted to make sure that you're alright."

"I'm peachy."

"What upset Mikey so much?"

Raphael narrowed his eyes and he gave the punching bag one last punch, knocking the bag off the hook and to the ground with incredible force.

Leo came over slowly.

"This whole mess has got us all fucked up, Leo." Raphael turned to Leo now and backed up when Leo took another step closer. "Donnie hates me."

"No he doesn't."

"Mikey is...he—" Raphael growled then shook his head. "I don't know how to fix any of this."

Leo smiled softly at the irony and took another step closer. "Raphael, this isn't your problem to fix." It was his problem to fix; he was the older brother and it was his job to fix things.

"I hurt you all...I don't know how to say sorry for what I did. I can't say sorry enough for it—it's _impossible!"_ He covered his face and backed up to his wall, sliding down it. "My sorries don't mean anything! They'll never fix anything!"

Leo took this opportunity to come closer and kneel down beside Raphael. "Raphael, why don't you understand?" He placed his hand onto his brother's shoulder. "You have nothing to be sorry for. You did what any one of us would do in that situation, Raph. You did what you thought was best for us." Leo hated to hear Raphael cry. Raphael was always so stubborn about showing his tears around his brothers so seeing him cry so openly in front of him was heart wrenching.

"I...I raped you guys!" Raphael bawled.

Leo pulled Raphael close, allowing Raph to tuck his head against his neck. "No, we were all raped." Leo swallowed at the uncomfortable feeling he got from saying those words. "Stop seeing yourself as the bad guy, Raphael, because you're not. You were hurt just like the rest of us." He hugged Raph tighter and rocked gently to try and calm his brother's crying.

A few minutes passed and Raphael quieted down. "What is it with you and mothering us?" He muttered through a thick voice from crying so hard before.

Leo shrugged. "If it's what you need then stop complaining about it."

Raphael sighed and closed his eyes, enjoying the closeness. He frowned deeply when he remembered Mikey and his words. "I think Mikey needs this more than I do."

"What happened, Raph?"

Raphael wouldn't know where to beginning on explaining. Besides, he didn't feel comfortable talking about it. It was like a secret that he couldn't disclose. "He's just...he was hurting and I pushed him away."

"I told him to give you space."

"I didn't know how to comfort him."

"He'll be okay, Raphael. We'll all be okay."

Raphael blinked slowly, wondering whether or not to believe Leo. It was hard to see any of them ever being okay. "Dad wants me to stay. He says it'll help us all heal faster if I do."

"It will." Leo agreed with a kind smile. "And you know what's weird?"

Raphael glanced up to Leo, questionably.

"This is probably the longest we've gone without a fight." Raphael chuckled and he pulled away from Leo.

"Don't make me laugh." Raphael's tone was lighter now and he rubbed the back of his neck, looking over at his broken punching bag.

"Come on." Leo stood up. "This is our night of freedom. We survive this all, didn't we?" He held out his hand and helped Raphael to his feet. "So let's get some pizza and celebrate. We can talk about things and move one step closer to healing."

Raphael's smile and any trace of laughter was gone now. He shook his head. "Talking things out doesn't always work." Besides, they were far from anything warranting a celebration.

Leo nodded slowly, agreeing. "I know...but I still think it would be a good idea to get together. If we stay apart too long, we'll grow distant."

"We've been stuck in a room together for the past week, Leo. A little time apart wouldn't kill us."

"You're just afraid of facing Donnie again."

_And Mikey,_ Raphael thought sadly.

When Leo didn't get a response from Raphael, he gave his brother's shoulder a pat and he sighed. "I'll get some pizza and tell the others. Don't be afraid to come out and join us but I'll understand if you don't." He looked into Raphael's eyes, making a connection with them. Then he took a couple steps closer until he was plastron to plastron with his brother.

Raphael knew what Leo was coming in for—frankly he was surprised that Leo still wanted to kiss him. He thought the other kisses were given because of the situation they were in; but they weren't in danger now, Raphael wasn't dying, and no one was forcing them to feel anything.

So when Leo kissed him, it felt like the first kiss all over again. In the back of his mind, Raphael chastised himself for allowing Leo to kiss him while pushing Mikey away for wanting something similar. Everything was moving so fast; feelings were coming up that Raphael didn't understand. Were these feelings his own or conjured up from the horrible experience they all shared?

When Leo pulled away, he gave Raphael another smile before walking away.

Raphael went over to his hammock and sat down, watching Leo leave.

* * *

That night, Leo sat down on the couch with an unopened box of pizza beside him; no Mikey, no Donnie, no Raph.

Leo sighed and pushed the pizza box farther away. He wasn't sure how long it would take for them all to get together and be like they use to be but he knew one thing for sure; he wasn't going to give up on them. He loved them too much to stop trying.

He just prayed that tomorrow would be easier...

* * *

**Poor, Leo. The only way he can cope is by trying to fix his brothers but that's proving to be difficult lol**

**Also, I'm unable to respond to guest reviews so to answer; **

**_TMNT76:_ Yes, in my summary I mentioned this would be an OT4 but I hope that this doesn't discourage you from reading. I will have plenty of Raph/Leo moments, I promise. :3 Everyone gets a little bit of everything ;D Plus, I'm a huge OT4 fan. I just can't decide! lmao**

**And to _Guest:_ Actually, Leo seems to be the only one to acknowledge that Raphael was also raped. And I know what you mean about stories that don't focus on the emotional part. I've read a few of those xD It was weird how they didn't care about anything they went through.**


	16. Chapter 16

"_Leo_!"

Leo's body flinched impulsively at the distant sound of his name but only managed a sigh before slipping back into his deep sleep.

_"Leo!"_

"Whu-!" Leo snapped awake this time, finally recognizing the terror in the voice. He sat up straight and looked around. It was quiet at the moment and he was now wondering if he had been dreaming the cry of his name. He looked beside him and saw the pizza box had tipped over onto the floor sometime during his sleep; looked like the pizza was still safe inside. He reached down and picked it up, setting it back onto the cushion by his side. Maybe he can convince them all to eat lunch with him instead—

"_Leo, I need you_!"

"Donnie?" Leo jumped out of his seat and ran toward the direction of Mikey's room where he had heard Donnie's cry for help. "Donnie! What's wrong?" He shoved aside the curtains and looked in to see Mikey sitting up in bed, shaking Donnie who was thrashing around in his sleep.

"_Leo, please!_" Donnie cried in his sleep.

"I can't get him to wake up!" Mikey panicked. He had woken up with a start just a few moments ago when Donnie began crying out in his sleep for their big brother.

"He's having a night terror." Leo quickly came to his their side and rested a hand against Donnie's cheek but Donnie thrashed again and pushed him away.

"Donnie! Donnie, calm down!" Leo shouted, trying to get through to him. Mikey backed away as Leo sat down next to Donnie and pulled his brother up into his arms. "I'm here!"

Donnie's movements became more sluggish now but he still managed to ward off Leo's hug for a minute longer before he was finally quieted down by Leo's cooing.

"I'm here, Donnie."

_"Leo..."_ Donnie mumbled then tucked into Leo's chest, accepting the embrace as friendly.

Leo was amazed that Donnie was still sleeping. He had never seen any of his brothers act out like this in their sleep—well, he once caught Mikey sleep eating but Leo was 90% sure that it was just a fallback Mikey used to get away with sneaking food at night. This was more than just a nightmare Donnie was dealing with to cause him to thrash so wildly like this.

Mikey peeked over Leo to look down at Donnie. "Should we try and wake him up again?"

Leo shook his head. "I don't know." He gently brushed his fingers against Donnie's cheek, watching him sleep. "He's calming down now. I think he'll be okay."

Mikey reached over and mimicked Leo's comforting touches against the top of Donnie's head.

Leo looked over to Mikey's bedroom door curtains when he saw them waver slightly but there was no one there. "Watch, Donnie. If he gets upset again then holler. I'll come back." Leo said, carefully switching places with Mikey.

Mikey nodded, continuing to stroke Donnie's face lovingly.

* * *

"_What don't you understand?"_

_Raphael trembled from the sound of the man's voice surrounding him and taunting him._

"_I want you to fuck your brother." The laughter that arose from the speaker box graded into Raphael's ears and etched itself permanently into his memory. The laugh was completely amused; a sick twinkling laugh that perhaps you might hear from a pompous wealthy man talking about the homeless._

_Obviously Leo was the first to 'volunteer' himself to Raphael._

"_No." Raphael backed away but the man became angry and he started to scream at him now._

"_If you don't fuck your brother, I'll skin him alive! I'll hang him from the ceiling and force salt into his bleeding wounds—"_

_Raphael's heartbeat drowned out the rest of the horrid torturous words as it thumped loudly in his ears._

_Leo was saying something to him but he couldn't make it out—it was probably something comforting or an order._

_Then Leo grabbed Raphael's hand and guided them both to the floor._

_Raphael made a regretful glance toward his other brothers who were in just as much shock as he was._

_Why was this happening? Why did this have to happen to them? How come they weren't able to stop this from happening? None of those questions ran through his mind until after it had happened. During the moment, only one thing was running through Raphael's mind and that was_ 'Stop'.

"_Stop..." He said when Leo laid back and pulled him on top._

"_Stop," He whined as Leo reached down and rubbed his cloacae._

"_Stop." He pinned Leo's shoulders to the ground and glared at him with tears in his eyes as Leo guided him closer._

_A couple of shocks to Leo's chains were all Raphael needed to be persuaded to push inside just to make Leo's cries stop. It didn't work. Leo began crying more and Raphael sped up to try and finish quicker. He thrust inside of his brother over and over, blocking out the voice of the man who laughed and ignoring the horrified faces of his brothers. He couldn't look away from Leo though. He stared right into his eyes with so much shock at what he was doing to him._

_Leo was trying not to cry, Raphael could see that. Leo bit his tongue until he bled._

_Raphael shook his head and he leaned down and gave Leo's temple a press with his lips. "Everything will be okay." He lied._

"_Fuck him 'til you cum, you fucking slut!"_

"Are you okay?"

The nightmare playing in Raphael's mind quickly faded and Raphael straightened up to seeing Leo standing behind him by the wall.

Raphael was gripping tightly onto the door handle of the old recycled fridge where they kept most of their food. "Hey." He muttered, not answering Leo's question.

Leo pointed behind himself in the direction of the other two brother's. "Donnie was having a nightmare, that's all..." He smiled slightly. "You could have come inside if you wanted."

Raphael shrugged. "It looked like you were taking care of it."

Leo watched Raphael turn back to look in the fridge. "Are you hungry? I bought some pizza. It's in the livingroom."

"I'm not hungry." Raphael sighed, shutting the fridge door. "I know what he's dreaming about. I can't stop having nightmares of it either."

"You think he's afraid of you_—_"

"I know it."

"—then show him that there's nothing to be afraid of."

Raphael crossed his arms over his plastron and he huffed.

Leo held out his hand. "Come on, doofus, don't make me drag you in there."

_"Where?_ In with Donnie? I'm not going in there." Raphael took a step back, stubbornly.

"He's asleep, Raph."

"Yeah, so what's the point?" Raphael pushed Leo's hand away when Leo came closer then growled when Leo grabbed his arm.

"Because you can help his nightmares go away."

"I'm the one giving him nightmares, Leo."

Leo pulled on Raphael's arm, dragging him through the tunnels.

"I don't want to." Raphael's tone dropped to an angry whisper the closer they got to Mikey's room. "Leo, cut it out!"

Leo pushed aside the curtains and pulled Raphael into Mikey's room.

Raphael stepped on one of Mikey's skateboards before kicking it aside, annoyed. He mostly stared at the floor.

Mikey looked up when the two came in then quickly looked back down to Donnie, embarrassed.

"Mikey, let Raphael hold Donnie for a bit. I got us some pizza. I know you haven't eaten at all since we got home." Leo said, pulling Raphael over to the bed.

"Okay." Mikey didn't feel hungry—okay, he felt a lot hungry—but he really just didn't want to be in the same room as Raphael right now; not until he could forget about what happened. He awkwardly switched places with Raphael who protested to the very end.

"I don't like this." Raphael growled as Mikey gently leaned Donnie onto Raphael. "Donnie wouldn't fucking want this." He held his arms out like the turtle against him was infected with a disease. "He's sleeping for Christ's sake!" He whispered loudly but when he looked over his shoulder to complain more to Leo, they were gone. "Fuck you guys." He snorted then turned back to Donnie who was sleeping soundly. This was weird. Why did he have to be the fucking babysitter here? Shouldn't this be Leo's job? Leo's obviously a walking bag of estrogen right now, he should be doing this.

Raphael sighed as he lowered his arms, resting one across Donnie's lap while the other cradled the back of Donnie's head. Hopefully Donnie would stay asleep. Neither of them would be happy if he woke up right now—_what was Leo thinking!_

* * *

Mikey sat down on the couch, picking up the pizza box and setting it on his lap.

"I don't like you being quiet." Leo said, walking behind the couch and resting his arms on the back of it.

Mikey shrugged and opened the pizza box, pulling out a slice. "What about you."

"What about me?"

"I don't understand why you're so okay with everything." Mikey mumbled.

Leo frowned and he placed one hand onto the top of Mikey's head.

"And your clingy." He added.

Leo chuckled a little at that but he removed his hand from Mikey's head. "I'm just worried." He admitted, watching Mikey stare at the slice of pizza instead of eating it.

"You act like everything is gonna be okay..."

"It will be someday." Leo promised.

"How do you know?" Mikey looked back up to Leo and set the slice back into the box.

Leo shrugged. "I just do." He watched the transition of confusion, doubt, and finally sadness overwhelmed Mikey's eyes. "Talk to me..." Leo said softly, placing his hand back onto Mikey's head for comfort.

"I...I don't know what happening..."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't feel okay." Mikey turned away from Leo and he pushed the box of pizza aside.

"Mikey, you can tell me anything."

Mikey was about to get up off of the couch but Leo moved his hand to his shoulder now and kept him in place. "I...I went to Raphael last night."

Leo had to lean in to hear Mikey.

"I told him...I said...I wanted him to..." Mikey was beginning to hyperventilate and couldn't quite get what he wanted to say out. "I just...didn't want to feel...but...!"

Leo hugged Mikey from behind and he nuzzled his cheek, feeling the wetness of tears. "It's okay, Mikey."

"But I feel so_—hic__—_" Mikey hiccuped as he tried to force himself to stop crying but Leo continued to nuzzle him.

Then Leo kissed Mikey's cheek for comfort. "Calm down, Mike." He nuzzled him again. "I'm here. Don't be afraid. I'll fix everything." He let go of Mikey briefly to walk around the couch and sit beside him.

"But-but I was...I was asking him to.." Mikey was able to control himself a little better as he watched Leo walk around.

Leo moved aside the pizza box and sat down.

"I wanted another chance...I wanted to...do _it...again."_ Mikey finally said. He tried to cover his face but Leo grabbed his wrists.

"Why, Mikey?" He asked gently and lowered Mikey's hands.

"I just don't want to feel alone!" Mikey cried out. "We're all alone in this world, Leo! There's no one out there for us and I just thought that—!"

"That _we_ could be there for you?" Leo leaned in.

"You don't have to tell me how sick that is; seeing the look of Raph's face was bad enough—I know that it makes me even more of a freak but I just_—_" Mikey stopped short when Leo's lips pressed against his own and he pulled back quickly. "Leo." He whined.

Leo reached out and stroked Mikey's cheek. "It's a good idea, Mikey." He smiled.

Mikey's face heated up and he shook his head. "No, it's a sick idea. And you're only doing this because you want to make me feel better."

"I'm doing this because I love you." Leo leaned in again but Mikey turned his head.

"You don't love me like this."

"Do you love me?"

"Of course I do but this isn't right."

"Who says?"

Mikey blinked a few times. "Well,...everyone, duh."

Leo smirked and he pulled Mikey closer. "Well, not everyone is a mutant turtle, Mikey." He rubbed his hand up Mikey's leg. "I'm okay with this if you are." He said.

Mikey shook his head and he moved out of Leo's arms. "No, it's not right." He was still traumatized over his encounter with Raphael. "You're only saying this stuff because you don't want to hurt my feelings—"

Leo opened his mouth to say something but Mikey cut him off.

"—But I'm fine, Leo. I'm fine." He turned and quickly walked away, heading down one of the tunnels for some space. "I'm fine..."

Leo sighed, watching him go. He then picked up the pizza box and set it on his lap, taking out a slice. "...sounded like a good idea to me." Leo mumbled before taking a bite.


	17. Chapter 17

Raphael would stare down at Donnie every time his brother shifted around beside him but most times he busied himself by looking at the various items in Mikey's room.

"Hoarder." He remarked, catching a pile of VHS tapes that no one ever used—_ever._

_"Leo."_ Donnie whimpered.

Raphael looked back down to his brother and watched him closely.

_"Leo..."_

Donnie looked like he was about to cry so Raphael rubbed his brother's lap where his hand was resting. "It's fine." He said, wondering if Donnie heard him in his sleep.

Donnie's body went rigid for a moment then the whimpering started again and he began to move around a lot more.

"Hey, hey, I said you're fine. It's okay, Don." Raphael panicked, not knowing what to do.

_"Stop..."_ Donnie murmured, pushing his hands against Raphael plastron.

"Alright, alright." Raphael gently pushed Donnie to lay on the mattress and he got off of the bed, backing up. He knew what Donnie needed; he needed to not be around Raphael. Maybe his voice got to Donnie's subconscious and tortured him in his dreams. Raphael sighed at the thought of that being true.

Donnie's next few lines were a garbled mess but Raphael picked up the words 'help me' and backed up some more, reaching up to hold the back of his head. "Shit, Donnie. I wish I could...I really wish I could." He didn't like see Donnie like this; squirming in pain from the aftermath of his horrible memories.

He looked to the curtains and decided that it might be best to go get Leo but then Donnie whispered his name and he stopped to listen again.

_"Raphael..."_

Raphael looked side to side, unsure with himself. "Yeah?" He asked, taking a timid step closer and lowering his hands from the back of his head.

Donnie rolled over and pulled the blankets up, hugging onto them like a child.

Raphael wrung his hands nervously as he came back to the bedside and tilted his head to get a good look at Donnie's pained expression. "Donnie?"

_"Whut?"_ Donnie's voice was pouty and he curled in more to himself.

"It's Raph. How you doin', bro?"

Donnie didn't answer but he made a soft sigh and loosened his hold on the blankets. Raphael took that as a good thing and he slowly sat down on the edge of the bed. He didn't want to wake Donnie.

_"Are you still there?_" Donnie muttered.

Raphael chuckled nervously, scratching his cheek absentmindedly. "Uh yeah, I didn't leave. I just...Leo wanted me to keep an eye on you." He cleared his throat.

_"Please don't leave._" Donnie repeated, pushing his hand out across the mattress, not necessarily in Raphael's direction.

Raphael watched then asked slowly. "Are you still sleeping?" He reached out hesitantly and touched Donnie's browline lightly before moving his hand back and continuing the motion in a gentle stroking rhythm. He was clearly still sleeping so Raphael continued to stroke Donnnie's browline for a few moments until Donnie's eyes slowly began to open with a glazed look.

Raphael's hand snapped back and he pushed himself up into a standing position by the bed.

Donnie's eyes shifted to Raphael's direction and he stared for a moment or two, letting his hand move across the sheet. He soon pushed himself up onto his hip and looked more focused at his surrounding—specifically where Mikey had been laying before he fell asleep. Then he looked back to Raphael who didn't budge one bit. "Where's Mikey?"

Raphael pointed behind him with strict movements. "Eatin' pizza with Leo."

Donnie looked Raphael over with a wary expression before pulling the blanket up a little more, feeling uncomfortable with Raphael staring at him so...harshly. If he didn't know any better he would say that Raphael look a bit frightened.

Raphael caught Donnie's hand pulling up the blanket more and felt offended that Donnie thought he needed to cover up around him. He wasn't looking at anything and there was nothing to even see!

"Do you want something?" Donnie asked, assuming Raphael was standing there for some reason.

Raphael shook his head and took a step back. "I was just...checkin' up. Seein' if you were alright and...stuff."

Donnie reached up to straighten his glasses. He rarely fell asleep with his glasses on but he didn't have much choice; he was held by Mikey for most of the night and his glasses were the last thing on his mind. "I'm okay." He sighed, sitting up a little more and crossing his legs.

"You sure—I mean, alright. I mean, I just wanted to make sure."

Donnie looked back up at Raphael, confused by the shyness emanating from him. "Are _you_ okay?"

Raphael nodded quickly. "Sure."

Donnie didn't buy it—but then again, it was an obvious fact by now that _none_ of them were okay. "Did you sleep at all last night? You look tired."

"I do?"

"You're all jittery."

"Oh, yeah—Well, it was too hot in my room—Couldn't sleep right." He scowled at himself for talking so quickly. Public speaking skills weren't his strong suite but any skills he had were now going down the toilet.

Donnie sighed again and began to pull at the corner of the blanket. "I know what this is about."

"What _what's_ about?"

"Why you're all..." Donnie looked up to Raphael again. "You're mad at me."

Raphael pulled back stunned and he shook his head slowly. "Never."

"You are. You're mad because I didn't speak up when you wanted me to tell you to stay." Donnie averted his eyes again.

Raphael's shoulders relaxed some and he continued to shake his head. "I'm not mad at you."

"Then what is it? Disappointed? Ashamed? Honestly, I think I'd rather you be angry with me..."

Raphael looked down at his hands, rubbing his palms together gently as he sat down on the bed again. He took a breath, preparing to speak, but then closed his mouth and became silent.

Donnie was patient with Raphael and he eventually pushed the covers aside to sit properly beside him. He sneaked a look over Raphael's person, noticing the areas of dried blood from his recent killing spree.

"Do you really see a monster when you look at me?" Raphael finally asked.

Donnie was so quiet at first that Raphael had gotten his answer before Donnie had even spoke up. "Sometimes..."

Raphael closed his eyes and lowered his head, feeling nothing but shame. "I'm sorry."

Donnie took off his glasses; he couldn't stand to see Raphael 's expression at this moment because it broke his heart. He set his glasses beside him and reached out, touching his brother's hand. "I just don't know how to accept any of this." He began. "I just...I don't want to see you that way, Raph. And I know in my mind that you're not a bad person. I know that, please believe me."

Raphael opened his eyes partially to stare down at Donnie's hand on his own.

"I know it wasn't your fault but...it was..." Donnie couldn't finish that sentence so he continued with his second point. "...and then you left us to go kill all of those people." He squeezed Raphael's hand.

Raphael scowled now. "You wanted them dead, too."

Donnie didn't argue that. "When I look at you...I just see—"

"A weapon." Raphael finished. He knew what Donnie saw because that's what he became under the control of that man. "You see me as a weapon that was used to hurt you and then to kill those people."

Donnie didn't deny that; in fact, Raphael said it better than he could have.

"But what can I do to get you to see me as your brother again?" Raphael asked, finally looking up to make eye contact. "Tell me. Please, Donnie. I'd do anything."

"...I don't know."

The silence that grew between them was suffocating for Donnie. He pulled his hand away from Raphael's but Raph reached out and took it again. "I'm sorry." He said for the umpteenth time. But just as he had said before with Leo, his sorries meant nothing.

Donnie lightly tugged his hand away, nodding briefly to acknowledge that he heard him.

Raphael didn't want to lose Donnie. "I, uh...I love you." He said awkwardly, hoping that it didn't make matters worse.

Raphael was surprised to see that it helped a little as he watched a small smile forming Donnie's lips. "I know...I—" Donnie looked up to Raphael, staring at him with wet eyes while biting the inside of his cheek. His smile was leaving just as suddenly as it appeared. "I—"

Raphael would have preferred never coming back from drowning if that meant that he would have to live to witness one of his brothers struggling to say '_I love you_' to him. He didn't think anything could hurt worse that the memories of raping his brothers but this was it. This was what gave him the most pain..._please say it,_ Raphael hoped.

"I—"

"I love you." Raphael said again.

Tears were beginning to roll down Donnie's cheek as he continued to stare. His heart was constricting. He never found it so difficult to speak before and they were three words he should never have trouble saying to one of his brothers.

"I _love_ you..." Raphael's voice cracked and he reached out and touched Donnie's hand again.

"I know." Donnie' s voice was hoarse as he tried not to cry but it was too late. He pulled away from Raphael and covered his face to give himself at least that much privacy as he cried into his hands.

Raphael swallowed but the lump in his throat wouldn't go away. What did this mean? What was happening and why couldn't he stop it!?

"Say it back." He lost his voice for a bit but he cleared it and he growled lowly, getting angry. "Say. It. Back." He urged.

Donnie was wiping his eyes of the tears but continued to cry. "I-I I love you!" He forced out, still crying and turning his back to Raphael.

Raphael winced at the rush of words and he shook his head, slowly getting up. "I don't believe you..." He whispered, backing up.

Donnie was sucking in sharp amounts of air, trying but failing to regulate his breathing during his sobs. "I-I do! I just...I don't know! I'm just scared!" He looked up but Raphael was blurry to him so he couldn't make out his expression. He continued to try and dry his eyes but it was still hard to see without his glasses. "I don't know how to feel about anything, Raph! But you'll always be my brother, that will never change—!"

_"I didn't want to do it!_" Raphael shouted as he lunged forward and grabbed Donnie by his shoulders. "I didn't want to do it! I was fucking forced, don't you get it! There was _nothing_ that I could have done to stop it!" He screamed and shook Donnie whenever his brother thrashed in his grip.

"Let me go!" Donnie cried, trying to pull away.

"Can't you just get it through your head! Why is it so hard to forgive me!? Why can't you just say you love me without looking so goddamn guilty!" He finally shoved Donnie away and watched as Donnie backed across the mattress, pulling the blankets back over him again.

Raphael didn't want to be there anymore. He grabbed Donnie's glasses from their place on the mattress and, just in pure rage and anger, he tossed them across the room before storming out, leaving behind just the sounds of Donnie's crying.


	18. Chapter 18

Michelangelo had been wondering the tunnels for hours. He knew his way around the sewer system but he didn't travel far from their lair—most of the time he just stood in a single spot and sulked. By the time Mikey came back to his home, everything was quiet again. He checked up on Splinter, hoping for maybe a dad-to-son talk, but couldn't find him in his room.

Donnie was asleep in his bed and he could only assume that Raphael had gone back to his room because there was no sign of him either.

The pizza on the couch was half-eaten but Leo was no longer there.

He had done a lot of thinking while he was gone. He thought about his encounter with Raphael more than his talk with Leo. When he tried to get himself to think about Leo he became more confused than he already was.

Eventually he came to his conclusion and hoped he wasn't in the wrong.

He walked to Leo's end of the lair and he slowly pushed open the rickety door—which was actually pretty well installed. Leo was meditating on the floor so Mikey slipped in soundlessly and gently shut the door behind him.

When Leo opened one eye to scout out the intruder, he smiled and relaxed back into his meditation. "Come to join?" He asked, motioning to the spot next to him and closing his eyes again.

Mikey took tentative steps closer then swallowed nervously as he stood beside Leo. "I was thinking about what you said earlier." He began.

"Mhm, you mean about what _you_ said. I was just agreeing with you." Leo pretended to be more focused on his meditation.

Mikey rubbed his arm and chuckled nervously. "Yeah, I-I know that, man. I didn't know why you were agreeing with me though. I just...I couldn't understand if I was making you feel that way or not."

"I'm not just agreeing with you to make you feel better, Mikey. I'm your brother and I'm serious when I say that I love you. I'm also dead serious when I say that—" Leo stopped short when he felt Mikey slowly lower himself down onto his lap, straddling him. He blinked open his eyes to see Mikey nervously bring his hands up to rest on his shoulders. "...and, uh, and I'm serious when I say that I want this, too." Leo also moved his hands, touching his little brother's thighs.

"Is this too weird?" Mikey looked down at Leo's plastron, shyly.

Leo shook his head and he smiled. "It's kind of weird that you're shy." Leo gently caressed Mikey's thighs.

"I'm not shy." Mikey scoffed and looked up into Leo's eyes to prove it.

Leo leaned in and kissed Mikey's cheek. Then he rested their foreheads together and pulled him closer.

"How come you're not upset with me for wanting this?" Mikey asked after closing his eyes, leaning against the touch.

"I don't see it the way you do. It doesn't feel wrong to me." Leo frowned though and moved his hands up to rub Mikey's sides. "What that man made us do was wrong." He felt Mikey tense at the mention of their enemy.

"Serious boner kill, dude." Mikey mumbled, tucking his face against Leo's neck for added security.

"I love you, Mikey. And I love Raphael and Donnie. If you want to know why, well,...I don't know. Maybe Donnie has some answers; maybe it's because we're the only ones of our kind and so we've just got to take what we can _get—oof!"_

Mikey had smacked Leo in the back of the head but he was chuckling now so Leo smirked at the playfulness emanating from his younger brother. He missed that so much.

"You're _such_ a romantic." Mikey teased. "So, I'm just the best you can get from such limited options?"

"I was just throwing out ideas on the matter." Leo kissed Mikey's cheek again. "But I honestly don't know why I feel this way about you guys. It's just a feeling that has been growing inside of me and...it never felt wrong."

Mikey churred slightly and moved around on Leo's lap, getting more comfortable. "Do they know how you feel too?"

"Raphael does. He's confused about it all. I wouldn't push him about it."

Mikey's churring became a softer rumbled and a longing look glaze over his eyes.

Leo brought his hand up and cupped Mikey's cheek. "I know you didn't get the perfect _first time_ that you've always wanted." He said softly. "But if you accept me, I'll make sure to give you exactly what you deserve, Mikey."

"Hmp," Mikey's churring became a little louder and he smiled more easily. "You should talk like that more often. It's _almost_ sexier than your leader voice."

Leo's voice dropped to his more serious leader tone. "Would you prefer my leader voice?" He asked then laughed when Mikey shivered with arousal.

"Dude." Mikey pushed closer, touching plastron to plastron with his oldest brother. "Don't talk like that unless you want me cumming early."

Leo pushed Mikey to the floor and hovered over him, pinning his brother down. "I wasn't aware you had such a dirty mouth on you." He smirked.

"You're making me all hot, Leo." Mikey whined as if that was anything to complain about.

"Then tell me what I should do to cool you down." Leo pulled Mikey's legs around his waist, sitting in-between them.

"Mm, you're the one in charge around here." Mikey said with lust. "And you're pretty good at figuring out what's best for me so why don't you decide."

It was nice to see Mikey so relaxed for him. After what they had been through, seeing that Mikey was able to put his entire faith and trust into Leo was endearing and comforting. Leo wanted to make sure that Mikey wasn't making a mistake in putting his trust into him. He was the older brother, after all. He would do anything for any of his brothers to make sure they were safe and, most of all, loved.

"Stop looking at me like that." Mikey giggled, pushing his hand against Leo's face.

"It's called a lover's gaze." Leo muffled into Mikey's hand, smiling as Mikey laughed some more. He loved knowing that he could take away Mikey's tears and make him laugh again. Leo reached down and he pressed his fingers against Mikey's cloaca.

The sudden touch caused Mikey to gasp and pull his hand off of Leo's face to give his brother a sudden punch in the shoulder.

"What the hell was that for?" It hurt but the terrified look on Mikey's face was what had bothered Leo the most. It was weird how quickly the mood died down.

"I..I'm sorry." Mikey pulled his fist close, rubbing it. "I didn't expect that." He squirmed a bit as Leo kept his fingers pressed against his slit. "Feels...weird."

"Are you hurting down here?" Leo asked, becoming serious.

Mikey looked away. "A little sore."

Leo nodded in understanding. He felt the same so he knew what he was dealing with. He carefully began to rub Mikey's slit and watched Mikey's face as he did so to monitor the pain and/or pleasure his little brother was feeling.

"It doesn't hurt a lot; it's a bruisey feeling. I'm mostly just freakin' out because...well,...we're taking a big step here." Mikey bit his bottom lip and glanced down but wouldn't raise his head off the floor to see what Leo was doing with his hand—he could _feel_ what he was doing just fine.

"It's a good step."

Mikey smiled softly again as Leo leaned down close and they nuzzled their snouts. "I know..."

* * *

**Well, Raph and Donnie aren't getting along too well but at least Leo and Mikey are onboard the OT4 train ;D**


	19. Chapter 19

Mikey breathed deeply and raised his leg a little with the help of Leo holding the back of his thigh. He blinked with bleary eyes, staring unfocused at the ceiling pipes. "Leo..." He moaned.

Leo raised his head from between Mikey's legs and pushed up his brother's leg a bit more before lowering his mouth back down to caress Mikey's erection with his tongue. It was Leo's ideo to start off with oral. It was better this way for Mikey. Mikey was still too sore from the forced intrusion of Raphael and Leo didn't want to prolong Mikey's healing process; so he thought up a few alternative suggestions they could try.

Mikey didn't object but he didn't exactly feel like he had much of a say.

They were quiet for the longest time; Leo's mouth was busy pleasuring Mikey while Mikey was too distracted to think of anything to say. But since the quiet wasn't awkward and didn't make Mikey uncomfortable, they accepted it and just focused on what their bodies were feeling.

Leo pulled back once again only this time because he thought he heard something.

Mikey blinked slowly and sighed. "Leo?"

"I thought I heard someone."

Mikey's head lulled to the side to see Leo's door was still closed. He blinked a few more times, just staring at the door and waiting for someone to come in or for Leo to continue.

Leo continued to watch the door with his hand fisted around Mikey's member. He began to pump Mikey so to keep the stimulus going.

Mikey's churring filled the room once more and Leo turned his attention back to his little brother with a fond smile.

Mikey nuzzled his cheek against the floor then opened his eyes softly, turning his head to look at Leo.

Leo leaned over and kissed Mikey softly. "Does that feel good?"

Mikey raised his head up to give Leo another kiss then lied it back against the floor. He looked around the room, avoiding the question for a moment. "I—uh...I want to ride you."

Leo's face heated up and he shook his head. "You're sore. I want you to heal."

"If I ride you, I'll get control over everything, right?"

"I don't know. I've never been ridden before...or rode anyone...or had any sexual relations until a few days ago." He remarked, semi-playfully.

Mikey sat up, and rested his hand against Leo's plastron.

Leo stopped his ministrations on Mikey's cock.

"I want to try." He smiled, showing off his confidence. Leo admired the kink in his brother and didn't want to suppress his creativity so he agreed.

He gave a lulling nod. "Alright," Leo said as he pulled Mikey closer and leaned back onto his shell.

Mikey crawled onto Leo and held his brother's shoulders. "Where's your mask?"

"Behind you on the stand. Why—_oof_!" Mikey pushed his knee into Leo's gut as he got off of his brother and went over to retrieve the mask.

"I want you to wear it—backwards."

"Blindfolding each other already?" Leo chuckled. "Is it for play or are you nervous?" He teased.

Mikey didn't answer. He sat back onto his brother and tied Leo's mask on backwards, covering his Leo's eyes. "Can you see me?" He stuck out his tongue then made a funny face.

"Not really."

_Slap_!

"_Ow_! What the fuck, man?" Leo complained, rubbing his sore cheek from the smack of Mikey's hand.

"Just making sure." Mikey chuckled.

Muttering a profanity, Leo reached out his hand and Mikey took hold of it, interlocking their fingers. Leo smiled and rested his head back, waiting for whatever Mikey would do next.

* * *

Donnie was trembling all over. He couldn't have possibly seen what he saw. It couldn't be true. It was a misunderstanding!

He backed up from Leo's door. He had just wanted some advice from his older brother. He cried himself to sleep and when he woke up he was alone. He couldn't find Mikey and he didn't want to go to Raphael...he was in too much trouble with his hot headed brother to even think about going to him. His glasses had cracks in them so, when he opened Leo's door, he didn't quiet understand what he was seeing. But the pieces fit together when he heard Mikey moan and saw Leo raising up his head from between his little brother's—_Oh god!_

Donnie turned and staggered a few feet with his hand over his mouth. No! No...! He dropped down onto his knees but then he heard Mikey moan again and he gasped and jumped to his feet, running down the tunnel. First, he catches Leo and Raphael kissing and, now, he catches Leo giving Mikey oral?!

"No..." Donnie grabbed his glasses off his face and tossed them blindly as he ran; they were useless anyways but now maybe he could stop seeing how horribly fucked up everything was becoming.

He went to Splinters room but...no Master Splinter. He went to his own room but backed out quickly and cried out in frustration. He didn't want to be alone! Not with these images slamming against his brain.

He touched the walls following the tunnels until he came to Raphael's part of the sewers. He planned on coming in this direction but once he got here, he didn't know what his next move was.

Raphael didn't want to see him, that's for sure. But whenever he turned to walk away, he couldn't move. He was having nightmares while he was awake now...horrible, horrible, nightmares...why was this happening!?

He slid down the wall and pulled his legs up against his chest, sitting outside of Raphael's room with no intention of going inside but not wanting to leave.

It was only a few minutes later when he was noticed.

"What do you want?"

Donnie looked up, squinting his eyes at the blurry figure of his larger brother standing at the doorway to his room.

Raphael had heard Donnie quite clearly from inside of his room; it took him moment to get up the nerve to come out and check up on him though. "Well?" It wasn't like he was expecting Donnie at all but he assumed his brother had come to apologize or something like that.

Donnie used the wall to pull himself back up onto his feet and once he came closer to Raphael he could make out more of his features. "I had a nightmare..."

Raphael crossed his arms over his plastron and stood a little straighter, coming off as more intimidating. "And?"

Donnie shook his head, looking down. He wasn't sure what else to add to that.

Raphael curled his lip in annoyance and he went back into his room. "Then go to Leo. I'm not the coddling type and you know that."

Donnie followed after Raphael, much to his brother's annoyance. "I tried." Donnie brought his hands up and cupped his face in fear; mostly this fear derived from the confusion all around him. "But it didn't help."

"What makes you think I can help you?" Raphael went over and picked up his punching bag from the floor, tossing it aside onto a large crate.

"I saw something." Donnie stopped moving and he stood in the middle of Raphael's room, trembling.

Raphael looked back at his brother and cocked his head, irritated. "Well, what was it?"

"I don't want to say." Donnie mumbled but blinked and tried to focus onto Raphael again. "...I saw you and Leo kiss." He said softly, wondering what expression Raphael wore now. Maybe he should have kept his glasses after all.

"When?"

"Did you kiss more than once?"

"I mean,..." Raphael huffed and he scowled, tightening his fists. _"He_ kissed _me."_

"But you...you kissed back. Why?" Donnie's voice cracked and he closed his eyes; it hurt to strain them anyway. "Why is this happening? everything's changing and...I'm scared."

Raphael rolled his eyes but in the pit of his heart he felt for Donnie. He was his brother after all.

"I can't tell you that I love you, Raphael, because I don't know how you will take it..."

"What's that suppose to mean?"

"I don't know. I'm just really...I'm freaking out!" Donnie moved his hands to cover his face now and took a step away from Raphael.

"Jesus, Don. It was just a kiss. I know it's fucking weird but...we'll what the hell do you want me to say?" Raphael snapped at him. "What am I suppose to be feeling because_ I_ don't know! You're the smart one, right? So what's suppose to happen!"

Donnie dropped to his knees, still covering his face as he cried into his hands.

Raphael was put off by his brother's reaction to the kiss that he shared with Leo. He stood still for a moment, processing it all. Then his body relaxed and he loosened his fists with a defeated sigh. "It'll never be the same as it once was."

"D-don't say that!" Donnie cried, lowering his hands. _"Don't_ say that!"

"It's true." Raphael said with a stern voice.

"No!" Donnie shouted. "I want everything back to the way they were before! I want my brothers back!"

"I'll never stop being your brother."

"You're not the same! None of you!"

"Donnie, calm the fuck down." He walked over and knelt down in front of him. "No one stays the same forever. Everyone changes—we all change all the time."

"Shut up." Donnie mumbled, shaking his head.

"Hey," He put a hand on Donnie's shoulder. "If we all stayed the same and never changed then we'd be acting like fuckin' idiots all the time. People grow up, Donnie."

"This isn't the same thing!" Donnie shouldered Raphael's hand off. "We don't belong together! It's wrong!"

"God damn it! It was a fucking kiss!"

"Leo's in his fucking room sucking Mikey's cock!" Donnie blurted in panic and anger.

"Lay off em', Donnie! You know how hard it is for—" Raphael gasped when he processed what Donnie had said and he quickly grabbed him by his shoulders and pulled them both up to their feet. He stared at him with wide eyes—in shock for the most part. "..." He had no words. It couldn't be true.

Donnie tried to push away but Raphael gripped tighter onto him. "Let go." Donnie whined.

Raphael slowly cocked his head, looking now more confused and upset than ever.

"R-Raph?..." Donnie sounded weak now but Raphael wasn't paying attention. Somehow, all he could see _was...red._


	20. Chapter 20

_"Raph, let him the fuck go!"_

_"Oh God...please stop..."_

Raphael's breathing was heavy and he felt strange...

_"Leo, I'm scared!"_

_"Let him go, Raph!"_

Raphael blinked his eyes into focus and saw Leo standing a couple yards away with Donnie holding him back; he looked pissed and ready to fight.

Donnie was a mess, looking like he had just been hit by a train. "Please, Raph...Please, stop." His voice sounded weak too. He seemed to be putting most of his energy into holding Leo off.

Raphael heard crying and he looked down to find Mikey in his arms. Mikey looked to be alright for the most part, just...scared.

He couldn't remember anything...what the hell happened?

* * *

**5 minutes earlier**

Mikey panted and pushed himself against Leo as he bucked on his lap. His insides burned but the contact against his prostate made up for any discomfort with a sharp pleasurable jolt.

Leo was grabbing onto Mikey's hips in a desperate need to gain control back and push into his brother faster and harder. Whenever he got carried away, Mikey raised his hips up slightly to cease the harshness and slowed things down again. The blindfold really didn't help Leo notice any of Mikey's discomfort so it became hard to determine how far he could go with him.

"Ah~! _ah...!"_ Mikey emanated pleasurable gasps with every bounce on Leo's lap.

"Oh wow, Mikey." Leo tilted his head back, enjoying the new pace Mikey was using.

Mikey definitely liked this a lot better than his first time. He felt like he had more control and they were doing it because they wanted to do it not because someone was forcing them.

_"Stop!"_

Mikey didn't hear the distant screams at first but Leo picked up on the sounds instantly and he tilted his head, listening as Mikey continued to ride him.

_"What are you doing! Stop it!"_

"Is that Donnie?" Leo muttered.

Mikey slowed down and sat still on Leo's lap to listen as well. He looked to the door, worried that they might get caught. This wasn't really a position he'd like to be found in.

The screams were getting closer and it forced Mikey to get off of Leo's lap. "Something's happening..."

Leo pulled off his blindfold and stared at the door. He got to his feet and awkwardly shifted his strips of clothing around to cover himself more. "Jesus, what the hell is going on?" He asked, trying to sound more irritated than worried.

_"Leo!"_

Hearing his name, Leo walked toward his door but before he reached it Donnie crashed against it, knocking it off its hinges completely.

Donnie's shell skidded with concrete. He whined, slowly lifting himself up on his hip. He knew he shouldn't have been getting in Raphael's way when Raphael was so pissed off but he didn't want any of this! He didn't expect Raphael to come barging down the tunnels looking like he was going to kill again.

Mikey gasped and moved over, kneeling beside Donnie. He studying over the dark bruises forming on his brother's skin. "Donnie, what happened!?" He was terrified and immediately assumed that those men were coming back to get them. Looking up toward the doorway, he was shocked to see Raphael standing there looking absolutely terrifying.

The next moments were a blur to Raphael but his brothers would never forget it.

There was no hesitation from Raphael. The first blow to Leo's jaw almost unset it and caused Leo to stagger back, holding his jaw in pain.

Mikey jumped to his feet and attempted to help by grabbing onto Leo's shoulder to steady him. "Raphael, what's wrong with-!" He gasped when his brother came charging at them and knocked against Leo, pushing him to the ground.

Raph's fists went flying but Leo dodged most of them. During a fit of rage, Raphael's punches were powerful and it was hard to predict his next move but Leo was a skilled ninja and used everything he was taught while dealing with this. He couldn't kill Raphael but if Raphael didn't lay off then his defensive moves were going to turn offensive real quick.

Donnie and Mikey helped out and tried pulling Raphael off of their big brother. It gave Leo the opportunity to shove his foot against Raphael's stomach and get out from under him.

Raphael turned around and shoved Donnie away then pulled Mikey into his arms as he backed up, seething. There was an animalistic look in his eyes as he knelt down in the corner with Mikey.

Leo wiped the blood on his face. "What the fuck is your problem!" He tried to storm back up to Raphael but Donnie held him back. "Raph, let him the fuck go!"

"Oh God...please stop..." Donnie whimpered.

"Leo, I'm scared!" Mikey was whining, trying to get out of Raphael's grip. He noticed Raphael's eyes were becoming more focused and the rage inside of him was subsiding. Whatever rage was fueling Raphael, it seemed to fade as he held closely onto Mikey.

"Let him go, Raph!"

"Please, Raph...Please, stop."

Leo pulled out of Donnie's grip and tightened his fists. "Where the hell do you come off barging in here and tearing shit up?! What's gotten into you!"

"Leo, please...It's my fault." Donnie admitted, looking down shamefully.

Leo looked back to Donnie, expecting an explanation.

"...I saw you and Mikey..." Donnie said quietly.

Leo tensed up and his eyes widened slightly in realization. He turned to look back at Raphael.

Raphael listened and he remembered the last thing Donnie had said to him before he blacked out. He scowled and met Leo's stare.

"I couldn't handle it so I told Raphael and he snapped." Donnie reached up and touched his busted lip; a consequence from the many attempts he made at trying to stop Raphael from coming here.

Leo was still angry and very disappointed in Rapahel but he calmed when that animalistic look in his brother's eyes had left. "So, what is this? Jealously? Are you really stooping this low?" He remarked, taking a threatening step closer.

Raphael turned his body, shielding Mikey from Leo. "How could you do that to him? He's our little brother!"

Leo narrowed his eyes. "I was comforting him. Remember what you said? You didn't know how to but _I_ do. And right now your screwing things up by getting possessive over shit you don't understand."

"Then fucking explain it to me! Because what _I_ see is _you_ taking advantage of Mikey so to get over your own goddamn problems! This isn't what he needs! We just fucking escaped this shit and now your bringing it back to us!" Raphael let go of Mikey and he got up to his feet, standing in front of him. "Why!? Why are you doing this! None of us fucking want to live in the past anymore Leo but you keep pushing us to feel something we don't understand!"

Leo didn't say anything but he kept the cold stare.

Mikey stood up and touched Raphael's shell. "Raph, it was my idea."

"Quiet." Raphael snapped back over his shoulder.

"It's true, Raph." Leo crossed his arms over his plastron. "I'm not trying to keep us in the past. I'm trying to help us move on. But do you even see what_ you're_ trying to do? You think you can save Mikey's innocence but that's fucking ridiculous!" Leo snapped. Then he sighed and dropped his arms. "Our innocence is long gone. We just need to accept that."

Donnie couldn't help but see Raphael as being hypocritical. Just moments ago Raphael was talking about how they were all growing up and changing. But he assumed that, when his brother had said this, he was talking about everyone BUT Mikey. Donnie would have laughed if this all wasn't so sad. So he kept his mouth shut and just watched from behind Leo.

Mikey tried to step around Raphael but Raphael growled and he turned to Mikey.

Mikey stopped and stared up at him. He hesitated then opened his mouth. "It was my idea...remember? You turned me down for this same idea." He looked away, embarrassed.

"I turned you down for a reason. We don't know what the hell we're all feeling. We just had our minds fucked with and this isn't any time to start jumping into things we don't goddamn understand!" He yelled through gritted teeth.

Mikey closed his eyes, keeping his head down.

Raphael looked back to Leo and opened his mouth to say something else but Leo cut in.

"What don't you understand?" He asked.

Raphael's mouth was left hanging open but the words all died before he could speak. He closed his mouth and shook his head, annoyed then growled lowly. "Feelings."

"For me?" Leo asked.

Raphael was quiet, glaring at him.

"For Mikey?" Leo added then nodded his head back toward Donnie. "For Don?"

Donnie's eyes widened slightly and he took a step back when he was included to the list.

"Do you not understand _why_ you love us?" Leo asked again then took a step closer. "Or do you not understand how much you're allowed to love us? Are you _in-_love with us?"

"Shut up." Raphael seethed. "Don't put words in my mouth."

"Don't put words you can't understand, you mean." Leo came closer until he was standing in front of Raphael. "Are you embarrassed to admit you love us? Or are you just afraid that we don't feel the same way?" He reached up and cupped Raphael's jaw but Raphael pulled his head back and took a step away.

"You're assuming that I have those feelings for you."

"I know you do. I knew it when we were trapped in that room—"

"—I was forced to do that!" Raphael shouted, angrily.

"Not that, Raph. I'm talking about when we almost lost you. When you pulled me close and kissed me. When you said you loved me. I knew what you meant, Raphael." He came close again and reached up once more to touch Raphael's cheek.

Raphael tensed and glared but didn't pull back this time.

"You don't have to be afraid of your feelings, Raphael. I love you."

"—Me too." Mikey piped up, holding onto Raphael's arm and nuzzling it as he stared up to Raphael with a soft smile. He hoped Leo's words were getting through to Raphael.

Raphael's eyes shifted down to Mikey then he looked across Leo, wanting to see how Donnie was dealing with all of this. But Donnie wasn't there anymore. He had left.

Raphael looked back to Leo, feeling a pang in his heart from the disappearance of Donnie but the love he was getting from both Leo and Mikey was...overwhelming.

...maybe he _was_ just jealous before. Maybe...he knew exactly what he wanted. He wanted to always be close to his brothers. He wanted to protect them...and he wanted to love them.

"...I...love you guys, too." Raphael mumbled then reached up and placed his hand against Leo's hip, pulling him closer while his other arm circled around Mikey's shoulders. His body felt hot all over from exposing his feelings like that but there was also a weight off of his shoulders. He loved his brothers and his brothers loved him...well, most of them did. He looked back toward the doorway, thinking of Donnie.


	21. Chapter 21

"I don't know about this." Raphael was sitting down with Mikey straddling his lap.

"Hey, you owe us." Leo smirked. "Coming in and interrupting us like that was a major cock-block, man."

Raphael looked up and watched Leo walk behind Mikey to caress their younger brother's cheek. "This all just-...it reminds me too much of—"

"It's different." Mikey quickly said, cutting off Raphael. "I _want_ this. Leo wants this."

"Do _you_ want this?" Leo asked. "I'm Serious, bro. I don't want you to get upset. You don't have to jump into this. I just thought it might help you move on and accept everything that's happened if you can get a good experience from it. All you have to go by right now is just what happened in that room..."

"All I can see is the pain in your guy's eyes." Raphael sighed. "I'm worried about Donnie." He admitted.

"Would you rather go and talk with him?"

Raphael rolled his eyes. "That wouldn't do anything. He hates me and he doesn't exactly like how you guys express your love for each other. I'm the last person he would want to see and there's no way he would listen to me about anything."

Leo knelt down beside Mikey and looked directly at Raphael. "I'm not asking you all to join us in that way. Sex is something that Mikey and I are comfortable with together. That doesn't mean you and Donnie have to do the same thing." He comforted. "We don't have to have sex to love each other."

"But you'll be missing out." Mikey muttered with a frisky tone.

Leo winked. "Yeah, well, hopefully you'll still let me kiss you. You're good at that."

Raphael tried not to smile too much but he smirked at the given flattery. He was then taken aback when Mikey leaned forward and pressed their lips together. Raphael pulled away but quickly stopped himself and pushed forward again to kiss back.

When they parted from the kiss, Mikey stayed a breath away from Raphael and looked at him with lustful eyes. "Leo's right...you _are_ a good kisser."

Raphael rubbed Mikey's thigh from the compliment and tilted his head, leaning in to continue their kiss.

Leo watched his brothers share an intimate moment then stood up and looked toward his bedroom doorway. He promised to protect and help all of his brothers and that definitely included Donnie. "I'll be back."

Raphael turned his head, breaking the kiss to watch Leo head to the doorway. "Where are you going?" He asked, leaning against the touch of Mikey's lips on his jawline.

"I'm going to go check up on Don." Leo said before he left them alone.

Raphael closed his eyes as Mikey kissed down to his neck, putting the rest of his attention into Mikey. He gave a sigh when Mikey began to give him a hickey. He never had a hickey before. "You're good at that...you been practicing on Leo?"

Mikey chuckled and pulled away to look up at his brother. "Don't sound so jealous. I haven't given Leo one yet but I want to make sure you all do." he winked.

"Good luck getting Donnie." Raphael smirked. "You're really enjoying all of this."

Mikey nodded. "I feel like this is right. It makes me happy and I don't feel so...alone. I already love you guys so it really didn't take much of a push for me to be _in_ love with you guys, too."

"It's not weird at all for you?"

"Not weird..." Mikey hesitated then frowned. "But I worry a lot."

"Why?"

"I was afraid you all wouldn't accept this. When you pushed me away—"

Raphael looked aside, feeling bad about it.

"—I felt like a freak."

"Mikey—"

"It's okay. Leo's been good at helping us all deal with our feelings. Two down, one more to go, right?" Mikey smiled again but Raphael rolled his eyes. "What's that for?" He questioned.

"Listen, I get your story and I get Leo's story. I can see why you two are into this stuff...And maybe I can see myself participating once in awhile." He cleared his throat, embarrassed. "But Donnie? No way. He'd never accept this. He may love you and Leo but he can't even say those words to me. And sex? Don't push your luck with that."

Mikey pouted. "Pity." He sighed then shrugged. "I use to fantasize about being with a girl and having a family."

Raphael thought that was a ridiculous fantasy considering their were mutants...and turtles.

"Then I realized that I already have a family."

"Does that make Leo your girl?" Raphael smirked.

Mikey churred and nuzzled Raphael's cheek. "My newest fantasy is us all sharing a bed together." He grinned and hugged Raphael's neck.

"We've shared a bed together when we were younger. I'm pretty sure it was because of you that we all got our own rooms. You couldn't keep still for one moment, not even in sleep." Raphael smiled fondly at the memory.

"Things haven't changed." Mikey grinned, touching noses with Raph. "I still find myself waking up in weird positions."

Raphael laughed and circled his arms around his little brother. "You're such a dweeb."

"_Well, he's locked himself up in his_ room."

Raphael and Mikey turned to see Leo re-enter his room, looking put off.

"He'll be in there all night." Mikey sighed.

Raphael scoffed. "Did you expect anything different?"

Leo came back over and knelt by Mikey, giving him a kiss. "I'll try again later. Right now let's just get back to where we left off." He turned to Raphael, questionably.

Raphael blushed. "Oh, uh, I'll just go watch TV or something. Give you guys some privacy."

"You sure you don't want to join?" Leo asked not trying to sound pushy or anything.

"Or watch at least?" Mikey begged.

Leo raised a brow-line. "Oh, you'll let _him_ watch but_ I_ get stuck with the blindfold?"

Mikey shrugged with innocence. "I heard blindfolding your lover helps enhance pleasure."

"Where did you hear that? Don't tell me you've been watching porn."

Mikey shook his head with a smirk. "Not from _watching._ Donnie would have found out a long time ago if I had been watching porn. But I've read some stuff here and there."

"Oh my god, you're such a horn dog." Leo laughed.

"You like it." Mikey leaned in for another kiss.

Raphael watched them kiss and his own lips parted with want. "I'll watch." He said, interrupting Mikey and Leo's kiss and looking a bit uncomfortable with his decision when they both turned to look at him.

"Really?" Mikey smiled.

Leo grinned and he quickly pulled Mikey off of Raphael's lap and back into his own lap, giving his brother a fervent kiss. He gave off a deep chur as Mikey wrapped his arms around his neck when he pulled back from the kiss. "Let's give him a good show." Leo said in a husky voice.


	22. Chapter 22

**Eight Years Earlier**

Wintertime in the sewers were tough. Most times when Splinter left his little turtles to go find food or blankets (anything to help them get by the bitter colds), the turtles were huddled together on their beat up old couch and they would tell weird stories to each other that would pass the time. On rarer occasions they would have to deal with uninvited guests; like homeless people that wandered down for a safe shelter from the blizzards.

It was the winter of 2007. The turtles were young and small...very small. They were just growing into their personalities; Mikey laughed more, Donnie questioned more, Leo spoke more, and Raphael shoved more. Neither of them have been trained as ninjas and all of them were still afraid of the dark—even if Raphael pretended not to be.

Mikey was in the middle of telling a story about sewer zombies when Raphael cut him off, "Dad better hurry." he shivered.

"Hey, I was about to get to the good part!" Mikey whined but Raphael reached over Leo between them and pushed his hand in the youngest brother's face.

"Raphie, you're squishing me! _Move!"_ Leo squirmed.

"Make me, Toilet-Breath!" Raphael was now laying his full body weight onto Leo, aggravating the situation.

Laughter bubbled up between Donnie and Mikey. "Toilet-Breath and Stinky-Toes are fighting again." Donnie giggled.

"And _your_ Poo-Brain!" Mikey laughed louder at Donnie's expense.

"Am not!" Donnie kicked his foot against Mikey.

Mikey stuck his tongue out but nearly bit it off when a loud shout came from one of the tunnels.

"Dad?" Leo asked, sitting up some more when they heard a fight breaking out.

"Th-that's not dad. What's going on?" Donnie whimpered and pushed himself closer up against Leo.

"It's more of those homeless freaks, I bet." Raphael said, hopping off the couch and nearly losing his balance while doing so. "They better not come any closer."

"Get back up here, Raph. Dad told us not to go anywhere while he's out." Leo reached out and grabbed onto the over-sized winter vest Raphael was sporting. He tried to tug his brother back but Raphael shouldered out of his grasp.

"I'm not going anywhere, _sheesh."_

"Can I get back to my story now?" Mikey whined then flinched as everyone else ducked down when they heard a gunshot. "What was that?!" Mikey screeched, moving in-between Donnie and Leo.

Shaking slightly, Raphael reached up to the cushion above and pulled himself back onto the couch.

"A gun." Donnie whispered. He reached beside him and picked up his glasses, putting them on. "But daddy says guns are bad."

"Leo, what do we do?" Mikey trembled, hugging onto his older brothers.

"We should hide." Raphael answered instead, looking toward the tunnel that the noises had come from—it was quiet now. He grabbed the blanket that they had previously bundled around themselves and he pulled it over his three brothers. He looked back toward the tunnel, hearing the footsteps of a stranger come closer through the darkness. "You guys stay under there."

Leo poked his head out from under the blanket. "What about you? We _all_ need to hide."

"I'll distract him."

"That's stupid." Leo scowled.

"You always think my ideas are stupid." Raphael growled.

"Because they are, doofus. You can't take on a guy with a gun. Dad told us—"

"I know what I'm doing, Leo. Just because you're older that doesn't mean you're the boss of us!" He shouted in a loud whisper then threw the blanket back over Leo's head.

He looked back to the tunnel and his heart jumped up in his throat when he saw an old man emerge from the darkness and stand at the entrance of the tunnel with wide eyes. Those wide frightened eyes were directed at no one else but Raphael and the man intentionally gripped the gun tighter in his left hand down by his side. "What the _hell_ are you?" The man choked out as he raised the gun up slowly.

Raphael gulped and he pulled on his fingers, scared. He slid off the couch and made a squeaky sound when he attempted to say something. Then he cleared his throat and tried to stand a little taller. He was only two feet tall at the time so he was hardly threatening when he tried to be. "G-go away. This is our home." He said in a shaky voice.

_"What_ are you?" The man cocked an eyebrow, surprised that this little...thing could talk.

Raphael glued his eyes to the gun that was pointed in his direction and he took a step back, his shell bumping against the couch. "M-my name's Raphael."

"You're not suppose to talk to strangers." Mikey whispered from under the blanket.

"Who's there!" The man shouted to the blanket, now pointing the gun at Raphael's brothers.

"N-no one!" Raphael scowled, taking a few steps closer to the man until the gun was back on him. "This is my home! Not yours!"

"He's so brave." Donnie whispered and Raphael stomped his foot.

"Shut up, he can hear you guys!" He shouted back up to the blanket.

The man walked over to the couch but as he pushed by Raphael, Raph grabbed the guy's leg to try and stop him. "Leave my brothers alone!"

Forcibly kicking Raphael off his leg, the man grabbed the blanket and jerked it off of the three tiny turtles huddled together. _"More_ of you freaks?"

"Our dad'll be here soon! You better leave!" Leo demanded, sitting in front of his two younger brothers and holding his arms out protectively.

Raphael sat up on the floor and watched Leo stand up to the guy. He didn't even seem afraid when the gun was pointed at him. Raphael huffed and stood back up onto his feet. He didn't need to wait for their dad, he could take care of them himself! He ran back at the man and grabbed his leg again, biting down hard.

This time the old man yelled out in pain, kicking Raphael off once more and—_Bang_!

His brothers gasped in shock. Raphael sat up and looked down at his leg where there was a bullet lodged in the skin and blood was trickling from the wound. He took in short breaths and grabbed his thigh. _"Ahhh!"_ He yelled out and tears fell down his face from the pain.

Mikey began to cry and covered his head to block out Raphael's screaming while Donnie jumped off of the couch and ran to Raphael in a panic.

"Raphie! No!" Leo shouted. But instead of running to his brother like Donnie, he jumped onto the man with the gun to make sure he wouldn't shoot any more of his brothers. He knocked the man off balance and the old guy fell back, hitting the floor hard. The gun flew from his hand and Leo scrambled off of him and grabbed it, holding it up to the guy.

He didn't mean to shoot...he just wanted to threaten him and keep him back. But he never held a gun before and it went off. He quickly dropped it, scared, and the old man gripped his neck and began to sputter blood from his mouth.

Leo's face contorted in fear and he backed up as the man was reaching out to him. He cried when the man finally died at his feet.

The next thing he knew, someone tall picked him up and held him close. He could smell the scent of their dad and he buried his face against his chest, crying. Donnie, who was sitting by Raphael scared and unsure of himself, was also scooped up and set back onto the couch where Mikey was bawling.

Then Splinter ran to Raphael to check on his wound.

It was the winter they would never forget. It was their first introduction to man since their mutation; their first villain, their first battle wound, their first kill. They still managed to grow up fairly well after that incident. They were young and they moved on from it quickly; Mikey even blocked that moment out all together.

But that moment in their lives, Splinter knew his sons would not be accepted into this world as normal; Leonardo knew what it felt like to take a life, Raphael knew the pain that humans could inflict upon them, and Donatello experienced his first crush...

* * *

The next day after Raphael was shot, he was sitting on the couch alone, watching cartoons on the old tv set. His leg was bandaged and propped up onto a trash bag that was stuffed with newspaper to help elevate it. It wasn't hurting right now but he was paying more attention to the cartoon than to his leg.

A box raised up from the edge of the couch and set onto the cushion beside Raph. It startled him at first but then he saw Donnie peeking up as he climbed onto the couch as well.

"What do you want?" He asked, annoyed then looked back to the box. "What's in the box?"

"It's a present."

Raphael looked at it skeptically. "A Christmas present?"

Donnie shook his head. "No. It's a _get well soon_ present."

Raphael grabbed the box and he opened it up, looking inside. He pulled out a trashy pair of sneakers. "Whoa, you actually find these?"

Donnie nodded. "Yeah. I was gonna keep them...but...I think they would look better on you." He smiled and took one of them. "I'll help you put them on."

"They're awesome."

"And red—your favorite color."

Raphael held his foot up and Donnie put the first shoe on. It was big for their feet but that was good considering that these shoes weren't designed for them at all. It was easier to put them on when they were too big.

"So cool." Raphael admired then leaned back against the couch and stared at the shoes as Donnie slipped on the other one.

When Donnie finished, he looked at his brother for a few moments before leaning in and kissing his cheek.

Raphael pulled aside and wiped his arm across his cheek. "Ew, Don. What was that for!?" He made a sick face as he wiped the cooties off.

"For saving us."

"The shoes are thank you enough. I don't want kisses."

Donnie sat back against the couch and huddled with Raphael, smiling as they watched TV together. "You were really brave."

Raphael's chest puffed a bit. "Yeah. That guy was a piece of shit."

"You swore."

Raphael looked to Donnie skeptically. "Uh, yeah...don't tell dad." He said then went back to watching the cartoon.

Donnie smiled again and he kissed Raphael's cheek once more.

Raphael sighed annoyed but just continued to watch the show.

After that, Donnie's affections for Raphael grew. A week went by and Donnie had another present for Raphael. "You're getting taller." Donnie complimented as he handed Raphael a pair of sunglasses he had found near the grate of a close by storm drain.

"I bet I'll be taller than all of you guys." Raph smirked and looked through the sunglasses.

"How's your leg?"

"It's fine now. Dad said we all have tough skin and that it'll get tougher as we grow up."

"That's great!"

That night, Donnie coddled up to Raphael as they slept...still, Mikey found a way to roll around and snug in-between them at night.

Donnie's heart swelled with every day passing...until Splinter found out.

* * *

**Present**

Donnie held himself on his bed, tears trickling down his cheeks. He couldn't remember much of his early on childhood but he remembered those feelings clear as rain. Raphael didn't keep many of his gifts; really the only reminder remaining was the pair of sunglasses he wore all the time now. Donnie wondered if Raphael even remember they were a gift from him all those years ago.

The day Splinter had taken him aside and questioned him was the day Donnie stopped day dreaming with his little brother about a happily ever after. He was just a small turtle and for his father to pull him aside and tell him that his feelings didn't mean anything...well, maybe that wasn't what his father had intended to sound like but it registered that way to Donnie regardless. Basically, he wasn't allowed to love Raphael more than just as a brother.

Splinter seemed to have kept a sharp eye on Donnie after that for a few weeks. Donnie could remember the feel of his father's eyes on him, judging him. He felt so ashamed in that part of his life. He knew his dad loved him and he knew that Master Splinter was doing what he considered best at the time...but did his father also know how broken Donnie felt afterward? How empty and hollow he became...

It was easier to move on once Donnie had accept the cold hard truth that he could not love his brother. But now, after everything they had just been through; the rape, Leo and Raphael's kiss, and Leo and Mikey's show of love...

Donnie gripped tightly onto his blankets and pulled them close, crying like the tiny little turtle whose heart was crushed all those years ago.

It's wrong! It's wrong!

It's _wrong..._

* * *

**I know I usually update faster but I have a good excuse for this slow update xD...My laptop died O_O I had to buy a brand new one! Then I had to wait for the information on my old laptop to be transferred to this new one!...ARGH! My finances! Well, I'm SOOO glad to have a working laptop again! I know it's been like...four days since I last updated lol But I hope you enjoyed this chapter :3 And don't worry! I haven't forgotten about the smut ;3 Soon, my lovelies...soon.  
**


	23. Chapter 23

Raphael had to get up and move to the door; to check if it was closed tightly and to see if the lock Leo had installed himself was turned. He couldn't let anyone else hear or see what was going on inside this room. He felt like a perverted kid locking himself up in his room about to watch porn...but he wasn't just about to click onto some random smut site to get off to. When he thought about what he was really doing here, it made him feel self-conscious. He didn't even want to say out loud what was going on because all of this was so socially unacceptable that he has never felt further from the human race than this moment. Right now he felt something more animal taking him over.

As he walked back to his brothers, tangled on the floor in a heated mess of passion, he couldn't look away—he didn't want to look away. And it wasn't just the sex that got Raphael going, it was the love that could be seen between the two. Leo was fond of caressing their younger brother. The churrs resounding from Mikey where constant; like a purr of spoiled cat. Mikey relaxed from Leo's touches, tensing only every so often when changing positions or when Leo wanted to be particularly evil against Mikey's prostate. But other than that, they seemed to be trying to make this moment last as long as they could. They wanted to get lost in each other and Raphael wondered if they even cared about ever finding their way back or if they'd be happy just holding each other like this forever.

Raphael didn't feel jealous, no. _Jealous_ wasn't exactly the right word he was feeling. He liked seeing his brother's enjoy themselves and he, by no means, wanted them to stop what they were doing. But he was envious. He wanted to join them but took a tentative step back when he thought about it. He was afraid of ruining what Mikey and Leo were creating. Something so perfect didn't deserve to be ruined prematurely.

So instead Raphael lingered back and continued to watch, waiting for a moment to happen where he could join.

Leo bucked his hips between Mikey's legs, nailing Mikey's prostate a few times before slowing to a different pace and raising up Mikey's left leg.

_"Oh, Leo._ How can you be so _good_ at this?" Mikey smiled, closing his eyes in bliss and rubbing Leo's shell with a tender touch.

"Hey, who knows, maybe I suck at this." Leo chuckled briefly during light kisses on Mikey's cheek. "You don't really have that many experiences to compare me with."

Mikey opened his eyes gently and exchanged a look with Raphael—his other experience.

Raphael looked away from Mikey's eyes, not wanting to further any thoughts about Mikey's first time.

Mikey nuzzled Leo when he felt his brother nipping at his shoulder but he eyes never left Raphael. "Do you want to touch us?" He asked.

Leo pulled back only enough to watch Raphael from the corner of his eyes. He kept the steady pace between Mikey's legs but the ministrations that his hands made against Mikey's hips had stopped. They were both eagerly waiting for Raphael's answer.

Raphael shook his head, rubbing the back of his neck. Then he rolled his shoulders in a shrug and sighed. "I don't want to get in the way."

At this, Leo sat up more and stopped his steady thrusting. He was a little breathless and his eyes were lusted over but that husky voice he used on Mikey had changed into the tone he reserved for serious talks. "What makes you think that you'll get in the way?"

Raphael cleared his throat. "You guys just seem to know what you're doing."

"_Mm_," Mikey bucked his hips a few times until Leo looked back down at him and began moving at a good pace inside of his brother once more.

"All we want is your touch, Raphael." Leo said, his voice softened to match the loving smile on his face as he watched Mikey slip into a pleasure induced state. "There's nothing you can do to screw this up."

Raphael swallowed and he crossed his arms over his plastron, hunching over with self doubt. "I could hurt you guys again."

He expected Leo to get angry with him for thinking that. Leo didn't often accept others putting themselves down like that.

But the smile stayed on his lips and his tone remained soft. He was quiet for a moment as he reached up and caressed Mikey's cheek. "You're not being forced to do anything here, Raph. We know you. We know you would never hurt us if you had the choice. You didn't have a choice back there and we understand that."

"Pull my tail, Raphie." Mikey mumbled, opening his bleary eyes to look over at his larger brother standing away from them. "I liked when you pulled my tail." He smiled.

Raphael remembered very clearly how much Mikey _liked_ that. How could he forget rubbing off his brother's cum from his stomach?

They seemed to go back into their own little world after that so, for a moment, Raphael just continued to watch them. There was a mumbled exchange of words and then Leo laughed quietly and rested his forehead against Mikey's, looking so peaceful. It was a look that Raphael didn't think any of them would ever see again after what happened.

Raphael took this chance to walk over and slowly kneel down beside them. He was hesitant at first but he reached out and he grabbed Mikey's tail.

Mikey gasped and raised his leg a little higher than Leo had positioned it.

Raphael let go fast and retracted his hand, worried.

Leo looked over his shoulder, looking at Raphael, never stopping his thrusts inside of Mikey. "Do it again. He likes it." He smiled.

"I thought I hurt him."

"You gotta let me pull your tail sometime, Raphie." Mikey said with a bubbly voice. "It feels amazing."

Raphael reached forward and grabbed Mikey's tail again, getting the same response as the last time from his little brother.

"I like the way you grab it." Mikey grinned, hugging onto Leo tighter. "Now tug on it, Raph."

Raphael tugged on it just like Mikey told him to. Normally he didn't like anyone telling him what to do but this was a special circumstance. Gaining more confidence, Raphael pinched and stroked the appendage then brought up his free hand and grabbed onto Leo's tail as well.

Leo's hips jerked at the unexpected grabbed and he let out a surprised moan. "Oh yeah...wow, that's damn sensitive."

Raphael had a nice view of Leo's penetration of their little brother and he took full advantage of it with his eyes as he continued manhandling the tails in his grip. He noticed that at a slow stroking pace with a tight fist Leo would also slow down and back up into Raphael's hand while Mikey's moaning was low and sensual—but at a quick pace with a twisted hand gesutre, Leo sped up and slammed into Mikey's prostate more and Mikey's moaning turned into fevered whines and panted breath. He kind of felt like he was the one operating the two and he liked being the one that set the pace...he also liked it when they went fast.

So he twisted and pinched and stroked their tails quickly until finally,

"_Oh god_!" Leo slammed into Mikey and stayed buried to the hilt, pushing his release deep inside of the youngest. His body trembled and quaked from the orgasm.

Mikey pulled Leo down so to lock lips during the moment and he bucked his hips, feeling himself get filled with his older brother's cum. He liked it...even before when Raphael had filled him he had liked it but he still didn't like admitting that—not even to himself; probably because it was rape for everyone involved and it didn't feel right to admit that he liked it.

Raphael slowly removed his hand from their tails as Leo pulled out of Mikey and sat back.

Leo was still panting out of breath but calming down quick enough. He blinked into focus and saw Mikey lying on his shell in front of him still erect and still unsatisfied. "Let me—"

"I'll do it." Raphael spoke up.

Mikey squirmed with eager happiness. Leo looked like a lot of energy had been drained from him during the orgasm but the energy behind Raphael's eyes kept the fire inside of Mikey burning. This was one of the biggest advantages of a threesome, Mikey thought, easier for everyone to get satisfied. "Well, come on, Raphie. Don't make me wait." He reached out his hand to Raphael and Leo moved out of the way, sitting up against the wall for his turn to watch.

Raphael smirked and he grabbed Mikey's hand, pulling him to sit up. "I've got an idea."


	24. Chapter 24

Mikey crossed his arms onto Raphael's chest and rested his chin against them, smiling up at him. "What's your idea?" He asked, as Raphael was rocking back on his shell. He got comfortable between Raphael's legs and felt his erection rub against his brother's cloaca pleasurably. "Hurry up and tell me. It kinda hurts to sport a boner forever, ya know." He feigned a complaint.

Raphael's mind was rushing with thoughts like a breaking dam. He didn't hear any of the words coming out of Mikey.

"So what is it?" Mikey asked, cocking his head curiously after a moment of weird silence. "You ain't gonna make me pee on you, are you?" He joked.

"Hm?" Raphael came from his thoughts, looking over Mikey's amused expression.

"That's gross, Mike." Leo muttered from his spot against the wall but also looked amused—peacefully amused.

"It's your turn." Raphael answered, raising his knees up and looking at Mikey expectantly.

Mikey pushed himself up slightly with his hands against Raph's plastron, still looking confused. "To—?"

"You _know_ what I'm talking about." Raphael blushed annoyed.

Leo's eyes narrowed slightly just as curious as Mikey.

They didn't follow? Raphael huffed and he rolled his eyes, looking aside. "I'm letting you fuck me, dumbass."

Suddenly overwhelmed with a feeling of uncertainty, Mikey clamped his mouth shut and looked down at his erection rubbing against Raph's cloaca. _"Now?"_ He asked, dumbly.

"Look, if it's a stupid idea—"

"No!" Mikey pushed against Raphael's chest when Raphael seemed to be moving to get back up. "I just never thought any of you guys would let me top, that's all. I'm surprised." He smiled.

"Hey, he's not speaking for all of us." Leo said, giving off a lazy smirk.

"What are you saying? That I wouldn't satisfy you?" Mikey acted offended...and probably _was_ just a little.

"I just don't see you topping me, that's all."

"Why, cause you're our big brother?" It was Mikey's turn to roll his eyes now. "Cliche'."

"Well, no, I mean, I'd let Raph top me." Leo admitted.

"But not me?"

"Yeah, well, you're too...well,..." Leo struggled with the word.

"Childish." Raphael finished for him.

It wasn't exactly the word Leo was looking for but it was a close second to whatever he had in mind. "If someone's going to top me, they better have some fight in them because I won't make it easy." Leo smirked again.

Mikey stuck out his tongue at Leo but Raphael turned Mikey to look back at him and he pulled his tongue back in.

"You can top me whenever. I don't mind." Raphael said, shifting around uncomfortably under Mikey. Why wasn't Mikey penetrating him already? Did he not want to?

Mikey made a glance with Leo like they were having a conversation with their eyes and Raphael felt his face get even hotter, feeling like the butt of a bad joke.

"What?" Raph muttered, not liking the awkward silence blanketing them all.

Mikey looked like he was trying to play it cool and sound light about it but the words were still serious. "You're not just doing this because you feel guilty right? Cuz I don't want you to feel bad about what happened and think you have to do this."

Raphael did not make eye contact but he scowled and he shoved Mikey back, sitting up. "Jeez, if you don't want to then fine." He always had to turn up the toughness; guess being vulnerable once in awhile was out of the question.

"Hey, wait a minute." Mikey rubbed Raph's plastron gently then pushed against him, coaxing him to lay back again. "Don't get like that."

"I'm not doing it if you're going to make it weird." He growled.

"No, I want to."

Raphael shook his head, staring to the left. The serious tone in Mikey's voice was strange to hear but he sighed and laid back down again.

"I've never seen you look so red before." The serious tone died before it had a chance to really live and the playfulness that was Mikey had come through once more. "I'll go nice and easy on you, okay."

"I'm not a fucking pussy. I can take it."

"Well, that's exactly what pussies do, right? Take it?" He smirked.

A hum of a laugh came from Leo and Raphael groaned.

Mikey kissed Raphael's cheek and nuzzled him. Slowly, he began to nudge against Raphael's opening and push inside, making that hypnotic churring noise that Raphael loved so much...Then a much lower churr joined in and, at first, Raphael thought it might have been Leo but then he realized that it was coming from him.

"Faster."

"Hang on." Mikey was use to the slow and steady pace of Leo and that's what he tried to incorporate into his push with Raphael.

Raphael's hips moved with impatience. The tight feeling inside of him was hard to ignore and hard to get use to. Good. He didn't want to get use to it. Honestly, if Mikey could just fuck him senseless the way he had fucked Mikey their first time, that would be great; just what he deserved. "Faster." he moved his hips some more and Mikey moaned.

"Kay..." Mikey began to push in faster.

"Come on, Mike, harder than that."

"I'm trying...you're tight." Mikey groaned, squeezing his eyes shut.

"Relax, Raph. It'll be easier on Mikey to give you what you want if you loosen up." Leo advised.

Raphael couldn't loosen up; he didn't want to! He couldn't-!

Raphael froze up when he felt his shell lift up slightly off the floor and he looked over his shoulder to see Leo moving in behind him and raising him up. "What are you doing?"

"Helping." Leo replied with a soft smile. He rested Raphael back into his lap; much like a pregnant wife would be held by her husband from behind in a lamaze class. Yup, this didn't feel emasculating at all. "Relax and let your little brother fuck you."

Raphael blushed hard again and leaned back against Leo. He looked back at Mikey who seemed to be upset and stopped moving. "What?" He asked, still feeling annoyed that Leo felt like he had to come over and coddle him during sex.

"I'm...I'm not very good at this." That sad smile was back. Rapahel was hoping that Mikey's sad smile wouldn't ever show up again but here it was because of him. "Maybe you should top." The corner of his smile slipped and his eyes dropped as if he were disappointed in himself for not being able to give Raph what he wanted.

But what Raphael wanted was something he shouldn't even be asking from his brothers; especially not Mikey.

Raphael inhaled deeply through his nose then exhaled and he winced as he loosened up and pulled Mikey closer. "I want you." He said, hugging his thighs against Mikey's hips. He felt Leo rest his chin down against the top of his head.

"It's his first time after what happened in that room, Mikey. And his first time being bottom. He's not mad, he's just-"

_Scared._ "—don't you dare fucking say it." Raphael murmured then felt Leo lift his chin up from his head. The unmistakable feel of Leo's lips against the top of his head relaxed Raphael enough to look Mikey in his eyes and admit what wasn't being said. "I'm not scared." He began. "But I'm not okay, either." His voice was roughed up to try to help with this vulnerable moment he was having. "And I don't like how many times I've had to admit that already so just...can't we pretend I'm okay until I actually _am_ better?"

Mikey was still inside of him which made Raphael feel ten times more awkward.

"But you don't have to pretend with us." Mikey said, leaning forward and resting his hands against Raphael's shoulders as he leaned in. "We're all feeling the same thing, Raph. You're not the only one who's scared."

"I said I'm _not_ scared."

Mikey ignored that and continued. "The best part about being brothers is that we've got each others backs through the good times and the bad times."

Raphael closed his eyes as Mikey leaned in the rest of the way and stole a soft kiss. When Mikey pulled back expectantly, Raphael sighed. "Alright...I get it." he reached up and caressed Mikey's hips which, in turn, helped Mikey start to move inside of him again. "Now cut the sentimental shit and go back to wise crackin'. I don't think I can handle being around two Leonardos at the same time."

Mikey grinned and he hugged Raphael's neck. "You can be sexy when you're all sensitive like this, Raphie-boy." He giggled. "It's a side you wont let us see very often, tough-guy." He found it easier to move inside of Raphael who was relaxing a lot more now and beginning to churr again. "Do you still want me to go faster?" he asked.

"In a minute." Raphael leaned back against Leo more and he pulled Mikey closer against him, closing his eyes. "It's still kinda hurts." But he's not going to admit that Leo's comforting and Mikey's understanding were a tremendous help.

"Hm.." Mikey bit his bottom lip and he pushed one hand against Raphael's knee, spreading his legs wider, and turned his hips to try another angle. He went a little left then he moved up some and—

_"Uhh,..."_ Raphael moaned in pleasure and raised his head up, tucking his face under Leo's chin.

"Found it." Mikey smirked.

* * *

**Oh, Raphie! Stop hiding your big soft teddy-bear side! We all know you have one ;3**


	25. Chapter 25

"_Ah~!_ Yes! _Yes!_ Fuck me, you sonofabitch!"

Encouraged by Raphael's colorful and violent language, Mikey pounded into his brother hard and fast, striking that bundled set of nerves every time. His legs felt numb—in fact, his whole body felt numb. It almost seemed like everything he was feeling was concentrated into one spot; and that spot shoved itself rapidly against the wall of Raphael's prostate.

It was amazing how quickly Raphael had become unhinged from the constant poundings his little brother gave him. At first, Raphael just nuzzled the underside of Leo's chin. He would then begin to sweat and tears would form in the corners of his eyes as his body would jerk. Finally, after a full minute of Mikey hitting his prostate, he could no longer hold his peace and he became violently vocal.

"God damn, Michelangelo, God _Damn!_ "

Leo, who still sat behind him, had his arms wrapped around Raphael and was sensually rubbing his hands up and down Raph's plastron, mapping his hotheaded brother's sensitivities. A scar running against Raphael's abdomen was especially sensitive and, if Leo was detecting Raphael's reactions correctly, possibly even ticklish.

Mikey's dirty mouth did not disappoint in getting Raphael hot and bothered as well. "God, I love the feeling of your cock rubbing against my stomach." He grinned, reaching in-between them to give the said cock a stroke of appreciation.

Raphael made a whine that promptly encouraged Leo to come out of his cloaca. Leo winced in both pleasure and pain as his erection as now pinned between himself and Raphael's shell. "Damn it. Get up."

Raphael grunted and pushed harder back against Leo but he felt himself being gently pushed off of Leo's lap and shifted forward into a sitting position on Mikey's lap.

"You can't make noises like that, Raphael, and expect no repercussions." Leo's husky voice was back and both Mikey and Raphael felt a shiver of approval run through them.

Raphael was too lost in pleasure to interpret Leo's words at the moment but he really didn't care what his brother's said or what position he was put in as long as Mikey was still hitting his prostate like this.

"Mikey, pull out for a moment."

"A moment's a lifetime, Leo." Mikey growled, appalled by the demand.

"This will be worth the wait."

Mikey gripped tighter onto Raphael then shut his eyes and pulled out quick like he was taking off a band-aid.

_"Fuck~"_ Raphael whined again when the hot flashes caused by Mikey's thrusts had ceased.

Mikey couldn't suppress the sudden scowl on his face. He was definitely annoyed that he had to pull out of Raphael's heat.

_"Why?"_ Raphael gritted his teeth and tensed up as he felt Leo push him forward more.

Mikey leaned back to look around Raphael at Leo behind him. "What are you doing?"

"We're going at the same time." Leo said simply, stroking his erection and getting up on his knees behind Raphael. He didn't waste any time as he pushed himself into Raphael who moaned as he was filled once again.

Mikey watched as Leo grabbed Raphael's hips and guided them both to where they positioned just above Mikey's leaking erection. "Same time?" Mikey asked, stunned.

Leo nodded and leaned forward, lowering Raphael's hips in the process.

Raphael spread his legs more as he lowered down and tilted back his head, nuzzling Leo.

"Can you take it?" Leo asked, smiling at the nuzzle.

Raphael opened his mouth to say something but Mikey was already beginning to push inside of him alongside of Leo's cock. He stretched him out painfully, ceasing any words from forming pass his tongue.

Leo massaged Raphael's sides and kept still as Mikey was making his way back deep inside of Raphael.

"Damn, can we fit?" Mikey asked, still pushing inside. He loved being inside of Raphael and was glad to know that at least one of his brothers were kind enough to switch top and bottom positions. They both had their perks but definitely seeing Raphael turn into a panting, whining, sex creature was something that topped the list.

"Can you take it?" Leo asked again in a whisper this time. His lips brushed against his brother's cheek.

Raphael nodded slowly but made no other movements as he tried to handle the two pulsating cocks spreading him out wider. A tear slipped from his eye but Leo didn't take that as a bad sign; the nod was all he needed to continue.

Once they were both sheathed, it took a couple of tries for the two to fall into a rhythm inside of Raphael; but oldest brother and youngest brother worked well as a team. Leo lead the pace strongly and Mikey seemed to have a psychic sense where Raphael's prostate could be found with every thrust—of course it wasn't a hard thing to miss with two cocks going at it.

For the first thirty seconds, Raphael was silently screaming. The jerking of his body did most of the talking but when his vocal cords finally loosened and he began to let out pleasurable hiccups, a long and very loud series of moans came forth, picking up pace along with his brothers.

With Raphael's head thrown back and tucked against Leo's neck, Mikey was able to lean forward and kiss Raphael's collarbone, ultimately gaining his attention back. It had encouraged Raphael to look forward again with a zombie-eyed stare and Mikey greedily began to kiss Raph, sucking on his bottom lip just the way he'd seen a man kiss a woman in a movie he had once seen.

Mikey broke away from the kiss to announce that he was close to ejaculation but Raphael beat him to it.

_"God!"_ Raphael barked out loud and jerked. His body spasmed and his cock shot out a hot white stream onto Mikey's plastron; much like Mikey had done previously back in the room to Raphael.

Raphael tensed up wonderfully and Leo sped up his thrusts, still keeping control.

Mikey's eyes rolled back. With the tightness of Raphael's inner walls and the intense speed of Leo's cock rubbing alongside his, Mikey had no time to give fair warning. He bucked his hips up, shooting his load inside of Raphael. His sperm leaked out and back down his cock, having no room to fill inside.

Leo was last to cum but he had pulled out and finished himself off with his hand, perversely getting his cum onto Raphael's shell.

Raphael was like a rock hanging on a thread; his knees were going to give out at any second and he was going to collapse. The only thing really keeping him up was the inner promise to not crush his baby brother by landing on him.

Mikey pulled out and he moved into a sitting position out from under Raphael.

Once out of the way, Raphael collapsed with his head landing in Mikey's lap. His whole body burned like it would after an intense work out and his teeth chattered from the rush of endorphins still coursing through him.

Leo was the quietest of the three but he was smiling and still looked at peace. He tucked himself away first and he rubbed Raphael's shell just above the mess he had made. "When you calm down, we'll clean up."

"Or just lay here." Mikey shrugged, petting Raphael's head. "Look at him. There's no way he's getting up for awhile." He chuckled, raising up Raph's hand off of his lap then dropping the limp appendage again. "He's spent."

Leo nodded and he move around Raphael, laying by his side and sharing Mikey's lap with him.

Raphael's eyes were slits as he stared at Leo. He heavily blinked then smiled a little. "That was weird..."

Leo smiled a little as well. "But?" He asked.

"—I liked it." Raphael closed his eyes. "You should let Mikey top you sometime, Leo. I think he bruised my fucking prostate with how hard hit kept pounding on it."

Leo chuckled. "Maybe...you want to sleep on Mikey's mattress?"

"Maybe later...I can't get up right now."

"I told you, he's spent." Mikey continued to pet Raphael's head.

Leo reached up and rubbing his hand up and down Raphael's arm, coaxing his brother into a deep sleep. Raphael needed to sleep and Leo was pretty sure that Raphael either hadn't sleep at all or hadn't slept very well in awhile now. But after his brother slept, he really wanted to clean him up. How long was Raphael going to just walk around with dry blood still caking the cracks of his shell and splattered on his plastron...?

"Dream about me, okay?" Mikey grinned lazily. "We can be on the beach or some shit." He encouraged.

But Raphael had already slipped into a sleep. It wasn't a dreamless sleep but he didn't dream of running on the beach with Mikey. Instead, he had a more realistic setting; the sewers. More particularly, Mikey's room on Mikey's big ratty mattress. All of his brothers were there with him, pulling blankets over themselves as they snuggled close. No one kissed or fucked but that didn't mean Raphael wouldn't have liked a dream like that as well. They just laid together and hugged. He could hear Mikey laugh and see Leo's smile and...Donnie was the only one who was hard to make out but he had a feeling that he was still there with them.

And a large triple cheese pizza handed around between the four; oh yes, the icing on the dream.

"He's smiling." Leo murmured, watching Raphael sleep.

"Sweet." Mikey closed his eyes now, still petting Raphael.


	26. Chapter 26

Mikey's lap was tingling with needles and pinpricks. He had been sitting there on the floor with Raph's massive head on his lap for a long time; a few hours at least. He enjoyed being able to freely touch Raphael gently like a lover; caressing his sleeping face; but he wasn't really the 'sitting still' type of turtle so this all was a huge challenge to him. It was almost like meditating.

Leo had left shortly after Raphael had fallen asleep.

"_I'm going to go see Master Splinter."_

_"Dude, you're not tattling on us, are you_?" Mikey was more relaxed at the time of Leo's leaving and still had that playful bite in his tone like usual.

"_I'm just going to talk with him about some things. Not anything like this_."

Mikey had only nodded after that and asked for Leo to bring back some pizza.

So an hour or so later, when he heard the door open behind him, he thought it was Leo and his pizza.

"Took you long enough." Mikey said, sitting up a little more and then looking over his shoulder to see Donnie occupying the space in the doorway. "Donnie?" He was surprised. He didn't expect Donnie out of his room for the whole night. He also didn't think Donnie would come back into Leo's room after what transpired earlier. "Hey, man." He said uncomfortably.

Donnie still looked upset; solemn and distant. "Is Raphael alright?"

Mikey was suddenly sore with Donnie for not chiming in when Raphael asked him if he should stay and Donnie said nothing. He didn't like Donnie asking about Raphael because inside he felt that Donnie didn't really care about their hotheaded brother. So he shrugged, figuring that Donnie still didn't care, and he looked back at Raphael, continuing to pet his head.

"I'm surprised he can sleep so deeply." Donnie continued and walked into the room, rubbing his arm.

"Leo tried to talk to you earlier..." Mikey said, changing the subject.

"Do you know where Leo is now?"

Mikey shrugged again.

Donnie hesitated then tilted his head to look at Mikey. "It's weird that you're not talking a lot. Are you afraid to tell me something?" He asked before moving away, no longer looking at them but instead looking around Leo's room like he had never been in here before.

"Afraid to tell you what? You already know what happened. You didn't want to be apart of it so you left. Now what are you doing back?" Mikey's mood was soured and clipped with sarcasm. "Did you change your mind?"

"Stop talking to me like that." Donnie bit back, scowling now.

"Like what?"

"Like you're not doing anything wrong."

"I'm not!" Mikey yelled.

Raphael jerked in Mikey's lap from the shout and he pushed himself up off of Mikey's lap, rubbing his face and muttering profanity.

Mikey felt relief. His lap was finally free and he stretched out his legs, rubbing the soreness. "Sorry." He muttered to Raphael.

Raphael blinked into a clearer vision and felt a presence behind him. He looked from Mikey and turned to stare over his shoulder at Donnie. Why did it feel like he was looking up at a disappointed parental figure? Oh God. If Donnie was in one of his superior moods, Raphael was going to vomit. "What's going on?" He asked, standing up to his feet so to use his build and height to his advantage while talking to Donnie. His ass was sore and he hunched at first but then took a deep breath and stood to full height, narrowing his eyes down at Don. He was never really in a good mood after waking up but, when Donnie's expression softened from a criticizing parent to a lost child, Raphael loosened his fists and waited more patiently for Donnie to continue his explanation.

"You guys always called me the smart one."

Mikey rolled his eyes intensely. "What the heck does that have anything to do with this?"

Donnie and Raphael kept their eyes locked. Donnie blushed and Raphael kept waiting for the rest of his explanation.

"You've always listened to me when I said something is wrong."

Mikey opened his mouth but stopped after the first syllable when Raphael raised his hand out to him in a gesture of silence. Mikey closed his mouth and crossed his arms, hardly paying attention but too nosy to block them out entirely.

_"This_ is wrong...what you guys are doing...or did. It isn't right."

"Why?" Raphael asked so that Donnie could explain himself. He thought that maybe if Don explained himself, he could see how crazy he was sounding. He didn't think that Donnie would convince him otherwise.

"You guys can't see it because you don't want to. But you know how observant I can be so believe me when I say that I know what I'm talking about. Mikey," He turned to Mikey now and grabbed both of their attention.

Mikey looked up with a sour child's expression. He didn't like this stupid talk.

"You—"

"Hold on." Mikey snipped and stood up off of the floor as well, wobbling a bit from the pins and needles in his lap. "Let me tell you something first. What we're doing is NOT wrong. We fucking love each other." He defended. "We've always loved each other! The only thing wrong about all of this is that _you're_ not accepting it. Don't you love us, too?"

Donnie looked like he might cry but no tears came. It still pulled on Raphael's heart as if they had come. Raphael was always a sucker to any of his brother's crying. "Just let him talk, Mikey." He muttered, still expecting the same result of Donnie finally realizing how crazy he sounds.

Donnie took a step back and held his hands nervously in front of him, looking down at them. "Mikey, we all know you've never stopped dreaming of having a normal life. What you said to me back in that room, talking about always being alone and having no happiness, that's all changed now, right? You don't feel alone anymore and you're happy."

"Yeah, point one for us then, right? Because I _am_ happy and I _don't_ feel alone." Mikey crossed his arms over his chest.

Donnie shook his head then seemed to do a complete 180 in the conversation. "How much do you know about us?" He asked, straightening up again.

Mikey was dumbfounded at first. "Um, everything, duh. We've been brothers forever."

"Then why are you ignoring who we are?"

Mikey exchanged a dumb look with Raphael, confused. _"Whaa?"_

"What do you think about Leo? What kind of guy is he?"

"He's our oldest brother and he's, um, our leader."

Donnie still looked expectant, like he hadn't gotten the right answer yet.

"He likes mushrooms on his pizza and sleeps on the floor like an idiot." Mikey huffed. "He's bossy and, um, he's always there for us and helps us and—"

_"Always."_ Donnie repeated and Mikey stopped, figuring he had given out the right answer. "He's always there for us...He does everything he can to help us. And what about Raphael?"

With Raphael standing right there, Mikey blushed a bit. It was weird talking about him like he wasn't standing right there. "He's, um, big and, uh, his favorite pizza topping is sausage and he fights with Leo a lot and thinks he's freakin' batman but really he's just a big softie—"

Raphael rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.

"And he gets annoyed easily." Mikey finished, smirking a bit from Raphael's reaction. He fucking knew his brothers. These were facts. "I don't know where you're going with this."

"So you know that Leo would do anything for us..."

"He would."

"Even make your dreams come true?" Donnie asked in a quiet voice.

"Yes." Mikey said stubbornly then exchanged another look with Raphael before dropping back into a confused expression. "What do you mean? Their not just _my _dreams. Their _our_ dreams." He scowled again.

Donnie looked aside and a tear finally fell down his face. "Leo would do anything for us..." He wiped the tear away and he backed up. "Even make your dream come true." He repeated. "This _is_ your dream, isn't it, Mikey? You don't want to be alone...you want to feel love." He turned to Raphael. "And what's your dream, Raphael?"

Raphael didn't like where this was going. Donnie wasn't exactly making sense but he was opening doors that they wanted to be closed.

"You want us to forgive you, right? You want us to know that you love us even if it's hard for you to say that." Donnie shook his head. "I know you, Raph. We all know you and we all love you. I...I love you." He hugged himself as he spoke. "That's how you got dragged into this, isn't it. Did they tell you that they love you? Did they say they forgave you? And seeing them live out Mikey's dream encouraged you to show your love like that as well, huh."

"They didn't force me to do anything." Raphael growled.

"I didn't say they did. This isn't about anyone forcing you to do anything. It's about how hurt you guys are and how you guys are handling your pain. But it's not right. This isn't how we should move on. It's going to tear us apart in the long run."

"You don't know what your talking about. We're closer now than we've ever been."

"You can't just jump from being brothers to being lovers in a split moment and expect that to be completely normal!" Donnie shouted now. "It's just an illusion! We were forced to have fucking sex with each other! And look at us. We're free from that room but we're still carrying our scars. You're still having sex and you think it's just how things are suppose to be now!"

"This is different than what happened to us back there!" Mikey argued.

"This isn't how normal people move on from things like that!" Donnie retorted.

"We're _not_ normal!" Mikey point out.

Raphael glared down at the floor. His stomach was rolling over constantly at Donnie's words. Donnie was making him sound like a puppet to his brother's emotions. He wasn't a puppet. He didn't have sex with Leo and Mikey because they showed him love and forgave him. It had to be deeper than that—could it be deeper than that? "Stop playing your mind games." Raphael said in a rough whisper. He didn't like questioning himself or his actions. Leo didn't do this just because it was what Mikey wanted and he didn't do this just because he was being forgiven. Leo did this because...Mikey did this because...

Raphael did this _because..._

"You guys are still just as confused as ever..." Donnie sighed then looked back to Mikey. "You've completely blocked out every thing else that's been going on. Leo hasn't. He tries to fix everything, remember. Do you know where he is now?"

"Do you?" Mikey accused.

"I saw him leave. There's only one place he's headed."

"To find Splinter." Mikey crossed his arms again. Leo told him this before he left.

"To check up on April." Donnie corrected.

Mikey stood stiff and his eyes became distant as if trying to hide inside of himself and block out what Donnie had just said.

Raphael, on the other hand, looked down in sadness. "...How is April...?"

"Critical..." Donnie kept his eyes on Mikey, however. "And Mikey hasn't talked about her since we left that place. He asked once about her when Leo came back but that was it. Do you think she's okay, Mikey?" He asked his little brother who still just stared ahead, pretending not to listen. "She's not. You're scared, Mikey. Everything changed for us back in that room and this is how you guys are coping with it but it's damaging us all and you can't even see that."

Mikey blinked some tears back and he took a step away, going behind Raphael a bit to hide from Donnie's logic. "I want Leo." He said with a stuffy voice.

Raphael shook his head, still trying to make sense of what he was feeling. "We're trying to build bonds together. To fix what was broken in that room. To make things better between all of us." He began. "And maybe this _is_ the best way to do it after what happened in that room, have you thought of that? You keep saying it's wrong but you're not telling us what's _right."_

Donnie looked away. "I-I don't know. I only know that it's wrong."

"Then you're not very helpful right now. If we're not suppose to stay together then what _are_ we suppose to do? Lock ourselves up in our rooms and cry all night?"

Donnie couldn't look at Raphael. "Splinter says it's wrong..."

Raphael and Mikey both stared wide-eyed and shocked at Donnie.

Raphael couldn't be careful with his next choice of words so Mikey stepped forward again and said them. "...You told Splinter?"

Donnie gently looked up past Mikey, connecting his eyes with Raphael instead. _"_...No,.._.he_ told _me."_

* * *

**Okay, so Donnie's saying that Leo's only doing this to fix them and Raphael's only doing this to feel accepted and Mikey's only doing this because he wants to have a relationship like the humans lol But Mikey disagrees and Raphael is pretty sure he disagrees to but now he's confused...Do you think Donnie is telling the truth or is Donnie just so traumatized by what happened and what happened in his past that he just refuses to see the possibilities that they can be together without feeling forced? lol**


	27. Chapter 27

Raphael shook his head and backed up, bumping against Mikey by accident. "He saw _us—shit!_ He knows about us!"

"No." Donnie said quickly, trying to calm the storm building in Raphael's eyes. "He told me...a long time ago."

Raphael was breathing heavily and Mikey rubbed Raphael's shell for comfort. He felt a stickiness and looked to see that he had rubbed his hand against some of Leo's cum. _Ew!_ He quickly rubbed it off against Raphael's arm, trying to look innocent about it. "A long time ago? When?" Mikey asked.

Donnie cast his eyes aside. "When we were young, he told us that it was wrong to love each other. That kisses and things like that were forbidden."

"I don't remember that." Mikey argued. "And that would be weird for him to tell us that. None of us were romantically involved when we were younger."

Donnie exchanged and unexpected glance with Raphael; a glance that mirrored his own. It was almost as if...

"—so why would Splinter—"

"Shut up, Mikey." Raphael mumbled, still looking at Donnie with more understanding than Donnie wanted.

"But—"

"—I'm going to go talk with Donnie for a second." Raphael said but it almost sounded like he was in a trance and Mikey didn't like this.

"Alone? Why? What are you guys going to talk about?"

Raphael scowled back at Mikey. "It's private...We'll talk later just go watch TV or something."

Mikey sighed and looked between his two brothers; Raphael looked upset but that was really only because Mikey hadn't left yet; Donnie looked terrified and that's what really concerned Mikey.

Still, he nodded and crossed his arms over his plastron as he walked out of Leo's room with a huff.

Raphael looked back at Donnie and stared for a quiet moment before narrowing his eyes. "Go away, Mikey!" He snapped back.

This time Mikey's footsteps could be heard running down the tunnel away from them.

Donnie had stopped looking at Raphael all together and had covered his face with his hands, trembling.

Raphael could tell by the little hiccups Donnie made that he was crying.

"Donnie, I—"

"You know? You knew this whole time?"

"I only know what Splinter told me."

"You _knew_ I felt something for you?!" Humiliated, Donnie turned his back to Raphael and moved closer to the wall.

"I didn't know anything like that. I really didn't understand until...just now." Raphael answer with a guilty tone.

* * *

**Eight Years earlier**

"Raphael."

"Yeah, dad?" Raphael smiled as Splinter sat with him on the couch. His leg was still bandaged but it felt a lot better.

"Let me check your wound." Splinter said as he carefully took his son's leg in his hands and unwrapped the bandages.

"I bet it's gonna leave a gross scar." Raphael smiled.

Amused by the enthusiasm in Raphael's tone, Splinter chuckled and shook his head. "You appear to be all healed up now." He commented, showing Raphael only a small indent where the bullet had been. "It wont be a very big scar. It looks like it will heal up very quickly and go away in a few weeks."

"Seriously?" Raphael was skeptical but still smiled from the attention he was getting from Splinter. "So am I able to play hoops now?"

"You may limp for the first few days but, yes, I'm sure you can still beat your brother's in hoops." Splinter added with a chuckle.

"Awesome." Raphael rubbed the scar on his leg then scratched. He had wanted to scratch for _so_ long.

"You're skin is very tough, Raphael. As you and your brothers get older, your skin will get tougher."

Raphael grinned at this and poked his dad's shoulder. "Tough like you?" He poked him again but Splinter shook his head.

"Tougher." He smiled.

Raphael mimicked the smile and leaned against his dad's shoulder as Splinter wrapped up the old bandage and set them aside.

Donnie had walked in with a pair of sunglasses in his hands. He gave the two a disappointed look then walked away without a word.

Splinter watched him go then sighed. "Raphael."

"Yeah?" Absorbed in his cartoons, Splinter had to grab the remote and turned the volume down to get his attention. "What is it?" Raphael asked, still straining to hear the jokes on the cartoon.

"Do you know how much I love you?" Splinter asked.

Raphael gave a crooked tooth grin up to Splinter. "I know that you love me _most."_

"Do you know what Love is?"

"It means you care about me." Raphael liked these questions because he was getting them all right and he was being told that he was loved.

"Do you know how much your brothers love you?"

Raphael made a face and shook his head.

Splinter continued. "Do you love your brothers?"

Raphael crossed his arms and shrugged. "Yeah, I guess."

"How much?"

"Normal amount, I guess." He was now interested in a thread in the couch cushion and began to pull on it.

Splinter sighed. "You might be too young for this talk."

"I'm 7—practically 8!" Raphael exasperated.

"Seven year olds don't usually get a conversation like this."

"What is it about?"

"Just more things about love."

Raphael stuck his tongue out. "Maybe you're right."

"But I've noticed some things and...I think this is the best time. I'm new to being a father and, even still, I don't know how humans raise their young."

"But we're mutants."

"Exactly...You're different."

At the time, Raphael liked hearing that. He liked being different so he smiled again and crossed his arms, relaxing back against Splinter.

"There is another love that you can feel." Splinter explained.

"There's more than one kind of love?"

"Yes." Splinter looked back at the cartoon. "Do you see that mouse with the blue dress?"

"Minnie?"

"She's very fond of her friend, isn't she."

"Mickey?" He asked while the two said mice kissed. "Yeah, they're married, I think."

Splinter felt a weight lift off of him. Okay, so maybe his sons knew more than he thought they did. "You know what marriage is?"

"When two people really love each other then they're married in front of a bunch of people. This other cartoon had something like that. The girl wore a really big dress and it played the wedding song." He smiled up at Splinter. "Do you know the wedding song?"

Splinter nodded.

Raphael hugged Splinter's arm. "We should get married. That way the others will know that you love me the most."

"That is a different kind of love."

"Oh?" Raphael seemed confused again. "How do I get that love?"

"You get that love later in life when you meet a special someone who makes you feel whole inside." At least that was Splinter's understanding of it. He's had a few mates in his life but the love between them was fleeting.

Raphael still had a blank look of no understanding on his face so Splinter decided to be more direct.

"With that kind of love, you do things that you don't do with the other kind of love."

"Okay..." Raphael said slowly. "Like what?"

"Like kissing."

Raphael shook his head. "Donnie kisses me. Are you saying I have to marry Donnie? He's a nerd."

Splinter swallowed his tongue. He hoped this conversation wouldn't have proved his fears to him; his fears of Donnie and Raphael's recent feelings. But it appeared that Raphael was not on the same level as Donnie. That made sense to Splinter; Donatello matured quicker than Raphael and Mikey. Leo also matured quickly but hasn't been showing any emotional signs that were similar to Donatello.

"Uh, a nerd, yes." Splinter said when he realized that he had spaced out. He quickly got back into the conversation. "No, you are not going to marry Donnie—"

"You said nerd, that's funny." Raphael giggled.

"You can't be involved with your brothers in that way because it's wrong."

Raphael still didn't seem to be grasping much but he sat up on his knees and leaned against the couch now, trying to pay more attention. "So Donnie's doing something wrong?" He asked slyly and then grinned. "Is he going to get into trouble?"

"Did Donatello give you those shoes?" Splinter asked, pointing at them.

Raphael looked down behind him at the shoes on his feet. "Yeah." He sighed in a guilty way, feeling bad for wanting Donnie to get into trouble just moments before. "Said they were a_ get well soon _present."

"Is that when he kissed you?"

Raphael nodded, then quickly added, "But I don't think he's knows it's wrong." Now that he was reminded of the gift from Donnie, he didn't want him to get into trouble...much.

"He's not doing anything wrong." Splinter sighed and looked back up when he saw Mikey coming over, holding a half eaten piece of pizza. "Michelangelo, I haven't brought pizza for at least two weeks, where did you get that?"

Mikey stared wide-eyed up at Splinter as his father stood. He chewed slower and then held out the pizza riddled with mold and ants. "Found it." he said with a full mouth and Splinter quickly took the pizza away and scooped Mikey up.

"What have I told you about eating garbage? Who knows where it could have been!" He scolded, carrying a suddenly crying Mikey away to deal with a new problem and leaving his other problem unfinished.

Raphael watched him go then looked over when he saw Donnie quickly run in and smile up at him with the sunglasses in his hand. "Raph!"

Raphael hopped off of the couch, mostly to impress Donnie with his newly healed leg. He didn't wobble as much as usual when hoping off the couch so that was a bonus.

"I found these. They're for you."

Raphael was use to the gifts by now.

"You're getting taller." Donnie complimented, handing the sunglasses over.

"I bet I'll be taller than all of you guys." Raph smirked and looked through the sunglasses at Donnie who was now checking out his leg.

"How's your leg?"

"It's fine now. Dad said we all have tough skin and that it'll get tougher as we grow up."

"That's great!"

Raphael smiled and pushed the glasses up onto his head. "These are cool."

"Yeah, just like you." Donnie gushed and took a step closer. Raphael knew what was coming and he put his hand up to stop Donnie just as Donnie was puckering his lips. "You'll get in trouble."

Donnie cocked his head confused then looked over as Leo came running in. "Dudes, Mikey just threw up a quarter and a whole bunch of pepperoni!"

"Nasty!" Raphael laughed and chased Leo to where they could hear Mikey throw up. He had a limp but tried to hide it.

Donnie ran after—if anything just to stay close to Raphael.

* * *

**Present**

"So, Splinter talked with you about it, too." Raphael asked after a silence between them.

Donnie leaned his head against the wall and touched it weakly with his hands, nodding. "...Did he tell you it was wrong?"

Raphael shrugged a bit and thought it over. It was such a distant conversation and he could only pull fragments from the past. "He said kissing you guys was...wrong." He remembered. "Yeah, he said it was wrong."

"Did he tell you not to love me?"

"No." Raphael was firm about that one. He didn't say that at all. "Did...he tell you not to love me?" Raphael asked this time and watched as Donnie nodded against the wall. Donnie's shoulder shook as he continued to cry and Raphael came up behind his brother and touched his shell.

"He said loving your brother is..."

"Wrong?" Raphael finished.

"Evil."

Raphael was taken aback by the severity of the word. "Evil?"

"Evil." Donnie repeated. "Love like that is not meant for brothers."

"...Was he mad at you?"

Donnie shook his head. "He was disappointed in me...which is understandable. I was doing something wrong." He let go of the wall and he turned around, surprised to see Raphael was standing so close to him. "When I cried, he told me that he wasn't angry with me and that he would love me no matter what. But I know that I had disappointed him with my feelings for you so I stopped them."

Raphael looked over Donnie's face. "...How?"

Donnie's eyes seemed to magnify by the tears. A few fell before he answered but he only replied with a half shrug.

"...So you don't feel anything like that for me anymore?" Raphael took a step closer, practically closing the distance between them. He reached out one of his hands to touch Donnie's hip.

Donnie closed his eyes, letting more tears fall.

"Of course you don't." Raphael answered himself in a muttered tone and raised his other hand to touch under Donnie's chin. "You can't even _say_ you love me."

"I _did_ say it..." Donnie corrected.

"Yeah but I don't believe you." Raphael whispered and Donnie opened his eyes again.

"I do..." He promised.

Raphael shook his head. "It's okay, Don. I don't want you to love me. I don't deserve it."

Donnie shook his head. "But I _do."_ He sounded like a whining child who trying to say he was sorry without having to say it.

Raphael rubbed his thumb against Donnie's chin and moved his fingers against Don's hip. Then he let go of both and he reached up, taking the sunglasses off his head. He was almost surprised that they were still there after having just had sex with Mikey and Leo. He figured they would have fallen off at some point. His sunglasses were more than just an accessory; he had worn them on and off since he was little but, after about ten years old, they started to become less of an accessory and more of a permanent fixture.

Donnie looked at them like his own heartbreak was staring right back. "What are you doing?"

"Giving these back."

Donnie was confused now and he looked up to Raphael. "They're yours."

"You gave them to me when you loved me."

"So?" Donnie choked out and pushed Raphael's hand away. "Stop." He was losing his voice now.

"I don't deserve them."

"Stop!" Donnie had to push the sunglasses away again. "I love you, okay?! I love you!" He shoved then back once more and Raphael let up. "...I love you." Donnie hugged himself.

Raphael put his sunglasses back on top of his head and he reached out again, touching Donnie's hip with both hands, moving closer. "I'm not good at explaining shit so talk to Leo. He knows more about right and wrong than any of us. And he would never disobey Splinter." He said in an annoyed matter-of-fact tone. "So ask him what he thinks because I don't have all the answers. The only thing I know is that I love you too." He leaned in and tilted his head, kissing Donnie's cheek. "And thanks for the sunglasses. They've always been my favorite." He let go of Donnie and moved away, giving his brother some breathing space. He backed up and turned, heading out of the room to track down Mikey.

Donnie looked up, watching Raphael leave. He saw the blood and the cum on the back of Raphael's shell and he slid down the wall, holding himself tighter—afraid of falling apart.


	28. Chapter 28

Leo had to literally toss a coin up for the fates to decide if he should leave the sewers or not. It had come to the point where his intuition was becoming harder to believe in. Should he stay here with his brothers in the sewer, make sure that they're well taken care of and safe from any outside harm? Or should he go up top and check up on his best friend April; her condition was critical and he had promised to go check up on her. Sewers, heads; April, tails.

Tails.

So the fates decided for him to go check up on April; seemed reasonable enough. With the alarm system they had installed in the sewers, his brothers would be aware of any outside dangers breaking into their lair. Also, he had to remember that even though they were all suffering from the trauma of their most recent captor, his brothers were still ninjas and they still possessed the ability to handle and take care of themselves in dangerous situations.

So, without another thought on the matter, Leo left the sewers and climbed out to the surface where the city lights were blinding and the night sky was a black hole.

Surprisingly, Leo hasn't been keeping track of the hours anymore so he wasn't really certain how long it had been since he had dropped April off at the hospital with Vern. He estimated that this was about the second day...or the second night maybe. In the white room, counting the seconds was all he did but now that he was free again he hasn't had the _time_ to count the time; fixing his brothers was distracting enough.

Police sirens and ambulance wails were common in New York city but Leo was more attuned to them as he jumped buildings towards the hospital. With Shredder's cronies trying to wrangle up the prisoners that Leo and his brothers had released and Raphael's murderous rampage, he was sure there would be a high alert going around that would make it difficult for any of them to be moving around. There was no doubt for Leo that things were going to get claustrophobic for him and his brothers.

At this point, Leo contemplated the high chance of them having to move away for awhile until things settled down. New york sewers have always been their home but if staying meant putting his brothers in more danger then Leo would pack the trash bags up with their belongings and hightail it out into the countryside with them. Protecting the city of New York was their responsibility and it was important to them...but protecting his brothers were _also_ his responsibility and it topped his list of importance.

Leo took a detour to the hospital. He hid well behind billboard signs and hopped apartment balconies whenever midnight travelers might catch sight of him. For the city that never sleeps, New York City kept up it's reputation. Moving around at night was only _slightly_ less dangerous than moving around during the day; the best advantage that night had were the shadows that he could hide in.

Once at the hospital, Leo was perched on the neighboring parking garage that was facing the side of the building where he could see the window of the room April was put in. Vern had pointed it out after three times of second guessing himself and recounting windows. Leo doubted if it was the right window at all but then he noticed a figure standing on the fire escape in front of the window Vern had pointed out to him. Even from this distance, Leonardo knew exactly who that was.

He climbed fire escape to the ICU floor, making little noise as he came up behind the figure looking through the window.

Splinter didn't even bother turning around as he stared into April's room.

"How is she?" Leo asked his father, walking to stand by Splinter's side and looking in. He furrowed his browline. April's bed was empty. In fact, besides the indent in the pillow where someone had rested their head, it looked as if no one had even used this bed. "Where is she?" He asked as a nurse grabbed the pillow he was looking at and replaced the cover. She fluffed it back up and laid it back down. "Dad?"

"They took her away, Leonardo." Splinter said softly, still staring. "Her heart stopped beating so they put her in another bed, covered her with a sheet...and took her away."

Leo's ear filled with the sound of his heart beat; a rushing painful sound that drowned out Splinter's next words. He fixated his eyes on the pillow, trying to remember the indent that had been there but no longer being able to see it. He tried to see _something_ of April in that room but it was all gone. "H-how long ago..."

Splinter watched a teenage girl being wheeled in on a stretched and placed into the bed. She was now being hooked up to tubes and monitors just like April had once been. "Not even an hour ago. They just made up the bed ten minutes ago...They washed her face and combed her hair before taking her out." Splinter said thoughtfully. "I didn't know they did that." He turned from the window, slowly closing his eyes as if about to meditate but his voice was full of tears and sorrow. "She was such a young girl...She had so much to give this world."

Leo felt himself crumble but he tried holding himself up by pushing his hands against the brick wall. His eyes were wide, staring down between the grates of the fire escape under his feet. "What am I suppose to tell them?" He said through gritted teeth. "How am I suppose to tell them this?" He shook his head sadly and felt a soft touch on his shell from Splinter.

"Leo, it is not your responsibility to hold that burden. I will—"

"I'm fine, Sensei." Leo's eyes hardened now and he straightened up, staring at the wall. "I can do it. It's just Mikey I'm worried about."

"This is a great loss for all of you, my son."

"I understand."

But Splinter wasn't sure if Leo truly understood. His sons were all still boys to him. They were going to be seventeen soon but they were all growing up too fast. Leo acted well beyond his years and Splinter wasn't sure if he should be proud of that or worried because of it. If Leo were human, Splinter wondered how many gray hairs he would find.

"We should get back to the lair." Leo said. "We might not be able to stick around for very long. Once Vern catches word of this..." Leo closed his eyes for a moment then opened them again, giving up on his previous train of thought.

Splinter briefly took another look inside of the room before following Leo.

* * *

Mikey fumbled with the cords over by the monitors, trying to plug them up. He thought about going down to Leo's room to listen in on Donnie and Raph's conversation but decided against it for once. He was curious but really there was too much drama in that room already and he'd rather just chill from it for awhile. He was pretty tired right now but nothing was better than falling asleep while watching a movie—if he could just get these cords untangled first!

Hearing the gate open, Mikey looked over and smiled when he saw Leo and Master Splinter hop down into the lair. "Hey, do either of you know which cord belongs to the Xbox?" He asked.

Leo opened his mouth then closed it, deciding not to give a response.

Mikey cocked his head curiously at Leo then pulled the cords off and dropped them, coming over. "Leo?" He asked in a small voice. "You okay, dude?" Both Leo and Splinter had a totally negative vibe going on that put Mikey off.

Being the youngest, he liked to think he was pretty good at judging the severity of a bad mood. It's always kept him from getting into _too_ much trouble, especially with Raphael. There was the _downer_ bad mood that could easily be fixed by his pranks—usually Leo and Donatello would get into that mood. Then there was the _strict_ bad mood that Mikey tried to avoid getting involved in because it usually involved pushing their buttons to the point of getting a time out—that mood belonged to Splinter most of the time. His favorite bad mood, but most dangerous, was Raphael's _'I'm going to rip your arms off for doing that_' mood. Raphael never literally got that made but he'd chase Mikey around for awhile until he got tired.

However, the worst bad mood was the _serious _mood. The one that said, 'I'm about to tell you something serious, Mikey.' and no matter what Mikey did, he couldn't put a smile on their face or change the topic to something else. The last time he got that mood from someone was when Splinter was telling him the consequences Mikey had made when he had fed a stray dog half of his chocolate bars for two weeks.

"What's wrong?" Mikey asked regrettably.

Leo swayed slightly, staring ahead.

"Leo?"

"Mikey, go grab a bucket of cold water." Splinter ordered.

Mikey didn't move at first because he wasn't sure why Splinter was asking for that—_a bucket of cold water_? But then he found out why there was such an urgent tone in Splinter's voice.

Leo's body rocked and his eyes were completely vacant. He tilted and before Mikey could react, he collapsed onto the floor, unconscious.

"Leo!" Mikey dropped to his knees beside his brother and shook his shell. _"Leo!"_

"Mikey! Go now! Get the water." Splinter ordered.

Mikey jumped to his feet and ran for the water without anymore questions.

* * *

After his talk with Donnie, Raphael walked down the sewers at a sluggish pace. He half expected Mikey to have still been lingering by the door outside of Leo's room but was pleasantly surprised to see that he had kept his distance. This was a conversation that was meant between Donnie and him for now. He wasn't entirely sure of what to make of the conversation.

If Splinter had told Donnie that loving your brothers in this way was evil...should he reconsider his actions?

He walked into their home dwelling where Mikey was quickly running off to the next space over, looking frantic. He turned his head just slightly and saw Leo collapsed to the floor. "What the—?" Quickly, Raphael rushed to Splinter's side, looking down at his brother on the floor. "What happened!?"

"Help me move your brother on his back." Splinter said to his strongest son as he sat by Leo's side.

Rapahel grabbed Leo's shell and turned him over. The collapse had created another bruise on Leo's face and his left arm had hit the floor awkwardly but there was no other damage besides the unanswered question to why he had passed out in the first place. "Sensei, What happened?" He asked, kneeling by Leo's head as Mikey ran over with a bucket of their drinking water.

"Leonardo has been holding the weight of too many burdens..." Splinter observed sadly.

Mikey quickly dumped the water onto Leo's face, assuming that's what it was for, and Leo jerked up, choking on the water. Raphael instinctively reached out and pulled Leo against him, shell to plastron, as Leo's arms flailed around from uncertainty.

Leo coughed as Raphael rubbed his shell. "What happened?"

"That's what I want to know." Mikey asked, dropping the bucket at his feet, still out of breath. "You passed out, man!"

Leo turned his head to Raphael then back to Splinter. He looked between the two of them where he saw Donnie rushing out of the tunnels, looking panicked from the commotion. Splinter and Raphael helped him to his feet and he swallowed thickly and cleared his throat. "Sorry, I didn't know that—" He apologized then cut himself off and looked distant again.

Mikey stood closer by Leo, afraid he might faint once more. "Leo, what's wrong?" He hated asking. He really wanted to know.

"...We should all sit down." Splinter said. "There's something important that needs to be said." He would be taking over from here. He did not like the burdens crushing Leo's soul. He was their father and their sensei and it was still his duty to protect his sons—even from themselves.


	29. Chapter 29

Raphael had his arm wrapped around Leo's shell, helping him to the couch. Leo wobbled and moved at a sluggish pace but muttered that he was fine regardless.

Mikey, who was trailing behind, grabbed one of his discarded hoodies that was draped over a stack of stereos by the couch and made a face as he quickly wiped what was left of Leo's cum from the back of Raphael's shell. He looked down at the blood and cum smeared onto the hoodie and the saying '_All's fair in Love and War_' popped into his head. He thought about asking Donnie's insight on how it could apply to their situation but he really didn't see Donnie apart of what he was going through with his brothers. He also didn't think he would get a very good response anyway but he kept mulling the saying over in his head, feeling a strange comfort from it. He balled up the evidence and stuffed the hoodie into the crevice of the couch.

Raphael stopped in front of the couch and lowered Leo to sit down first. "You good, bro?"

Leo nodded and Raphael imitated the response and sat down with him.

Mikey pushed himself to sit between Raphael and Leo, placing a comforting a hand onto Leo's shoulder. He looked up at him expectantly. "How bad is this?" He needed some sign that everything was alright. Anything from Leo would have been comforting but Leo was unresponsive.

Donnie sat on the arm of the couch beside Leo and rubbed his arm, feeling tense. He put the facts together and figured out what was going to be said before Splinter even opened his mouth. He knew beforehand that April wouldn't make it when he had seen lying on the floor after being shot. That vacant look in her eyes was a haunting memory to him now. He knew that Leo had run off to check up on her hours ago and he knew that Splinter and Leo had come back with bad news. There was no doubt to him what this bad news was but _knowing_ it and _hearing_ it were too different experiences. He gripped tightly onto his arm, waiting to hear it.

Splinter stood in front of the couch, facing his sons. His tail was limp and his ears flattened against his furry head. "Listen to me, my sons." He captured their attention and let out a long sigh before continuing. "This is very difficult to say." he admitted.

_Then don't say it,_ Leo wished and he felt Mikey link his arms around his own.

Splinter lowered his head briefly to collect his words. "April...she..." He looked up, meeting the eyes of his four sons again and an unhealthy silence blanketed over them.

Sounds that were normally distant, like leaky water pipes and the buzz of random electronics, were now painfully loud. A new sound—the sound of Donnie's sudden tight breathing—now began to fill the silence between them.

Donnie let go of his arm and he hugged himself, taking in shallow breaths as if he was experiencing an asthma attack. "Sh-she's gone, isn't she." His breathing picked up and he slid off of the arm of the couch to tuck himself between it and Leo's body.

Leo looked exhausted from emotion but he pulled his arm up and draped it around Donnie, holding him close to his side.

Whines now incorporated into Donnie's panicked breathing.

Raphael looked angry as he leaned forward, waiting for Splinter to continue what he was going to say. "What about her?" He asked in a dangerously low tone as if he was daring Splinter to say anything bad. He didn't want to listen to Donnie's assumptions. He wanted to know from Splinter _exactly_ what was going on.

Splinter blinked slowly and he took a step toward them. "She has passed away, my son." he answered. "She died peacefully in her hospital bed."

"Peacefully?" Raphael muttered, his eyes widened.

Splinter nodded gently. "She didn't look to be in pain—"

"Not in any pain?" Raphael asked, tightening his fists and slowly standing up onto his feet. "She was shot. She was fucking bleeding to death, last I saw her." He gritted his teeth. "Not in _pain_?" He shook his head. "Don't try and sugar coat this. She was fucking bleeding to death last I saw her!"

"She's gone...She's _gone._.." Donnie hugged tighter onto himself, tucking his face against Leo's side. "We'll never see her again..._never-never-never—_" He took a sharp intake of breath and he pushed himself closer like a scared child needing comfort. Then he wailed and hiccuped through a rush of sobs wracking through his lithe frame as the finality really dawned on him. Their best friend—their _only_ friend—dead! "She's gone _forever!"_

"_Shut up_!" Raphael grabbed a boombox from the stack by the couch and he tossed it across the room. It slammed against the wall and broke into several cracked pieces.

The sound of the crash jolted Donnie into a submissive quiet and he forced himself to looked up with wet eyes at Raphael who was now turning to face him.

"Shut up!" Raphael shouted at Donnie and grabbed his head from a headache. "You keep your goddamn mouth closed or I'll fucking hit you so hard you wont be able to—"

Splinter's tail wrapped around Raphael's foot and pulled his son's leg out from under him.

Raphael hit the floor hard and the air was forced out of his lungs. Blinking, he scowled and kicked Splinters tail off of his ankles then rolled onto his knees. He looked at his father and they both stared at each other until Raphael gave in and turned away. Then he looked to Donnie but Donnie had gotten up from the couch and quickly walked away, leaving them all. He could hear Donnie's door slam shut.

Leo just stared ahead like he was in another world. He looked like a broken toy that needed a new set of batteries to be able to work again.

Raphael then looked to Mikey who was looking back at him with an expression he couldn't really decipher.

"...Why did you yell at Donnie?" Mikey asked when he had Raphael's attention.

Raphael climbed up onto the couch and sat heavily beside Mikey. He didn't answer.

Mikey turned to look up at Splinter. "Dad...?"

"Yes, Michelangelo?" Splinter asked softly as he walked over.

Mikey opened his mouth to speak. He was still for a moment then blinked and looked back up to Splinter. "...Can I watch my movie now?"

* * *

**This chapter's a little short but I thought it would be best to end it here.**

**Well, did they react how you would predict? Or were you surprised?**

**I love to hear your reviews and thoughts about the story :) Even if you are chapters behind, don't worry, I would still love to hear your reviews on whatever chapter you're on! lol Or if you have any questions or feel confused about anything or just want to mention something, bring it up! I love discussing it ;D But I won't give out spoilers! x3 lol**


	30. Chapter 30

_'Either you give Lucy half of all the money you have and leave her alone, or you commit suicide right now.'_

Leo's eyes were glossy as he tried to make out the vague images on the TV set. He heard strange sound and made himself blink until his eyes came into focus. There was a low moaning that didn't match any of the voices in the movie. He blinked until the picture on the television became clear.

_'Suicide? You mean murder.' _The woman on the TV said.

The man was holding a gun and gave a chilling smirk with his reply._ 'When I finish rearranging things, it'll _look_ like suicide.'_

Leo closed his eyes when he felt pressure between his legs. The absolute threshold of pleasure was slowly coming into realization as it took his senses a moment longer to actually figure out what was going on.

"_I'll call the police_!" The woman shouted.

_"Isabel.._." The man said sweetly.

The woman on screen gasped.

Between the movie lines, Leo could hear the soft moaning continue and an occasional sucking sound that came off more innocent than it actually was. When his eyes opened again, his gaze dropped from the flickering TV set and he noticed the top of his brother's head bobbing in his lap.

His first thought was '_Why is he wearing his mask_?'. It shouldn't have been unusual for Mikey to wear his mask. They wore their masks 90 percent of the time—it was rarer for one of them to _not_ have their mask on—but over the last few days since they got back Mikey didn't wear his mask very often. So suddenly seeing that orange tie on the back of his brother's head struck Leo as odd.

Shortly after that thought, there was a gunshot coming from the TV. The sound jolted Leo into finally realizing what exactly was going on. His head tilted back to rest against the couch as he succumbed to the wake up fellatio. "Mikey..." He groaned as he felt the heat of Mikey's lips slide up his cock and pull off.

"Wow, and I just started." Mikey chuckled and Leo felt a kiss under his chin. "I had a feeling this would do the trick."

Leo raised his hand up and brushed his fingers against Mikey's cheek before moving his hand to the back of Mikey's head and gently lowering him back down.

Mikey only giggled at the neediness in his brother's actions before lowering back down and continuing to pleasure him.

Leo's hand tightened into a fist. His vision became spotty and he let out a long sigh as he came into Mikey's mouth. He could feel his brother swallow his release and suck a bit longer than necessary. "Hm..." He hummed with content, letting his eyes drift close again.

Mikey popped back up again and snuggled into Leo's side, smiling. "Dude, don't fall asleep on me. I was hoping that BJ would get you out of whatever weird funk you were in."

Leo put his arm around Mikey, holding him loosely. "How long have I been asleep?"

"Asleep?" Mikey grinned. "Sure, if that's what you want to call it. But I've never seen you sleep with your eyes open." Mikey took Leo's hand in his own and rested his head back against the crook of Leo's shoulder as he went back to watching the movie.

Leo opened his eyes again and glanced around the room briefly. "Where did everyone go?"

"Donnie's locked up in his room still and I think Splinter left to meditate. I heard Raph in the training room breaking stuff." Mikey shrugged after that and traced Leo's hand with his own. "But it's been quiet lately. I've just been watching old movies. You remember_ The Tingler_ right? It's been ages since we watched this movie and it still gives me the creeps."

Leo gave a hum of a response as he went back to staring at the movie—however, his mind was stuck on the blowjob. His dick was still wet with Mikey's saliva but he was too relaxed to cover himself.

Mikey continued to talk throughout the movie, pausing once in awhile to yawn. After the third yawn, Leo interrupted. "You sound tired." He mumbled.

"So do you." Mikey said through another yawn.

"_Well, don't you two look fucking cozy._"

Mikey jumped at Raphael's voice and Leo removed his arm from around his brother's shoulders. He quickly adjusted his sex before looking over to see Raphael coming up to them from behind the couch.

"You scared me, man. I thought you were Sensei." Mikey smiled up to his other brother as he turned around on his knees and reached out to him. His hand touched Raphael's plastron.

"I could have been. He lives here, too, you know." Raphael pushed Mikey's hand away and walked around the couch, sitting down at the opposite end. He narrowed his eyes at the TV screen and huffed. "I hate black and white movies." Yet, he kicked his feet up onto the stack of boxes in front of him and leaned back, watching. He was drenched in sweat and smelled salty from his workout.

Leo stood up, feeling his bones cracking and resorting themselves from sitting down for so long. He felt old and tired but shook his head out of his thoughts and rolled his neck and shoulders, gaining back some of his youth.

Without Leo to snuggle up to, Mikey moved over to Raphael's side of the couch and began to fondly touch his brother's bicep. They all had great muscles from vigorous workout routines but Raphael always went hardcore with his strength training programs. Mikey also knew how much Raph liked it when anyone noticed his efforts. "I'll spot you next time, kay." He promised as he traced a bulge.

Raphael watched Mikey's hand while Leo was stepping away. "Where are you going, Leo?" He asked, suddenly pulling his hand away when Mikey tried to grab at it like a game.

_To bed, _Leo wished. "...I'm going to go check up on Donnie." Last he remembered, Donnie had locked himself up in his room after finding out the news about April. "I'm just going to see if he wants some company or anything."

Raphael was smiling now as he playfully kept pushing Mikey's hand away from grabbing his own. "What the hell are you doing, Mikey?" He asked in a chuckle. He then looked up to Leo, changing his tone for the more serious conversation between them. "Well, good luck with that. I already tried his door twice—hey!"

Mikey finally grabbed Raphael's hand and pulled it close. "Yeah, well you can't blame him for not letting you in. You threatened to punch him."

Raphael rolled his eyes, feeling shame from it. "I wasn't gonna..."

Mikey smiled and stuck one of Raphael's fingers into his mouth, sucking on it.

"You're gross!" Raphael pulled his hand back and Mikey reached for it again.

"It's not suppose to be gross!" Mikey laughed.

Leo walked away from the two and headed toward Donnie's area. Donnie was the only one whose room had a door built into the sewer system itself. His room used to be where maintenance would work on the sewer lines and come to check everything out but that was years before Splinter and them had taken home in these sewers. Now maintenance worked in other locations and no one came down these tunnels anymore.

Leo's knock had to be heavy in order for Donnie to hear him through the steel door. It echoed down the tunnels and he waited for any response before repeating.

* * *

Donatello was curled up on his over-stuffed beanbag chair with tear stains down his face; his broken glasses were placed into one of the beanbag folds by his head.

He had just cocooned himself up inside of his blankets so, when the knocking began on his door, Donatello refused to get up and answer it.

But the knocking didn't stop.

Eventually, Donnie got up and walked across his room to the door. He opened it slowly and peeked out. "Yeah?" He was half-expecting it to be Raphael but was relieved to see Leo standing there instead. His eyes turned down and he moved aside, letting Leo into his room. "What's up?"

"I just wanted to check up on you." Leo walked in and Donnie shut the door behind him. "The news about April...I know it was devastating."

Donnie went over to his beanbag chair and he sat down on it, grabbing his glasses to place them back on. "She shouldn't have been there, Leo...how did she even manage to find out where we were?"

Leo slowly walked around Donnie's room, picking up random gizmos lying on his brother's work desk. "She was smart, Don, but too damn brave for her own good. And she cared about us...that's why she was there."

"...I miss her." Donnie pulled the blanket around him again and curled up on his beanbag, sporting new tears in his eyes.

Leo set down one of the gadgets and he walked over, kneeling by the beanbag. "I know, Don. We'll all miss her." He reached out and stroked Donnie's cheek.

Donnie was quiet for a minute and Leo heard a faint churr coming from his brother as he continued the strokes. "I'm not mad at Raph, if that's what he thinks." Donnie sniffed. "I heard him earlier banging on my door,...yelling that he was sorry. I just needed to be by myself. I know how he takes things and I know he wouldn't have really hit me unless I pushed him to do it." Donnie closed his eyes while Leo stroked his face lovingly.

"Yeah, Mikey said he could hear him breaking a lot of things." _It doesn't matter anyway, _Leo thought,_ because soon we'll probably will have to move from here and find a safer place._ "Mikey's not crying though. He's still acting like—"

"—yeah, like she didn't just die. Just like before when he didn't act like she got shot. He's just blocking it out." Donnie answered, hugging a clump of his blanket to his chest. "He did the same thing when Splinter told him about his dog dying—that mangy white one that had seizures after eating his chocolate bars."

Leo nodded, remembering.

Donnie sighed. "He'll get out of it soon. You know how big of an imagination he has but once he's no longer able to pretend that everything's alright, he'll break down."

Leo leaned over and kissed Donnie's temple. "I'm glad you're not worried. I was thinking we might have to tie him up in a straight jacket." He chuckled softly.

"I _am_ worried...I just..." Donnie blinked slowly then turned around in his beanbag chair, lying on his shell. He looked up at Leo with so many questions that he couldn't ask at once. He began with the most important one. "Are _you_ okay, Leo? You always get so...stoic when your depressed."

"Oh, you've noticed a pattern with me, too?" He smiled, trying to keep the conversation light so to not get in too deep. He came in to try and cheer Donnie up not worry him.

Donnie nodded.

"But I usually come out if it like Mikey, hmm?" He expected Donnie to nod again but Donnie's face twisted up into a pained expression and he shook his head.

"You just bury it down deeper and deeper and it scares me."

Leo kept his smile and his light eyes. He didn't care that he buried painful things down. It was because his brothers were more important. He could deal with his shit later when he's alone. Donnie never saw him release his feelings after going stoic because he did it when no one was around to see him break. He may have been a ticking time bomb just like his other brothers but he was aware of it and he knew when to step away right before he went off. "Don't be scared." Leo rested his head against Donnie's. "I promise we'll all be alright. We still have each other."

"What if that man finds us?...what if he takes us again and what if this time we don't all make it?" Donnie whispered his question, surprised in himself for revealing such a fear aloud.

Leo's eyes widened and his heart cracked from hearing his own fears said aloud as well. It wasn't that he didn't think a thing like that could happen—he was expecting it, actually—but his fear of losing one or all of his brothers overwhelmed him and he clasped his hands against Donnie's head and looked him straight in the eyes. "I will _never_ let anything happen to you, Donnie. I promise."

"That's not a promise you can keep, Leo..." Donnie reached up and held his brother's wrists. "If you're going to promise me something, make me believe it..."

Leo continued to stare deeply into Donnie's eyes. Donnie was right. Leo really wished that he could promise him everything but sometimes bad things just happened and he couldn't stop it. "I..." He hesitated, thinking of the right words. "I will do everything I can to keep you and our brothers safe." he said, revising his promise.

"And what if I'm taken again?" Donnie whimpered, holding tighter onto Leo's wrists.

"I will not rest until I have you back again." Leo rubbed his thumb against Donnie's cheek and leaned in, kissing his forehead. "I can keep that promise."

Donnie closed his eyes from the kiss on his forehead and he nodded. "I believe you."

* * *

**This chapter was actually very difficult for me to write xD I revised it so many times but, now that I'm satisfied with it, I'm finally posting it! lol I hope you all liked it lol If so, or if not, tell me your thoughts in a review! :)**


	31. Chapter 31

When Leo had left the room, Mikey moved to sit onto Raphael's lap and managed to grab his hand once again.

"Stop jerking away." Mikey said with a smile as he held tightly onto Raphael's hand.

Raphael watched, skeptically. He only listened because he was curious, however, the curiosity wasn't because he didn't know what Mikey was doing—he knew exactly where Mikey was going with this—it stemmed from his own reaction to such a thing. He wanted to know if he liked it or not.

Once Mikey subdued his older brother, he grinned and stuck out his tongue while bringing Raphael's hand close to his lips.

Raph tugged only once. He winced as he felt Mikey tongue slide up his finger.

Of course it was erotic and immediately made Raphael think of other things Mikey could lick. "What are you thinking about when you do that?" He asked in a hushed tone, waiting for Mikey to start deep throating his fingers. "You're not thinking about what I think you're thinking about, are you?"

Mikey continued to lick as if it was nothing more than a Popsicle. He stopped to answer and hugged Raphael's arm. "You mean doing the same thing to your cock—?"

"Don't say that." Raphael huffed.

"I'm not a kid." Mikey replied just as quickly. He kissed the tip of Raphael's finger before hugging Raph's hand back against his plastron. "I may be the baby brother but I'm not a baby, Raph." As he said this, he lowered Raphael's hand down his body.

"I still don't like you saying shit like that."

"They're just words, Raph, they're not going to bite you."

Raphael blushed and his eyes followed where Mikey was pushing his hand.

"Do you think I'm corrupted?"

Rapahel looked back at Mikey oddly, finding it unusual for him to ask that.

"Or that I'm corrupting you?" Mikey rephrased.

"No." Raphael's eyes lidded as he felt his fingers reach their destination and he numbly began to trace Mikey's cloaca. "I don't see you that way."

Mikey rocked his hips against Raphael's hand slowly. "I know what you think of me. You think I'm too young or too immature to handle something like this." But Mikey shrugged as if it didn't offend him. "I'm fine with you thinking that because it means I get to prove you wrong." He gave a half smile but it left soon after appearing.

Raphael could feel a heaviness settle over Mike. The rocking against his hand stopped and he ceased his fingers from exploring any further until he understood what was going on with Mikey's mood.

"I know what you _think_ of me," Mikey repeated with a sigh. He reached up and pulled on the knot of his bandana, taking it off and setting it aside, "but I don't know what you _feel_ for me. It's hard to figure you out when it comes to feelings."

"It should be obvious how I feel about you. You're my brother so obviously I love you."

Mikey shook his head; not disagreeing with Raphael but simply just disappointed with the response. "I'm your brother...nothing more than that." He said, clarifying. "And when you let me have you back in Leo's room, it was your way of punishing yourself, wasn't it."

"You're jumping to conclusions." Raphael murmured, lowering his hand from Mikey's heat and resting both hands onto his brother's hips.

"Well, you're not telling me that I'm wrong."

"Come on, Mikey, it's not like you to be so serious all the time. What you're saying is stupid." Raphael said. "What do you want me to do? Paint you a picture about how I feel?"

"It's not stupid." Mikey frowned. "Why don't you ever tell me how you feel?"

"You know how awkward I am with that kind of thing and right now you're just making it more awkward. Now cut this out. You're acting weird."

Mikey lowered his head and closed his eyes, looking like he was about ready to cry.

Raphael rolled his eyes. This was why he didn't talk about his feelings; he just...couldn't do it without saying the wrong thing. He didn't mean to make Mikey feel bad. He understood that it was important for Mikey to feel loved right now but wasn't he getting enough of the lovey-dovey words from Leo? If he was expecting Raphael to talk to him the same way that Leo does, well then, Mikey's just going to end up being disappointed in him. "You know I'm not good with words. If you ever want to know how I feel about you just pay attention to how I touch you."

It was quiet between them. Mikey refused to continue the conversation without more explanation from Raphael and Raphael was busy with kneading his hands against Mikey's hips. After a full ten or fifteen seconds, Raphael groaned and he rubbed his hands up Mikey's sides before pulling his brother's arms around his neck. "Alright, you big baby...you win." Raphael said against Mikey's ear before pressing Mikey's head against his chest.

"Can you hear how much I love you now?" He asked.

Mikey kept his eyes closed and he gave a sigh. He relaxed into the hug, listening to the strong beat of Raphael's heart. "You mean your heart?" Mikey asked. A sudden overwhelming emotion coursed through him.

"Yeah, did you forget that I have one?" Raphael joked but it came off more bitterly than he intended.

Mikey rested his hands against Raph's shoulders, snuggling close as he continued to listen. It reminded him of back in the white room when Leo would pressed his head against Raphael's chest in-between the electric shocks—back when Raphael's heart had stopped beating all together.

"That's my love for you and for Donnie and Leo." He looked down at Mikey and his heart beat quicken from nerves, hoping he was saying the right thing. "It's not much...but it means exactly what you want to hear. It means I love you and as long as my heart is beating, I _will_ protect you."

"As long as your heart beats...you promise to love me?" Mikey smiled from this.

"No,"Raphael sighed then repeated himself. "As long as it beats, I will _protect_ you. I'll still love you long after my heart stops beating." He said matter-of-factually.

Mikey hugged Raphael's neck and nuzzled under his chin. "I think we should go to my room now..."

Raphael felt a shiver run through him from the rare huskiness in Mikey's voice. "I think you're right."

* * *

Leo was leaning against Donnie's beanbag chair, looking over his brother's glasses in his hands. "Can we get these fixed?"

Donnie was still curled up on his beanbag behind Leo. He hugged his blanket tighter around himself and gave a hum of a response. "My glasses? No. I'll have to get a new pair."

"What about your spare glasses?"

"Those _are_ my spare glasses." Donnie sat up on his hip and looked over Leo's shoulder, watching him inspect the lens. "I can still see through them. That's why I went back to find them after tossing them...they just give me a headache if I wear them too long."

"No, we'll get you a new pair. You deserve to see clearly and, with all the shit that's been going on, I'd feel better if you could see your way through a fight."

"Don't underestimate me." Donnie smiled, reaching out and taking his glasses from Leo. "I remember kicking your butt in a match without my glasses before."

"Oh yeah? You mean when you tripped during our match and your glasses fell off your face?" Leo chuckled. "I remember you freaking out and swinging around your Bo like it was the end of the world. Couldn't see a damn thing so you swung at everything."

"I still beat you; it counts." Donnie said playfully.

"Well, I'm not going to attack a blind guy." Leo turned around to face Donnie. He reached up, flicking Donnie's glasses gently.

Donnie quickly straightened them, smiling softly.

"Come on, Don. I can see it in your eyes." Leo began. "What you saw between me and Mikey...and what you know happened with Raph, too. I know you want to talk about it."

The playful mood had died after that and Donnie straightened his glasses again out of habit. "Did Raphael say anything to you about it?"

"No. Was he suppose to?" He asked.

Donnie shook his head. "...Raph and I talked about stuff when you had left to see April."

Leo nudged Donnie, who took the hint and moved over on his beanbag. Leo got onto the beanbag beside his brother and rested back, staring up at the ceiling as he listened.

Donnie laid back as well but his eyes weren't focused on anything in particular as he spoke. "Basically, I was telling him that what you guys were doing was wrong. I told him that Splinter had said it was evil."

"Evil." Leo mused about that then continued to listen.

"Raphael said that I should talk with you about it because you know more about what's right and what's wrong. He said..." Donnie hesitated, trying to recall the exact words then shrugged. "Well, he said that you would never do anything against Splinter's wishes."

Leo nodded in thought then turned his head to look at Donnie.

Donnie could feel Leo's eyes on him so he turned his head to look back. "So,...if Splinter says it's evil...then why do you disobey him about it?" Donnie asked seriously.

Leo inhaled deeply through his nose then let out a sigh. "...well, I guess because...he's wrong."

Donnie pulled his head back, shocked by the words coming out of Leo's mouth. "Wrong?"

"Splinter's not perfect, Don. He has his opinions and we have ours."

Donnie was so stunned by Leo's practical tone that he had no words.

"I mean, Splinter thinks anchovies are great but that doesn't mean I agree...actually, they'd probably taste better without eyeballs." He muttered.

"This is more serious than about personal opinion, Leo. He's not the only one who thinks this way." Donnie was getting angry now. It was like Leo wasn't taking it seriously enough.

"Yeah, and Splinter's also not alone when it comes to loving anchovies."

"Having sex with your brother is not the same thing as eating anchovies!" Donnie shouted, shoving Leo off the beanbag.

Leo sat up on his knees and looked at the floor, trying to find a better way to explain to Donnie what he meant.

"Liking something and not liking something is different than what's right and what's wrong!" Donnie continued to shout and he glared angrily at Leo.

"How did you and Splinter get to talking about this anyway?" Leo asked.

Donnie was breathing sharply through his nose then blinked back angry tears and turned away. "It was when we were little. I was being too affectionate toward Raph. Splinter noticed and told me that I shouldn't feel that way toward Raphael."

"And he said those feelings are evil?"

"I asked him if what I was doing was bad and he said that people saw it as a sin to love your brother like that. He said that humans weren't allowed to do this."

"But he didn't say you were evil." Leo clarified.

"I didn't say that he said_ I_ was evil. He said that the act was a sin; sin is evil."

"So he didn't say the word _evil_ at all?" Leo asked.

"Sin and Evil are the same thing." Donnie muttered, annoyed.

"True..." Leo slowly moved back onto the beanbag. "So he said that he hated you for it?"

Donnie gasped and he shoved Leo off the beanbag again. "Splinter would _never_ say that."

"Jesus Christ, Donnie." Leo huffed as he rolled off his shell and got back onto his knees. "My point exactly. He didn't hate you then and he wouldn't hate you now or in the future or _ever._ He doesn't hate me or Mikey or Raph—and you know what Raph did. He still loves Raphael even though he's still freaking hasn't washed off the blood of those people he massacred."

Donnie balled up his blanket and threw it at Leo before crossing his arms over his chest.

Leo pulled the blanket off and sighed. "I'm not saying that we should tell Splinter about what we do in the bed. That's personal between us. He already knows what happened in that room between us and he hasn't pulled any of us aside or had to explain to any of us that what we did was evil. We did what we had to do in order to survive and now we're doing it to show our love."

"We can show our love without having to be physical."

"Which is why this isn't something I'm forcing you to do, Don. I know you love us and I love you to. You're right, we don't _have_ to have sex to know that we love each other. It's just that, with sex, you connect with someone on a whole other level. It isn't like what happened in that room, Donnie. It's different. It's intimate and it feels amazing."

Donnie ignored most of that as he rolled around an unspoken question in his mind. Finally, he looked back to Leo to ask what was bothering him so much. "So you're just perfectly content with going against Splinter's wishes for us?"

"Splinter wishes for us to be happy and to learn from our mistakes and all that." Leo rolled his wrist in Et cetera as he got back up to his knees and sat on the beanbag. "No matter what, he'll always love you, Donnie." He put a hand on his brother's shoulder, half expecting to be pushed off the beanbag again. "But this is your choice, not his."

Donnie was quiet but his anger subsided.

Leo held his breath, contemplating his next words. He didn't want to say them but... "If it would make you feel better," he began slowly, "if it will help you accept this love," he continued, "I will ask for Splinter's blessing." He said calmly. His heart, however, was racing.

Donnie blushed deeply and his heart was also beating fast. He slowly turned to look at Leo, shyly.

"Is that what you want, Donatello?" Leo asked in a soft voice. He wasn't being sardonic or mean. He was nervous but he was talking with love and he was being serious.

"I don't know..." Donnie said with a shaky voice.

"I don't think you'd be comfortable without his blessing." Leo nuzzled Donnie's cheek when he noticed his brother's shakiness.

"But I don't like the idea of him knowing about it either."

"He won't stop loving us." Leo promised.

"He'll be disappointed in us." Donnie whimpered. "What if he gets mad?"

"You don't have to be there when I ask." Leo reached up and rubbed Donnie's shell, soothingly. He was the eldest after all. It was his responsibility. He should have asked for his blessing in the beginning; maybe then it would have saved Donnie so much heartache. He hated to see his brothers suffer and he would do anything to end their pain and discomfort.

Donnie continued to stare up at Leo with watery eyes. Then he leaned forward and gave Leo a short and gentle kiss on the lips, like sealing an unspoken deal.

_You bring me Splinter's blessing and I'll give you my everything.  
_

Leo smiled, accepting the terms.


	32. Chapter 32

His name was forgotten along with his memories. Those who asked for a name received a smile and a number, _"Ten.". _Then a series of images would flash through their heads and he would be inside of their minds, searching through information and unlocking the secrets of their past; something he refused to do inside of his _own_ mind. Those with weak wills were easily brought under his control, however, despite his manipulative and controlling skills he had no desire to be a ruler or lead any number of people. He was a follower to one man; he was an informant and he was a valuable tool.

But right now he was in hiding; he was invisible as he walked down the streets that were riddled with cops. His captives were loose and most of his weak willed patrons were being brought to their knees by the law and dragged away to serve a lifetime behind bars.

It would be unwise for him to come out of hiding right now but, once all of this chaos settled in a few days, he would go back to Shredder—his master.

As he looked around the city at all the crimes going on, he couldn't help but smile. He knew that he did not fail Shredder because he _did_ destroy the turtles. They may have escaped but the lack of vigilantes stopping crimes over the past few days were proof of his success. No turtles were going around to help defend their city from the crimes because the turtles were broken and Shredder would appreciate this.

Maybe the turtles would never fight again, he mused. He wouldn't know for sure until their next visit.

Oh, he couldn't wait until his next playdate with them...

* * *

_Dad, I would like your blessing to..._ Leo growled, annoyed that the words were suddenly lost to him. To what? To fuck Donnie? He rolled his eyes and bitterly laughed at himself. What exactly was he asking Splinter's blessing for? Donnie's permission to have sex with him and his brothers? There had to be a better way to ask for this. There was no way he could be so bold as to ask of Splinter anything with the word _sex_ in it.

As he walked down the tunnels, millions of negative questions ran through his mind; What if Splinter said no and didn't give his blessing? What if Splinter hates him? What if he banishes him or he disowns him for doing something...evil? Leo shook his head to rid himself of these questions but he still felt that knot in his stomach. He was scared, no doubt. His hands were trembling and he kept forgetting how to think.

Was this really even worth it? He wasn't sure. All he knew was that his feet were still moving toward Splinter's area.

Normal humans ask a father's blessing for a hand in marriage but they were mutant turtles and mutant turtles don't get married. So that's not really what he was asking—

He stopped and felt a rush of clarity run through him. "That's it..." He said softly. "That's perfect." The words seemed to flow so perfectly now! He couldn't see how Splinter could possibly say no!

_Dad, I would like your blessing to have Donnie as my mate... _Leo pumped his fist in the air. That's exactly what he wanted to ask! It wasn't as dirty as asking to have sex with his brothers. It was like asking a hand in marriage, just like normal people do. Sure, Donnie was still his brother and that might make Splinter a little hesitant but there were not a lot of options for them. They were the only mutant turtles around! Surely Splinter could sympathize with that.

He wanted Donnie as his mate—_and Mikey._

Leo frowned.

_And Raphael..._

_Fuck—_Back to square one. No way in hell would Splinter accept them having multiple mates; that had orgies written all over it.

Still, he continued on toward Splinter's room, hoping to find the words before he opened his mouth to ask.

* * *

Donnie sat on his beanbag with uncontrolled nerves. Leo had left not even five minutes ago with a promise to Donnie that he would talk to Splinter and, now that Leo was gone, Donnie couldn't help but feel like this was a horrible _horrible_ idea. Splinter would never accept it!

He got up from his beanbag and straightened his glasses before taking them off all together and setting them onto his desk.

Yes, he wanted to be with his brothers—Yes, he never got over his crush on Raphael—And, _yes,_ he liked the kiss with Leo. His brothers were all getting involved with each other on a level of intimacy that Donatello never thought any of them would experience. He's been feeling so insecure and depressed lately that he wanted nothing more than to push himself into the arms of one of his brothers for comfort. So when Leo came in and offered him comfort, Donnie should have just taken it instead of asking for the blessing.

He kicked hard at his overstuffed beanbag chair. "Why didn't I just let him have me!" He shouted, kicking at it again before losing the energy and plopping back down onto it, lying on his stomach.

He sighed and blinked slowly. He knew exactly why he didn't let Leo take him and he knew exactly why he needed Splinter's blessing first. Because he was too afraid to do something like _that_ behind Splinter's back. It terrified him to the point that he was pretty sure he wouldn't enjoy sex at all unless he was given permission to do it—which he hated.

Donnie groaned feeling the weight of his insecurities but it made perfect sense to him. It took him the longest out of all of his brothers to disobey Splinter and go to the surface to help people. He would mostly watch his brothers fight crime on his monitors and provide distance observational back up. It was months before he actually felt comfortable enough to sneak up to the surface with them.

Donnie buried his face into his beanbag. He knew all of the horrible outcomes that could come from this but...what if, by some miracle, Leo actually _did_ come back with Splinter's blessing? Would they just _do it_ right when Leo got back?

No way, he's not ready for that kind of thing! _Where_ would they do it? _How_ would they do it? Would he have to wear his glasses? Should he wash up first?

He whined and turned around, sitting up again. What if he wasn't good at it? What if he got hurt again? He trembled from the memory of Raphael forcing himself inside of him. It didn't feel right! He made him bleed!

Donnie hugged himself and choked on a sob. Now the outcomes of Splinter saying yes or no both terrified him.

Maybe he should run after Leo and stop him from asking.

"No, Leo knows what he's doing..." Donnie whispered quietly to himself. "I have to trust him." This thought calmed him down a little and he took a deep breath.

Looking down at his legs, he opened them slightly and thought about how it would feel for Leo to take him. Leo wasn't like Raphael so Donnie assumed that he would be more gentle—not to mention, they would be doing it without the punishment of dying as an alternative.

Donnie laid back against his beanbag and he reached down shyly to touch as his cloaca. He traced it gently, feeling no pleasure or pain; just a gentle rub. He closed his eyes and imagined Leo's hand doing the same thing and suddenly there was a spark of pleasure.

Opening his eyes again, he pulled back his hand and closed his legs, embarrassed. "...I need to wash up." He suddenly voiced aloud. He really hasn't cleaned himself at all since he had come back from that room and he needed to. He felt dirty and there was no way he would let Leo touch him like this. He got up and walked to his door, peeking out before leaving his room. A quick bath, that's all he needed and not just because he might have sex with Leo. Washing off everything that's happened this past week was not only welcomed but imperative.


	33. Chapter 33

Donnie took off all of his clothing and accessories and laid them aside as he stepped closer to the broken water pipes. He reached out his hands, catching some of the water, before stepping completely under the stream and turning his head up toward it. The water was clean and cool. It use to be rustic but Leo and Raphael had changed some of the pipes out with newer models a few years ago, purifying it for their drinking and washing supply. It really only became a problem during winter when it would freeze up.

Donnie didn't realize just how dirty he was until he looked down and saw the puddle of filth he was standing it. His scutes were a brighter color now and he admired them as he rubbed the water down his arms. He turned around so the stream could hit his shell but stopped short and gasped when he caught sight of Raphael standing over by a sectional wall, watching him. He backed up, self consciously. "You scared me."

Raphael smirked with apologetic eyes and brought his hand up, rubbing the back of his neck. "Sorry, I was just coming in to clean up. Mikey was complaining about the blood." He murmured, pointing back to his shell. He didn't expect to see Donnie when he came in and he would have said something but...seeing Donnie so relaxed was nice. He knew the moment Donnie saw him that things would get tense—and he was right.

"Oh, um, I'm done." Donnie said quickly and stepped out from under the water. "You go ahead."

"Hey, hold it." Raphael walked over, stopping Donnie from grabbing his things. "You want me to get your shell? I mean...I'll need a little help with mine, too." He offered.

Donnie didn't want to stay any longer but Raphael sounded like he wanted to do more than wash each others shells...

"Um, I also wanted to talk to you about earlier." Raphael added, proving Donnie's assumptions to be correct.

"About what?"

"About when I said I would hit you." Raphael reached out, touching the water with a grimace; too cold for his preference. "You walked away after I said that and I've felt like shit for it ever since."

"Well, it was a pretty shitty thing to say." Donnie reached out and stuck his hand under the water now. "But don't worry about it..we were all upset about—" He stopped himself from saying her name and he sighed. "Turn around so I can clean off your shell."

Raphael obeyed and stepped back when Donnie pulled him closer to the water. He felt Donnie's hand run smoothly over his shell and he closed his eyes at the touch.

"Does it hurt still?"

"Does what hurt?"

Donnie brushed his fingers over a series of cracks in Raphael's shell. "These cracks in your shell."

"Oh, uh..." Raphael stopped to think about it and he shook his head. "No. Not really. Do they look bad?"

Donnie nodded and went back to rubbing his hand against the patches of dirt and blood, watching it all wash away. "They must have hurt like crazy when it happened."

"Yeah. It's not easy being the reckless one, you know." Raphael chuckled, lightening the tone that was being set.

Donnie smiled a little from that and he sighed. "You should take care of yourself better. You only get one shell, you know."

Raphael shrugged. He knew he wasn't going to change overnight. He couldn't promise to take care of himself when he was constantly throwing himself into dangerous situations. "I can take it."

"For how long?"

"As long as it takes." Raphael's voice was gruff now.

Donnie was quiet for a moment, rinsing off the last of the blood in Raphael's shell. "So are you and Mikey...doing stuff together?" He asked, clearing his throat right after.

Raphael shifted from foot to foot. "Do you really want to know that?" He was positive that Mikey was back in his room, lying on the mattress; probably flipping the pages of his comic book and waiting patiently. They were right in the middle of four-play when Mikey randomly started to complain to Raphael to shower first. Raphael didn't see a problem because he didn't smell _that_ bad. Besides, pipe water was always way to cold for his liking. But Mikey then became serious about it, talking about how he didn't want Raphael to get blood on his bedsheets. Well, what was he suppose to do? He could either wash up and have sex or refuse to wash up and go solo for the night.

"I talked to Leo about it like you said." Donnie mentioned. "I'm a little more open to the idea."

Raphael looked over his shoulder to glance at Donnie who was still paying more attention to his shell. When he turned around to face him, Donnie looked away blushing. "Turn around."

Donnie looked up at Raphael from the tops of his eyes, shyly. "What?"

"Turn around so I can clean your shell." Raphael clarified.

"Oh," Donnie turned around and held his arm, rubbing it nervously. It was quiet between them for a moment. Both were trying to find the right words to say in order to continue the conversation.

They both opened their mouth to speak but Raphael got his question out first. "How did he get you to change your mind?" He asked.

Donnie shrugged. "He told me not to listen to Splinter." He jumped slightly when he heard Raphael start to laugh.

"That's it?" Raphael chuckled, finding that hard to believe. "That doesn't sound like Leo."

The way Raphael rub his shell was like he was washing a car, using rough circular movements. Donnie liked the rough purposeful touch.

"So that really worked?" Raph asked.

"Well, he said a lot of other stuff but...it kind of worked. Right now he's going to talk to Splinter and—" Donnie stopped, wondering if telling Raphael was a good idea.

Raphael stopped the circular motions against Donnie's shell. "Talk to him about what?"

Donnie slowly turned back around to look up at Raphael. "Um...I don't know exactly."

"About us having sex?"

Donnie blushed deeper. "H-he wouldn't say it like that to Splinter. He's just going to get his blessing."

"Blessing? For what?"

"...I don't know." Donnie said in an even softer voice. Raphael looked upset right now but Donnie understood why. Raphael was confused and didn't understand why Splinter was suddenly being involved in all of this. "I don't want to do anything behind his back." Donnie explained. "I don't want him to find us in a bad position. I want him to know that we want to start a relationship."

Raphael stared at Donnie a moment longer then took in a deep breath and he grabbed Donnie's shell, turning him back around to continue cleaning it. "So Leo's going to ask for Splinter's blessing and then you'll be able to get _closer_ with us?"

Donnie nodded.

"So, you really want that?"

"To be with you guys?"

"Yeah, to have sex with us...all of us? Or is it just Leo?"

Donnie was quiet again.

"You just didn't seem like the type to...get involved that way." Raphael continued.

"I don't want to be left out." Donnie mumbled. "You all are getting closer with each other and...I don't want to be left behind."

Raphael slowed his touches on Donnie's shell. "What do you mean left behind?"

Donnie stayed quiet again and Raphael didn't push the conversation any further.

"There. You're good to go." He said, giving Donnie's shell a gentle pat before turning Donnie back around to face him. Donnie was keeping his head down and he could tell why without having to ask. Donnie was trying to hold it together. His eyes were closed and his face showed an expression of sadness. Raph pulled Donnie closer, hugging his arms around him. "Don't cry."

"If you guys start having a relationship together without me, I'll just become a third wheel." Donnie said, with a hiccup as he buried his face into Raph's plastron. "You guys will forget about me."

"That's not even remotely true." Raphael said. "You're smart enough to realize that."

Donnie hiccuped again and let Raphael hold him until he calmed down. Then he pulled away and wiped his eyes with his wrist.

"You feel better?" Raphael asked, hoping Donnie understood that nothing was going to keep them apart, not even this new relationship they were all trying out.

Donnie nodded and walked over to his things, scooping them up. "I'm going to get back to my room...I'm sorry, I'm really just tired and it's making me emotional." He said, giving his emotional behavior an excuse that Raphael didn't buy. "You can get back to Mikey now. You're all clean." His voice was stuffy from the previous tears but he looked to Raphael and gave him a small smile. "Thanks for listening to me."

"Anytime." Raphael watched Donnie leave before taking in a deep breath and letting it out with a sigh. It was nice to finally leave things on a good note with Donnie but he was feeling a little apprehensive about Splinter finding out about them. Donnie made a good point but Raph would still rather do all of this in secret. "Damn it, Leo, you better know what you're fucking doing." He muttered before leaving the room and heading back to Mikey.


	34. Chapter 34

_Damn it, Leo, what the fuck are you doing!_ Leo had been asking himself this as he stood before Splinter's room. He was nervous to enter and still couldn't figure out how to say what he needed to say. The only words he had put together were, _Dad, I would like to have your blessing—_no, no, wait—_Father, __I would like to have your blessing..._

"Yeah, that's better." Leo muttered before taking a deep breath and pushing aside the hippie beads, compliments of Mikey, separating him from entering Splinter's room. He took a deep breath. "Father, I need to speak with you." Now that he said _Father_ out loud, it sounded way too strange. Sensei would have been better, _damn it! _He looked around the room but Splinter wasn't there. "Sensei?"

"Yes, Leonardo?"

Leonardo spun around to see Splinter standing with his arms behind his back, staring up at Leo curiously. "Sensei!" He bowed apologetically. "I-I thought you were meditating."

"There must be a lot on your mind for you to become so blind to your surroundings my son." Splinter spoke as he entered his room from the tunnel. "I was on the surface." he explained.

"The surface?" Leo followed Splinter inside. "It's way too risky to go up there now." He sighed, looking over his shoulder and thinking about his brothers. "Raph and the others aren't ready to go up and fix the mess we've made." He said quietly as he now followed Splinter to the center of his room. He hoped the NYPD were doing a decent enough job without them having to interfere. He himself didn't want to go up top right now either.

"There is so much chaos." Splinter looked dejected. "But this is not your mess to clean, Leonardo. I can sense the trauma all of this has put onto you and your brothers. I do not want any of you to go up there. We shall let the police deal with all of this mess."

Leonardo wasn't going to argue with that. It wasn't their way to let others fight their battles for them but they had been through so much and it would probably just make things worse if they tried to help. He watched Sensei sit down in the center of his room, looking about ready to meditate. "Dad,...you...you know what happened to us in that room."

Splinter's ear drooped and he nodded sadly. "Yes, my son...please sit."

Leo looked down at the floor then sat down across from Splinter, keeping his head bowed. "I was thinking a lot about leaving. I think it would be best. At least until things settle down."

Splinter's ear twitched, listening.

"It's too dangerous to go up top and it's impossible to heal our wounds here. Staying here while all of that goes on is like sitting in a cage, waiting to get caught again. We're too close to the danger, Sensei, and I can't let my brother's get involved again." His tone hardened at the end, thinking about the pain in that room they had endured.

"I'm not sure where we would go that is safe, Leonardo." Splinter said quietly. "But it is something to think about. This trauma that has been created lies too deep within you all. Raphael has already showed me that you all are not ready to face these demons."

Leo found a question that might steer this conversation toward why he came here in the first place. "Raphael went against your morals. He killed many." Leo began. "But you still allowed him to stay and you...you still love him, right?"

Splinter did not look offended at the question but his ears twitched and he looked confused by it. "Of course. He is my son, Leonardo. Nothing can change that."

"And nothing will take your love away from us?"

Splinter nodded and his broken tail came closer to his body—something that only Leonardo had picked up as an insecurity tick of their father. "There is something else you need to tell me." He didn't ask it, he knew there was something on Leo's mind.

"Yes. Well, sort of. I came for...a blessing from you." Leo began.

"My blessing?"

Leo nodded. "I was talking with Donatello." He tried to keep eye contact through this. Knowing that Splinter can still love them, even after they screw up as badly as Raphael, helped Leo to speak his mind. "He was talking a lot about something you had told him in the past. How being with each other...as lovers...was a sin."

"Yes, I remember that." Splinter spoke quietly. "And Donatello has felt much heartache from his experience in that room, I can tell. So he has sent you here to speak with me in his place?" he asked.

"In a way." Leo admitted.

"I understand." Splinter took hold of his tail, rubbing the bandaged area gently. "He's afraid I will not love him anymore because of what that _monster_ made you all do." Splinter had tears forming in his eyes. "That is a lie. I love Donatello very much. I love all of you. None of you are to blame for what happened. I should have—"

"—Don't." Leo said quickly. He wouldn't be able to handle his emotions if their own dad blamed themselves for what happened. "It's no one's fault but that man's fault, right? It's none of our fault, not even yours."

Splinter didn't seem convinced but, in a way, Leo was not convinced of this either. He still held a seed of responsibility for what happened and he was sure that Splinter always would as well.

"So, you really had a conversation like that with Donnie before? About us not being with each other like that." Leo asked, getting closer to his main point.

Splinter nodded slowly. "It was a very long time ago, Leo."

"How come you never had that talk with us?"

"Only Donnie showed signs of fondness toward his brother. It was not a normal thing for brothers to feel so I did not think I needed to talk with the rest of you about it. I felt that I might just be putting something in your head that wasn't meant to be there to begin with."

"Yeah, but...is it really that bad? You're saying Donnie had a crush on one of us but was it really necessary to tell him not to crush on us?" Leo was speaking quicker than usual as if trying to speak before his brain had time to stop him.

"I didn't want to wait for it to get out of hand. Like I said, it was not normal behavior. I believe that, at the time, Donnie was just too young to understand that so I—"

"But we're not even normal to begin with." Leo interrupted.

Splinter was quiet.

"I mean, we're turtles, you know. Normal turtles don't really care if they sleep with their siblings."

"From my understanding, you're not normal turtles either, Leonardo."

"Yeah, but we're _not_ humans even if we've mutated this far from their mutagen. So, why compare us to the human's way of living?"

"I do not follow, Leonardo..." Splinter studying Leo with his eyes until Leo finally could no longer keep eye contact. "...What blessing were coming to ask of me?" He asked, seemingly apprehensive.

Leo was quiet and he looked down at his hands in his lap. "I came to ask..." His face was hot and his chest was tightening. "I-I came to ask your blessing for, um,..." The perfect words still weren't there so he shut his eyes and said whatever came to mind first. "For your blessing to mate with my brothers." As soon as he had said those words, he wished he could have taken them back. It didn't sound the way he wanted it to at all. It did come off as a marriage proposal, it came off as completely sexually related. There was a silence afterwards and he began to speak again, hoping to save himself. "I don't see it as wrong and this is something they wish for as well. Donatello refused, however, until he had your blessing." Leo opened his eyes but still stared down at his lap. "He didn't want to continue without your consent..."

"My consent to allow you all to...mate."

Hearing Splinter say the word just made it sound even more dirty and wrong...and maybe it was but, "What do you expect from us, Sensei? We're alone in this world. We want to find love so why not with each other? What damage is it going to do?" He asked. "Why is it a sin for us to want to be happy?"

Splinter's tail was now wrapped around himself and his head was bowed as though he was meditating.

"I don't want to hurt my brothers. So, please, give me a good reason why we can't claim one another as mates and I'll make sure it ends."

"The signs are not clear to those who do not search for them..." Splinter sighed. "I should have realized this a long time ago." His tail slacked from around himself and he stood up from the floor like an old man. He walked toward the bench that held his belongings and he reached for the tea pot. It was empty and he sighed again. "How are you certain that this isn't a feeling conjured up because of what happened in that room?"

Leo got to his feet and he shrugged. "I actually believe that's exactly where it comes from, Sensei. We experienced something that none of us thought would ever be possible to experience." He wasn't sure whether to come to Splinter's side or stay put; he choose to stay put. "Most of us had given up on the idea of finding a mate; except Mikey."

"Michelangelo is no surprise..."

Leo wasn't sure if he was imagining the small smile in Splinter's tone or if it was real. But when Splinter turned around, the smile must have left quickly because it was no longer there.

"You are not asking for my blessing to have Donatello as your mate." Splinter said. "But you are asking to have _all_ of your brothers."

Leo blushed and looked down again, wishing Splinter would stop looking at him. "We're all comfortable with each other. We don't feel jealously and...we all love each other the same. I don't see why we can't share our love in new ways. I would do anything for my brothers, Sensei." Leo swallowed his nerves and he looked back up. "I mean, I'm standing here asking for your blessing to be with them. Doesn't that prove it?"

"And if I said no?" Splinter asked.

If he said no...Leo shook his head, uncertain. "I don't know, Sensei. I would still return my brother's love...but Donatello would not accept it."

Splinter stared for the longest time. Leo looked away then looked back, constantly rebuilding his nerves that were tore down by Splinter's scrutinizing gaze. Finally, Splinter made a move. He set down the teapot and turned away from Leonardo. "You came for my blessing, Leonardo, but I can not give it to you."

Leo stopped breathing and his heart cracked. He blinked a few times then opened his mouth to say something more but Splinter began talking again.

"If you wish to continue this behavior, so be it. But I will not accept it here."

Leo could feel his expression harden now. "Are you saying...that you're throwing us out if we continue?"

Splinter's tail began to flick behind him then curled around himself. He still did not turn to look at him again. "I said what I meant, Leonardo. If you go against my wishes, you must leave with your brothers."

Leo swallowed a hard lump that just wouldn't go down. He backed up and pushed aside the beads, leaving Splinter's area. He felt hazy and stumbled twice on his way down the tunnels. His mind was reeling in confusion. He felt rejected, disowned, betrayed...by his own father. How could he say something like that? How could he just abandon them! They just wanted to be happy! How could he—!

"Leo?"

Leo gasped for air and came off startled as he blinked into focus. He saw Donnie standing in front of him. He looked wet and was carrying his clothing in one arm while his other hand touched Leo's chest.

Donnie had just been on his way toward his room when he saw Leo walking like some sort of zombie. This frightened Donnie because he knew where Leo had just come from. Once he was able to bring Leo back to reality, he asked him what was wrong.

Leo stared for a moment, looking over Donnie with pain.

"Did you speak with Splinter?" Donnie looked like he was going to cry. "Did he said no?" Donnie shook his head. "I shouldn't be surprised but..." He pulled from Leo to cover his face with his hands. His clothing and accessories dropped to the floor by his feet.

Leo opened his mouth to answer. "He said..." Leo hesitated and watched Donnie lower his hands to stare at Leo with fear. "He said—"

"Oh god...he hates us. I shouldn't have made you tell him!" Donnie covered his face again with his hands. "I'll never be able to look at him the same! I can never—"

Leo took hold of Donnie's wrists and pulled his hands from his face. He looked into his brother's eyes then he leaned down, kissing his lips softly.

Donnie pulled back quickly but looked hopeful. "What was that?" He asked, confused.

Leo once again said nothing. He leaned down and he kissed Donnie's lips once more, feeling his brother relax from it. He let go of Donnie's wrists to lock his arms around his brother in an embrace.

Donnie rested his hands onto Leo's shoulders and he kissed back gently. He pulled a breath away and whispered, "Leo, tell me, please. What did he say?"

"Yes." Leo finally answered. "He said yes..." Another crack rooted into Leo's heart.


	35. Chapter 35

Soon after Leonardo left his room, Splinter's broken tail rested onto the floor and his ears flattened. "Leo..." He sighed, turning around to face an empty room. "I'm sorry, my son."

Splinter was not a fool but he had been blind to just how severe the trauma has rooted itself amongst his sons. He had only seen what his sons allowed him to see; Raphael's uncontrollable anger, Donatello's distance, Michelangelo's denial, Leonardo's repression...those problems in themselves were enough to break Splinter's heart but now he's learned of a deeper trauma.

He walked to the center of his room and sat down.

However, Splinter knew one thing about how to help his son's deal with this new problem. It was up to his sons to decide for themselves if this is what they really wanted. Splinter could not make that choice for them. That was part of the reason why he didn't give his blessing to Leonardo. With his blessing, they might continue on without thinking of the consequences. He hoped that, by refusing his blessing, his sons would be able to discover for themselves if this is what they wanted through meditation and deep soul searching.

Splinter knew the day would come when his sons would want to find mates but only a small part of himself—a part that he tried to not pay attention to—told him that they would find mates among themselves. When Donnie was just a young turtle, he had opened Splinter's eyes to that possible outcome by having a crush on Raphael. But he never assumed they would be content with sharing each other in the way Leo described.

Splinter's ear twitched at the thought of such a thing. Being a father was hard. There were things he _had_ to know that he did not _want_ to know. Did any of this change how he felt about his sons? No. Never. He loved them with his life.

It was hard to deny Leonardo his blessing but he had to stick by it. However, the decision to have his son's leave was not related to the mating topic even if he had it appear to be so. Leonardo was right about it being too dangerous to stay but Splinter wasn't going anywhere. By denying Leo his blessing and giving him the option to leave if he must continue, then Leo and his other sons would leave this dangerous place...hopefully just until things cleared up around here.

And maybe one day Leo would forgive him for his deceit...He loved his son's very much and would always be proud of them. He prayed that Leo understood this.

He took in a deep relaxing breath and was able to clear his mind with one though; _this is the best I can do for my sons given the situation_. They may hate him for it now but he liked to think that other parents out there would make a similar choice to protect their offspring.

All he could do now was wait and hope that he did not make a mistake.

* * *

Leo walked with Donnie down the tunnels. Donnie held onto Leo's arm with a peaceful smile that Leo exchanged only when Donnie was looking at him. His hands were shaking but whenever Donnie asked about it he told him that his nerves were still jumpy from his conversation with Splinter.

"Well, it was incredibly brave of you to talk with him. I don't think I'd be able to say anything at all." Donnie praised, resting his head against Leo's shoulder.

They soon walked into Leo's room and Leo paused, looking down at the floor. "Donnie...Now that you have his blessing," Leo paused and suffered an internal battle with himself. He struggled with telling Donnie the truth but he was stubborn with his plan. "you can decide for yourself if this is what you truly want. With no fear of being rejected by anyone...what do you want, Donatello?"

_"You,_ obviously." Donnie was still smitten from the release of his troubles and he smiled carefree up to Leo before letting go of his brother's arm and setting his clothing off to the side.

"No, Don. Really think about it, please. Think about it all." Leo shut his door behind him as he said this. He didn't want to play with Donnie's emotions but he had to lie to him about the blessing in order to really find out what Donnie wanted.

"I have, Leo." Donnie's smile was faltering and he walked away from Leo to the center of his brother's room.

"You want to give yourself to us." Leo stated.

"Well, yeah. I want to be apart of what you all are doing." Donnie touched his face—then his arm—then held his hands in front of him, constantly shifting foot to foot in a nervous way. "Should we...do it now?" He asked.

Leo looked over his own hands then rubbed them together thoughtfully as he walked over toward the wall away from Donnie. "You're not just saying it because you have permission from Splinter, right? You'd still want us if he said no?"

Donnie nodded, watching Leo. "Yeah, I would still want this even if he had said no—"

Leo smiled and took in a breath of relief.

"—I just wouldn't do it because I respect our father and his choices."

Leo breath of relief was barely lived. He now let out a deep sigh of regret. "What?"

"If Splinter had said no." Donnie said offhandedly. "I would still love you guys but I don't think it would be a good idea to go against him. He's our dad so it wouldn't feel right. But he said yes and I say yes." Donnie walked over to Leo. "So stop doubting how I feel and...let's start." He rubbed his arm nervously and looked expectantly at Leo.

"Start what?"

"Come on, Man...Don't make me say it out loud, it's still embarrassing." Donnie chuckled but then cocked his head when he saw the confusion all over Leo's face. He sighed and rolled his eyes, blushing. "Sex." He said in a soft voice, looking away.

_"Now?"_

"Why not? Mikey and Raph are...doing it right now. Maybe we can join them...all of us together?" Donnie took a small step back and Leo could practically see the waves of anxiety coming from Donnie's aura.

"I don't think you're ready..."

"I took a shower." Donnie mumbled, offended. "I want this, Leo."

Leo wanted this, too. He wanted it so bad but...Splinter didn't want this and that meant something to Donatello. "...I'm just tired, Don." He answered, feeling like a coward.

"Well,...then we could lay together." Donnie suggested. "You can grab your winter blankets and we can cuddle." He added meekly.

Leo nodded and walked over to his boxes, pulling out one of the blankets he used for winter. He came over and they sat down together.

Donnie began to lay on his side, awkwardly. "I'm not really sure what to do." He admitted.

"You're doing fine...we're just laying together. Don't be so nervous." Leo draped the blanket over Donnie before laying down with him.

Donnie then pulled the blanket up to cover Leo as well and he hesitantly scooted closer until Leo wrapped his arms around him and embraced him. "Can we kiss at least?" Donnie asked, turning his head up to look at Leo.

Leo leaned forward, touching their foreheads. "Do you trust me...?"

Donnie nodded without hesitation.

Leo kissed Donnie softly and felt Donnie return the kiss. He could tell him that Splinter did not give his blessing...but what would happen? Donnie would pull away, he would reject their love...he wouldn't trust him anymore and, by consequence, he wouldn't leave with them. They had to get out of this place not just because Splinter didn't accept their love but because they were sitting ducks here while that monster was still out there. Leo felt that it would be more difficult to get Donnie out of here if he told him that he lied to him.

Then there was the flip side of the coin. If he didn't tell Donnie the truth and kept him believing that Splinter gave them the blessing then Donnie wouldn't be afraid to share his love with them. He'd come with them without being forced...He'd still see Splinter as their loving and caring father who didn't just kick them out for loving each other.

And that's what really sold Leo on his decision. He couldn't bare telling Donnie that their father would rather kick them out than accept their love. Donnie respected Splinter so much. He didn't want their relationship to be damaged. They were leaving Splinter behind and he wanted Donnie and Mikey and Raph to leave Splinter on a good note. Leo would carry their burdens for them. They don't have to know.

"I love you." Leo said in between their kisses.

Donnie smiled. "I love you, too, Leo. Why don't you kiss me with your tongue?" He asked.

"I didn't want to go too fast."

Donnie grinned. "It's okay, I don't mind going fast. I want to see what it's like."

Leo nudged Donnie onto his shell and hovered over him, smiling gently.

"Why aren't you nervous?" Donnie asked, hugging his arms around Leo's neck.

Leo gave Donnie a quick peck on the lips. "I'm nervous...I just don't show it much."

"I know. You hide a lot of things in here." Donnie's hand lowered to Leo's chest, touching where his heart was. "Tell me what's in here." He mused, smiling a little.

"Lots and lots of love." Leo smirked.

Donnie laughed at the cheesiness. "No, tell me a secret, Leo. You're the biggest secret keeper around. Mikey's an open book. It doesn't take much to get Raphael talking. But you keep everything to yourself. That's not fair, Leo, I want to know a secret."

Donnie was right. Leo had a lot of secrets. The question was, which secret could he disclose to Donnie and still keep their relationship intact? Obviously, Splinter's blessing was out of the question.

"I don't have any good secrets." Leo admitted.

"...Then tell me something you've been hiding from us. We already know that you hold a lot of pain inside, Leo." Donnie turned his eyes down to focus on Leo's chest, rubbing the spot right above his heart. "Tell me a secret like that...I trust you, Leo. I want you to trust me, too."

Leo was quiet for a long moment. He searched his mind for something to give to Donnie then closed his eyes and bowed his head, nuzzling his brother.

Donnie thought that maybe Leo wouldn't say anything at all and he would have accepted it for now. But then Leo kissed his cheek and began to talk to him in a low whisper.

"When I was holding onto April in the back of Vern's van..."

Donnie's eyes widened and he moved his arms up to wrap around Leo's neck, afraid of this secret already.

"I kept telling her that she was going to be alright. She wouldn't look at me until Vern pulled up to the hospital and she actually spoke to me."

"Leo." Donnie whimpered, feeling tears burn his eyes. He didn't want to talk about April. It was too soon and too painful. But he listened.

"She was asking me if Mikey was around but...obviously he wasn't. She said it was a pity because she could really use a laugh." Leo's breathing wavered but he managed a sort of chuckle from that. "I told her that I'm not good with jokes and that I'd bring Mikey over to see her soon...Vern opened the back of the van and took her from me after that and that's when she started crying."

Donnie could feel his brother's tears hitting his shoulder as Leo bowed his head.

"She was dying and I couldn't make her smile." Leo pulled back and wiped his eyes.

Donnie sat up a little and he pulled Leo close again. He didn't know what to say at all. He was close to crying himself. "Leo, you made her smile all the time." He said, giving Leo's cheek feathery kisses.

Leo bit his lip to keep from sobbing and he managed to control his crying. He pulled Donnie close to him and buried his face against his neck. "...yeah...yeah, you're right." He said in a stuffy voice then pulled back slowly and stared ahead.

Donnie watched as Leo pushed that secret back where it couldn't come out again and he brushed his fingers against Leo's face. "You don't have to stop...It's okay to cry."

"I know." Leo looked more tired now and sighed, blinking slowly. "I'm just not ready to." He whispered, leaning back into Donnie's hold and nuzzling him lovingly. "The trick with kissing with tongue—" Leo began softly. "—is to not shove it down the other guy's throat."

Even though the heavy mood still lingered, Leo's quick change in subject and added humor made Donnie smile again and relax with his brother's touches. "I bet you learned that the hard way, huh?"

Leo smiled. "Not really. I just cant imagine it feeling good." He chuckled. "I'm not really experienced at this sort of thing either, you know."

"Sometimes I kissed my pillows to see what it would be like."

"Then you clearly have more practice than I do." Leo gave Donnie another kiss then felt Donnie's lips part. He accepted the invitation and slipped his tongue in, feeling it run alongside Donnie's tongue.

Donnie moaned, eliciting a churr from Leo, then playfully darted his own tongue into Leo's mouth. It was a strange sensation but the foreplay itself outdid all of the solo foreplay Donnie experimented with on himself. It was hard to talk at all during the kiss but there was nothing to say. Moans were exchanged and churrs filled the room.

The heavy mood left them for now...

* * *

**So this chapter had two different views xD Splinter's and Leo's.**

**Who do you think did the right thing? Or are they both in the wrong?**

**Splinter refusing to give his blessing in order for his son's to find their own way?**

**Or Leo refusing to tell Donnie so that he could find out if it was what Donnie really wanted or not? lol**

**I hope that I explained it a lot better in the story than in this summed up question xD But I'd really like to know your thoughts ;D**


	36. Chapter 36

"Oh God, Donnie..." He thrusted hard into his brother's hand. "God, that feels good—hey, you're squeezin' too tight—"

_Smack_!

Raphael shook his head from the smack and he looked to Mikey, confused. "What the fuck was that for?"

"Did you seriously just say Donnie's name while getting it on with me?" Mikey asked as he continued to give Raphael a slow tight jerk with his right hand.

Raphael blushed but couldn't recall his mistake. "Uh..." He swallowed and shook his head. "I don't remember."

"Serious rule breaker, dude." Mikey surprisingly didn't look very upset about it though. He was smirking and looking at Raphael with a lustful gaze. "So much for Mr. Romance sticking around, huh."

"It was an accident." Raphael sighed in relief as Mikey loosened his grip on his cock but the pace was kept with agonizingly slow strokes.

"An accident, _sure."_ Mikey chuckled then watched himself thumb at Raphael's erection. "Oh, _Leo,_ you have such a big cock."

"Hey." Raphael narrowed his eyes. "Mine was an accident; you can't do that shit on purpose."

Mikey let go of his brother and rolled onto his shell, pulling Raphael on top of him. "I'm just having fun." He shrugged with a carefree smile and raised his knees up so that Raphael was laying between his legs. "I don't want you to forget who you're fucking here."

"As if I could really forget." Raphael hovered over Mikey and stared back at him, suddenly becoming lost in what to do. They stayed in that position for thirty seconds, waiting for someone to make the next move.

Mikey swayed his hips slightly, blushing hard. "Don't start freaking out now, dude." He said in a soft voice.

"I'm not." However Raphael's tone was unsure.

"Then why aren't you blinking?" Mikey poked Raphael cheek.

Raphael pulled back his head. "Shut up, Mikey." He sighed and looked over his younger brother's face. "It's just...hard not to think about what happened before."

"I know but I don't want you to stop. It's okay now because we both want this." Mikey gave Raphael's cheek a gentle stroke before resting his hands onto his shoulders and swaying his hips again. "I really do want this, Raph."

"Then how about _you_ top again."

"No, Raph. I want _you_ to top."

"Why? You like topping don't you?"

"I don't want you to be afraid of this."

Raphael looked back down and noticed he wasn't as hard as he was a few minutes ago. This was seriously messing with his mind and it was embarrassing. "I really don't think I can, Mikey."

Mikey followed Raphael's eyes and slumped in defeat. "Would it help if you called me Donnie again?" He joked.

"I told you that was an accident." Raphael growled, looking back up at Mikey. "I saw him in the showers and we talked about some stuff. I didn't mean to say his name."

"What did you talk about?"

"That's not important right now." Raphael moved to get off of Mikey but Mikey pulled Raphael back on top.

"Don't give up, please." Mikey whined.

"I'm not going to be able to fuck you if I can't even get it up, Mike."

"It's all that mind over body bullcrap that Splinter talks about in our lessons, right? That's what it is. Clear your mind, Raph. I can help you." Mikey reached down and began to stroke Raphael again. "Don't think about that room. Think about how much we love each other."

"I'd rather you be on top." Raphael repeated in a grunt. He arched in response to Mikey's strokes and tucked his face against Mikey's neck. "It's not going to work, Mike. I'm out of the mood so just give it up. I can't stop thinking about that room."

Mikey stopped stroking when he realized that it wasn't working as great as he planned. He let go of Raphael and he kissed his cheek. "Would it help if I told you how much I really want you inside of me?"

"No.."

Mikey kissed his cheek again then sighed. "Stubborn. Alright, I'll be on top." Mikey gently nudged Raphael off then smirked and rolled over, straddling him. "Ha! Now you can't stop me." He grinned.

"From what?" Raphael held Mikey's hips.

"From forcing you inside of me." He made an excellent villain's laugh then yelped when Raphael knocked him off. "Aw, Raph." Mikey whined, curling up against his brother's side and nuzzling his shoulder. "I was just joking."

Raphael stared up at the ceiling and he took in a deep breath then let it out slowly. "I know, Mikey." He wasn't mad at Mikey, he was just feeling distant and unsure of himself.

"I bet you'd do it with Donnie." He pouted.

"Doesn't matter which one of you guys I try to sleep with, it'll turn out the same." Raphael said. Mikey still pouted and Raphael looked over and snorted. "You've never won us over with those big puppy dog eyes."

"Sometimes it works."

"Yeah then you do something stupid like—"

"—shake up all the Orange Crush sodas." Mikey grinned again.

Raphael answered with a smile and so Mikey nuzzled Raphael's arm once more as they went into another quiet moment. Mikey moved to lay his head against Raphael's plastron and felt his chest expand and detract from a large sigh.

"...I know all of this is new and awesome," Raphael began slowly.

"The sex?" Mikey smiled again. "Yeah, it's very awesome." He rubbed his hand against Raphael's plastron and churred.

"Yeah. And I know it helps you cope with what happened but it's not how I cope."

"You cope by smashing things." Mikey curled up closer against Raphael's side.

"How many times have you had sex with Leo besides when I watched you two in his bedroom." Raph asked.

"We've done stuff but...we haven't gone all the way except that one time. We exchanged Bjs and we both went inside of you." He smiled warily. "Did that feel good?"

"A little..."

Mikey frowned. "I don't want you to use us to hurt you. It doesn't make things fair, Raph."

"Do you want to play a video game?" He asked, changing the subject.

Mikey continued to rub Raphael's stomach. "No. Laying here with you is nice. Besides you always ask to play videogames when we talk deep like this."

"Maybe you should take the hint." he smirked.

"You talk to Leo about stuff. Why not me?"

"Leo practically forces me to talk about things...he thinks it's good to get things off the chest and brags about being such a great listener."

"Then you two fight the whole day."

"Because I don't need to talk it out. He doesn't give me a chance to figure things out before he wants me to start opening up to him."

Mikey climbed back on top of Raphael and crossed his arms over his plastron so to rest his chin down. "He cares."

"I know."

"I care, too."

"I know."

Mikey smiled as Raphael reached up and stroked his head.

"Let's just not talk for a bit."

Mikey frowned again, thinking everything had been going so well and now it was crap again. "Okay." he sighed.

Raphael continued to stroke Mikey's head then looked back at the ceiling, growing distant once more.

Mikey uncrossed his arms and hugged Raphael. He turned his head and listened to his brother's slow and steady heartbeat.


	37. Chapter 37

_Why was it so dark?_

_Leo couldn't see anything but he felt something awful. He was terrified and weak._

_In the distance, he could hear the hum of a man's voice; he couldn't make out the words but he recognized the voice all the same. It was the man from over the speakers._

_The voice suddenly became loud and turned into a sinister laugh._

"_Leo! Are you there!"_

_Donnie?...He couldn't find out where his brother's voice was coming from._

"_Leo, help me!"_

_He could hear Mikey now and the sound of footsteps running past him from behind._

_But everything was still so dark._

_Suddenly he saw an image. He saw Raphael lying on the ground—his shell broken into bits and blood pooling around his head._

"_I can't get up, Leo..." His mouth moved crookedly as he spoke then the image disappeared and a multitude of flashes appeared one after another; Mikey hung, Mikey raped, Donnie suffocating, Raphael crying, Donnie chained, Raph vomiting blood, Donnie screaming-Mikey screaming-Raphael screaming—_

Leo woke up with a gasp. He held his breath then let it out slowly when he realized he had been dreaming.

Pressing his palm against his forehead, Leo bent forward and winced. The disturbed nightmare had given him a harsh headache.

"Leo?" Donnie muttered behind him. Leo looked over his shoulder to see his brother reach out tiredly with closed eyes, searching the sheets for him. "What's going on?" He asked.

"Hey..." Leo answered with a hoarse voice. He captured Donnie's reaching hand and brought it up to give it a kiss. He watched Donnie's eyes open a little from this act so Leo mustered up a small smile for him.

Donnie's eyes were heavy and every blink was a challenge to them open again. "Lay down..." He tried tugging on Leo's hand but Leo kissed it again and placed Donnie's hand back to the floor.

"I'm going to get a drink first." He turned around to face Donnie complete and he leaned down, kissing Donnie's temple. "I'll come back."

When he pulled back, Donnie's eyes were closed again and his breathing was even once more as he fell back into a deep sleep.

Leo pulled away from Donnie's sleeping form and walked through lair. He met up with Mikey and Raphael who were playing video games.

"Hey." Leo muttered, walking up behind the couch to watch.

"Don't distract me." Raphael growled.

At first Leo thought he meant him but then he heard Mikey laugh as he tried playing footsie during the game.

"Who's winning?"

"I am." Mikey grinned, knocking Raphael's character down again. "He blames it on me but it's just hard for him to admit that he sucks."

Raphael jerked the controller in his hands, unintentionally yanking the cord out of the game station. The game paused from the interruption and Mikey huffed, sitting up onto his knees. "Don't take it out on my baby, Raphael. She's fragile." He snatched the controller from Raphael's hand and played along with his joke by cooing to the thing.

Leo watched with mild interest as Raphael tightened his fists but wasn't engaging any further into the possible fight. "You tired?" He assumed, reaching out and resting his hand onto Raphael's head. "How long have you guys been awake?"

Raphael jerked his head aside and Leo's hand dropped to his shoulder instead. "Where's Donnie?"

"Still asleep."

"Hey, Leo, let's get some pizza later?" Mikey leaned back against the arm rest, handing Raphael's controller to him.

"Maybe. You guys barely touched the pizza I got for you guys a few days ago." Leo walked around the couch and took the controller. "You think it's easy getting pizza on a usual days, try getting a hold of pizza with criminals running around every corner."

"It's still bad?" Raphael asked.

"It's only been a few days, Raph." Leo plugged the controller back in and sat down beside Mikey. "We really need to leave this place. It isn't safe here."

"No way." Raphael crossed his arms. "This is our home."

"Yeah, everyone we know lives around here." Mikey scooted over to give Leo more room to sit and he snuggled into Raph's side.

"Vern's going to sell us out." Leo looked down at his controller. "I'm not giving you a choice to stay or go. I'm telling you that we're leaving."

"Of course it's not a choice. Once I disagree with you, it suddenly isn't a choice anymore. No voting, no democracy. This is a fucking dictatorship." Raphael growled.

"It's safer to leave." Leo scowled. "If you care about our safety at all then—"

"—You know I fucking care about our safety." Raphael stood up and tightened his fists and Leo joined him, tossing the controller back onto the couch. "Don't you dare fucking make me out as the bad guy, you passive aggressive douche bag."

"We're safe here, Leo." Mikey took his controller again and slumped back. "Donnie's got this place jacked up with security."

"Hasn't stopped people from breaking in before." Leo answered, still staring off with Raphael. "You guys are in no condition to fight. Do you want to get caught again? You know how easy it was the first time."

"It wont happen again." Raph seethed.

"Are you going to bet our fucking lives on it? Because that's what you would be doing." Leo spat. "I'm the leader here."

"Stop playing that card!" Raphael shouted. "He may have chosen you to lead us but that doesn't mean I agreed for you to take over my fucking life!"

"Stop yelling, Raphael!" Mikey pushed his foot against Raph's thigh to get his attention. "He's worried about us. And he made a good point...we're not in any condition to start fighting again."

"You're a goddamn ninja." Raphael pushed Mikey's foot away. "We're trained to fight. We only lost fucking once. Why let it stop us!?"

"A lot was taken from us during that battle."

"If you can even all it a battle." Mikey muttered, looking down at his controller. "We got kidnapped almost instantly and we hardly got a chance to fight back."

"I fought back." Raphael took a step toward Leo. "And I can do it again. Let them fucking come, I'll tear right through them."

"_What are you guy's talking about?_"

The three brothers turned to see Donnie who was coming over with the same tired expression Leo put to sleep just moment before.

"Who's coming?" He asked, trying to blink away the sleepies in his eyes.

"No one's coming." Leo walked over and he held Donnie's tired face in his hands, kissing him softly. "Why are you up? You look like you're going to pass out."

"You were taking too long. It's hard to sleep alone." Donnie closed his eyes and rested against Leo's touch. "What are you guys arguing about?"

"Leo wants us to leave." Mikey got up from the couch.

Donnie looked up to Leo. "Why?"

"It isn't safe here."

"Safer here than up there." Raphael scoffed, crossing his arms.

"If Vern's our big problem right now, let me talk with him." Mikey suggested. "Maybe he just needs a bro-bro talk, you know."

"How about I break his windpipe before he gets the chance to tell anyone." Raphael threatened.

"Where would we go, Leo?" Donnie asked.

"Anywhere but here." Leo answered with a mumble. He looked over his shoulder to Mikey. "Mike, take Donnie back to bed. He's tired."

Mikey set his controller down and came over. "You feeling okay, bro?" He asked Donnie as he linked an arm around him and led him toward his bedroom.

"Don't try anything funny. Just get some sleep." Leo warned as they walked out of sight without a response. He turned back to Raphael then rubbed his hand over his face, exhausted. "I know you don't like the idea but it's the only one we have."

"It isn't the only one we have. It's fucking cowardly. We can still fight."

"Trust me, Raph. I want revenge, too, but-" Leo shook his head then walked over and pulled Raphael into a kiss.

Raphael growled but continued the kiss. He didn't like Leo thinking he could change his mind this way. He wasn't going to give in over a kiss.

After the kiss, Leo hugged his arms around Raphael's neck and sighed. "Do you like being with us like this? Romantically."

"Don't threaten me, Leo." Raphael scowled.

"I'm not threatening you. I'm asking, do you like it?"

Raphael narrowed his eyes and placed his hands on Leo's waist, thinking deeply before answering. "...yeah. You're a mother fucking pain in the ass but I love you all the same. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

Leo hugged tighter onto Raphael and looked away. "Splinter doesn't accept us."

Raphael's expression dropped from annoyed to surprised then back to annoyed. "Figures. You shouldn't have told him."

"Donnie wanted peace of mind."

"Yeah, well how's he feel now that—" Raphael hesitated then shook his head. "You didn't tell him." He knew by the way Leo had kissed Donnie just moment before. "Splinter didn't give his blessing and you freakin' lied to Donnie."

"I didn't sleep with him though. It felt so wrong. I told him Splinter said yes because I wanted Donnie to figure out for himself if he really wanted this or not. I didn't want him to be worried about what Sensei would think."

"And what did Donnie want?"

"He wants us...but he doesn't want to do anything behind Splinter's back." Leo rested his head against Raphael's shoulder. "I feel bad for lying but I had to know how Donnie really felt about us...Splinter said if we continued this behavior then we're no longer welcome here."

Raphael gasped at this and pushed Leo back to look at him more clearly.

"That's another reason why we can't stay." Leo looked dejected but was trying to get Raphael to understand where he was coming from.

"...So you ratted us out to Sensei...lied to Donnie...and got us kicked out of our home?"

"If you don't want to have a relationship with us then you're welcome to stay here but I can't stay...I love you guys too much. And if you all decided to stay here I couldn't stick around with these feelings. I'd have to leave. I wouldn't be happy here anymore, Raphael."

Raphael stared at Leo for the longest time. He wanted until Leo lost the staring contest before he pulled his oldest brother into his arms. "What about Donnie?"

"...I was hoping to keep it from him for good...Mikey, too. They hold so much respect and love for Sensei. I don't want that to change."

"Did it change for you?"

"I still love him but...it's still different now that I know how he feels."

Raphael had to agree. He closed his eyes and bowed his head, thinking it over for a moment. "...I guess...we really don't have a choice."


	38. Chapter 38

"We can't leave without Splinter." Mikey said, laying on his mattress with Donnie.

Raphael had walked in to see Mikey stroking Donnie's shell as Donnie slept. He had Mikey wake up Donnie for this and explained to them that they were going to be leaving and that it would only be the four of them. Mikey clearly wasn't very excited about the plan. Donnie was still waking up and Raphael wondered if he even understood English at this point.

"That just doesn't make sense." Mikey continued. "Why _wouldn't_ he come with us?"

"How the fuck should I know? Leo knows, ask him when he gets back." Raphael answered, coming over to the bed. He moved Mikey aside to lay down with them.

"Where did he go?" Donnie mumbled, moving with Mikey to give Raph room.

"To talk with Vern."

"A bro-to-bro talk? Awesome." Mikey smiled. "That was my idea."

"I still think a good pounding would have been better. But Leo thinks he can try and reason with him."

"Vern's a good guy." Donnie snuggled up against Mikey. "He wouldn't intentionally put us into danger. He was always there to help us...just like April."

"Yeah, sure. And, just like April, we put them both in danger. Vern's not going to hesitate doing the same for us. Payback's a bitch."

Donnie sighed, closing his eyes again. "I'm so tired."

"Then go back to sleep." Mikey reached up and once again began to pet Donnie's shell. "We're not deciding anything right now."

"Wake me when Leo's home."

"Okay." Mikey smiled, watching Donnie fall back to sleep. Then his smile slipped away and he sighed. "Is everything going to be okay, Raphael?"

Raphael shrugged then turned on his side, placing a hand onto Mikey's hip as he spooned him. "Eventually. Let's just hope that Leo knows what he's doing."

* * *

Leo crouched outside of Vern's livingroom window on the fire escape. It was dusk and he practically stood out like a sore thumb. Luckily, not too many people were walking through this alleyway between apartments. But if someone from the apartments in the opposite building were to look out their window, he wouldn't have much time to hide.

Checking the window, he was disappointed to find it was locked. Vern was home, he knew that much, but he had hoped to sneak in before getting his attention. Right now he was a sitting duck and the chances of Vern actually letting him inside were slim to none.

Still, he had to try.

He tapped the window, trying to get a glimpse through the curtains inside.

Immediately there was movement.

The curtains pulled aside and Vern stood there looking shocked and then suddenly very angry.

Leo looked away from the expression and heard Vern unlock the window and lift it up only an inch.

"Lucky me. I was just about to call the cops about some suspicious activity coming from the sewers. Guess I can just call in a stalker alert instead. What the hell do you want?" Vern's threatening tone matched that of Raphael's.

"I want to talk." Leo looked back up to Vern with desperation. "Can we just talk, please?"

"Talk about what? I bet you already know that's she's gone, huh. Because of you guys, we just lost a great reporter—I just lost a friend—and you want to talk to save your own skin, is that right?"

Leo kept his eye contact but it was soft. "She was our friend too, Vern. Any one of us would have traded our lives for her. She gave us life and—"

"You repaid her by taking hers."

"...Can we talk about this inside, please?"

Vern narrowed his eyes before walking away from the ajar window, giving Leo a chance to come in and speak.

Leo opened the window the rest of the way and climbed in. "Were you, uh, there when she died—"

"—You've got ten minutes to talk so make it count. After that, I'll call the cops on you and your mutant friends."

"Alright...then, I'll get right to the point."

"That would be best." Vern turned around and crossed his arms over his chest, waiting.

"What happened to April...it was devastating for my brother's and I." Leo dropped his head as he spoke. "What happened to us in that room...the nightmares don't end for us. I just need you to understand one thing, Vernon."

"And what's that?" Vern quipped, seeming to get angier as the seconds ticked by.

"Yes, we're mutated turtles—"

Vern scoffed but Leo continued.

"—but we're just teenagers, Vern." Leo never thought—or wanted—to ever play this card. But it was a truth that they all had to understand right now.

"That's funny coming from you; a six foot tall mutant. You're not kids. You're animals."

"Maybe so...But we're young. Sure, we've dealt with our fair share of battles. We're endured a lot more than normal teens have to go through. We may be young but we can handle a lot." He assured that much. "We were trained to handle it. Only this time, it's gone too far. My brothers and I have never been prepared for a situation like this."

"You guys put yourselves into things like this on your own accord."

Leo wasn't sure what upset him the most, feeling like he had to pander to Vern to get what he wanted or Vern's stubbornness to see what he was saying. "It's not even about our age. We were raped in that room."

Vern's expression didn't change at first but then it wavered and he pulled back like he was looking at something distant. He blinked back into focus and shook his head. "What do you mean by that?"

"I'm not going into detail, if that's what you mean. You lost your friend, Vern, and I'm not belittling that loss. But we lost a friend, too, and my brother's lost their way. My brother's are strong but you've seen it all, haven't you, Vern? You know what rape can do to people. Please, Vern. I'm not just asking for you to keep our secret. I'm asking for your help to get my brothers out of this place...And you don't have to do it for us. You can do it for April." That also seemed like a necessary card to play; Vern would do anything for April.

Vern was still quiet but his scowl was ebbing away. "What do you mean by that? How does that—How can that—?" He stopped himself from asking too much then shook his head and uncrossed his arms, running his fingers back through his hair. Vern then looked over Leo to judge for himself. He saw that, since Leo had come into his home, he had been crouching the whole time, not standing at full height. He almost looked like he was trying to make himself appear small regardless of his large size. It wasn't a normal position for Leonardo, leader of the Ninja Turtles, to take. "So, what you're saying is that you want me to get you and your brothers out of NYC?"

Leo nodded.

"Are you ever coming back?"

Leo opened his mouth to speak then shut it again and looked away. "I don't know."

"And you still expect me to keep your secret?"

Leo hesitated then spoke in a soft voice. "Please."

Vern narrowed his eyes again and crossed his arms over his chest once more. "I'll tell you what. I'm not going to call the cops today. But give me a few days to think about this. You should count yourself lucky that I'm even doing that."

Leo nodded and continued to stare at the floor.

"Well, meet up in a few days and I want all of your brother's with you. I'll either have a way out for you guys or the cops will be coming for you."

"I'd rather come alone then—"

"All of you or I'll just call the cops anyway. I'm a camera man, Leo. I've got footage."

"...Should we meet up here at dark?" Leo asked, looking back up to Vern and wondering if he could really trust him. April was trustworthy for sure but without her around, Leo didn't know how to handle Vern.

"No. Her funeral is this Sunday. We'll talk afterward at Three."

"...Where is it?"

"We'll talk here at my apartment. I don't want you mutants anywhere near her funeral site."

Leo was offended by that. It shouldn't have been Vern's choice to whether they should observe her burial. It would be nice to know where she is buried. But, then again, it would be impossible to attend without getting noticed. "Okay..."

"Now get out of here before I change my mind and call up every news reporter within a fifty mile radius."

"Thank you..." It didn't feel right thanking him but he was in no position to turn down any help offered. He bowed slightly before heading back out the way he came.

"And I mean what I say, Leo. I don't want to see any of you around her funeral. If I do, this whole deal is off."

Leo opened his mouth to speak up and say something about it but then stopped himself and closed his mouth, giving a curt nod. He left without a word to Vern but as he descended the fire escape _'Prick'_ and _'Bastard'_ were uttered frequently.

His guard was high as always when walking through the city. He heard a box fall off of a trash can and quickly pushed himself up against the side of the apartment building beside a dumpster. After hearing a low hiss, he looked around and sighed in relief to see it was just a cat.

The rest of the way home he had similar moments like that but, once noticing that it was nothing to be alarmed over, he chalked it all up to being highly paranoid. Ninja's weren't paranoid, they were prepared. But why shouldn't he be a little paranoid? After what he had been through with his brothers, he thought it was pretty fucking acceptable behavior.

As he went down into the sewers, he was still on edge; Even home didn't feel safe anymore.

* * *

He watched with interest. A turtle, out here lurking about right in front of him...what were the odds? Ten smiled crookedly as he stepped closer, watching the turtle descend from the fire escape. He grinned but then quickly stepped back when a cat jumped out of the box beside of him, knocking it over.

He saw Leo take notice of this as well and was glad to be invisible at the moment. It took a lot of energy to become invisible and he was already exhausted. But if he could follow Leo to his hide out...it would be worth it.

Ten kicked the cat and began to follow Leo again, already creeping into his turtle's thoughts. _I'm right behind you, Turtle...You'll never escape me._

* * *

**Sorry for the late update, Had to deal with Mid terms and stuff like that lol**

**But here's the next chapter finally ;D lol**


	39. Chapter 39

Leo came into Mikey's bedroom and saw his brothers lying together on the mattress.

Mikey was smushed between Donnie and Raphael, however, Mikey didn't seem uncomfortable at all. He smiled when Leo came in and stretched his toes, snuggling between his two sleeping brothers. "How did the talk with Vern go?" He asked.

Leo walked to the side of the bed and began to pet Raphael's shell, paying close attention to the cracks. "I'm not sure yet...Did Raphael tell you the plan?"

"Yeah...but why are we leaving Sensei behind? We should all stay together, Leo. It's just not right to split up."

"Splinter wants to stay behind." Leo sighed. "You know we'll be safer off somewhere else."

"This is our home, Leo."

Leo leaned over Raphael and kissed Mikey's forehead. "It's better this way. Splinter's going to watch the lair and keep an eye on the city. We're not ready to fight, Mikey. He's giving us a chance to go somewhere safe and heal our wounds." Leo liked to believe that that was the real reason behind everything.

Mikey still seemed upset but sighed regardless and nodded. "I guess you guys always know what's best. Donnie wanted me to wake him up when you got home."

"Let him sleep. He needs it." Leo walked around the bed to the other side where Donnie was sleeping against Mikey. "You should sleep, too. When we wake up we'll talk through the plan more." He climbed into bed and cuddled up against Donnie, wrapping an arm around him until a soft churring came from his nerdy brother.

"I think the first thing we should do is put Donnie through initiation when we wake." Mikey smirked.

"Donnie needs to be eased into something like this, Mike. Don't push him too fast. Let him go by his own pace."

"A little push doesn't hurt anything—"

"You heard Leo, Mike." Raphael growled out.

Mikey turned his head to his hotheaded brother and touched their snouts together, waiting for Raphael to open his eyes.

Raph opened them tiredly then blinked when Mikey gave him a quick kiss. "It's weird to see you agree with Leo." He smiled.

"Don't get use to it."

"Too late." Leo smirked and sat up, reaching across Mikey to grab hold of Raphael's hand. He laid back down, pulling Raphael's hand to meet him halfway.

Mikey continued to steal kisses away from Raphael who was trying to get back to sleep while Leo rubbed his thumb against Raph's hand and nuzzled the back of Donnie's neck.

"This is exactly what I want." Mikey murmured through kisses. "For us all to fall asleep together in the same bed. Just like when we were kids."

"Yeah, it's a fucking dream come true." Raphael murmured. "Now are you gonna let me actually sleep or do I have to persuade you with my fist."

Mikey laughed and nuzzled Raphael, churring. "Depends on what you're going to do with that fist."

Raphael smiled as well and gave Mikey a gentle headbutt. "Shut up." He chuckled, giving Mikey a quick kiss before tucking his face against Mikey's neck and trying to sleep again.

Mikey's churring matched Donnie's and Leo's eyes slipped closed from the sound. He let his troubles fall back for now and just enjoyed the moment with his brothers as he fell asleep.

* * *

The next morning, Leo woke up on his shell with Donnie sleeping on top of him. He could hearing Mikey muttering beside him and turned his head to see Mikey on top of Raphael, holding his brother's face and kissing him in-between sweet words.

Raphael's eyes were closed but he was smiling and mumbling words back to Mikey, seeming to enjoy the close contact.

Leo looked up to the ceiling, feeling heavy from just waking. He grunted as he sat up with Donnie, gently pushing him to lay by his side.

Mikey looked over when Leo sat up but Raphael turned his head back to continue their kisses.

Something just didn't feel right with Leo.

He got out of bed and left his brothers to get something to drink. On the way, he felt nothing; which was the weird part. He knew he should be feeling something; the anxiety of bumping into Splinter after their conversation the other day, stress from his encounter with Vern, depression from the news of April's death, fear from the constant battle of nightmares. But there was no anxiety, fear, depression...and no nightmares popping up—that in itself put Leo at an unusual ease.

"I just need to see Vern." He said out loud, rubbing his head. "Once I know what the plan is going to be...once I can figure out if he's going to help us or not..." He stopped himself and shook his head.

_Help you from what?_

"We've got to get out of this place."

_Where are you going to go?_

"...I don't know." Leo sighed and opened the fridge, not realizing he was already standing in front of it. He pulled out a water bottle and stared at it for the longest time.

_It's not going to work. You'll never leave._

Leo's bowed his head and sighed deeply. "But I have to try to save them. I have to _try."_ He closed the fridge and turned to walk away but stopped suddenly and gripped the water bottle as a painful memory of Raphael forcing himself inside of him began to ebb itself into Leo's mind.

Leo dropped the bottle and he brought his hands up, clutching his head. "Stop...Stop thinking about it."

* * *

Ten watched with Leo with aggravation. Leo was the turtle that knew the most and was the hardest to chip away at. Well, the important thing was that he knew where their hideout was.

He had to get to Shredder before this so called plan of their was set into motion. Shredder may want the turtles gone but he wanted to play some more. He didn't want his turtles to leave.

It was a risky idea but...maybe he could convince Shredder to accept his new plan. And if Shredder didn't like it, maybe he could use manipulation. The risk was great though. If caught in the act, it would cost him his life.

Leaving the lair for now, Ten headed out into the streets to bring his master the news.

* * *

**Sorry that I update slow now!**

**But I do still love this story and write a little bit everyday.**

**It's just the end of term at college so...blah! But I'm still writing this story lol**

**I'm just afraid of my chapters getting crappy if I try to rush my chapters lol I didn't rush them before but i had more time to post them sooner xD lol Now i have less time.**

**Don't worry, my lovies, this semester is almost over lol This chapter is short but i wanted to post it to get you guys to know that i'm still here and writing! lol **

**Next chapter will be longer and a LOT is going down ;D**


	40. Chapter 40

Leo and his brothers had just arrived at Vern's apartment and Leo's nerves were twisting his insides into knots. The only presumably hopeful thing that Leo could grasp at was the fact that the window to Vern's livingroom was left unlocked.

It was three in the afternoon and there was no sign of Vern so all they could do now was wait.

"Who the fuck does he think he even is?" Raphael was pacing in front of the plasma screen after just being told by Leo that they were waiting for Vern to get back from April's funeral. It infuriated Raphael just as much as it had offended Leo to know they couldn't be there for her burial—of course Raphael didn't repress feelings very well as Leo did.

Leo stared at the apartment door but gave a brief nod toward his brother while holding up his hand slightly to quiet him. "Calm down, Raph."

"Why did you wait until now to tell us her funeral was today anyways? He has no fucking right to keep us from seeing her." Raphael continued as he came over to Leo and push his hand aside.

Leo turned his head slightly toward Raph but his attention was still on the door. "First of all, I didn't want you to screw this up by going against the plan. I know you, Raph. You would have gone to her funeral just to spite him." Leo muttered.

Raphael growled and shoved Leo's shoulder, getting his full attention now.

"Second," Leo continued, staring at him now. "You're a six foot tall turtle. You don't exactly blend in anywhere; especially in a funeral setting."

"That's not the point." Raphael snapped back.

"Her funeral isn't important right now, Raphael—"

"She was our friend!" Raphael's tone raised dangerously loud now.

Leo stared for awhile then looked back to the apartment door. His voice stayed quiet. "She was our friend but she's gone now." He stated bluntly. His heart hurt a lot to speak so distantly of her. "My top priority at the moment is to make sure that none of you join her too soon. You are more important right now, Raphael; you and Mikey and Donnie. I can't let anything get in my way from keeping you guys safe."

Raphael tightened his fists but didn't say anything more and Leo continued.

"If it means putting aside my feelings for now, then that's what I'll do...besides, Mikey isn't in any shape for us to even be _talking_ about her death."

At this, Raphael looked over to see Mikey staring out the window while Donnie stood next to him looking at some tech equipment attached to his arm. Leaving Leo's side, Raph walked over and pulled Mikey back from the window, closing the curtains. "Hey dumbass, you want someone to see you?" He remarked.

Mikey sighed and turned to Donnie, leaning against his shell as he watched what he was doing. "Are we going back to the sewer after this?" He asked tiredly. He had a great night sleep with his brothers and even woke up in a great mood with Raphael there to boost it higher...but knowing that they were going to eventually move away for awhile was a hard fact to swallow.

Before an answer was given to Mikey, the lock to the apartment finally clicked and Vern opened the door, stepping inside. He had stiffened when he saw the turtles then scowled and shut the door behind him. "You turtles have a knack for breaking and entering."

"It's three on Sunday, Vern. You promised we would get an answer." Leo was getting straight to the point. He didn't have time to delay and, in all honesty, he was still preparing himself for the outcome of S.W.A.T. members busting through every entrance of this apartment to capture them.

Vern tossed his keys into a dish bowl on the coffee table and scoffed. "Oh, but don't you want to know how the funeral went?" He asked bitterly.

Leo lowered his eyes then looked over his shoulder at his brothers. Donnie was still messing with his gadgets while Raphael was crossing his arms and giving Vern a threatening glare. Mikey was staring back at Leo with a lost look that prompted Leo to continue to push this conversation to an end.

Leo looked back to Vern. "I need an answer. Are you going to help us or not?"

Vern grimaced. His eyes were red and puffy and his funeral outfit still looked stiff like the coat hanger was never removed. "Don't think I didn't want to turn you all in. I still think that would be best but..." He shrugged and his whole body went slack as he slumped onto the couch. "April cared about you four. I really liked her...and I'll respect her wishes. I won't give away your secret. It's what she would have wanted."

Leo now felt relief as his stomach untwisted.

"But as for helping you out of here. That's going to be more complicated. Though I'd love to see you guys on the next flight out of the state, I'm just not sure how to do that without compromising your identity."

"We'll taking anything; Grab a news helicopter even. You have any access to those? How about a cargo ship?" Leo asked, throwing out ideas he's been mulling over for the past few days. He knew getting out would be difficult but he was up for nearly anything.

"I'm not going to risk my job by stealing a fucking News copter...but that cargo ship sounds like a decent idea. I'll look into it. Stay where you are for the moment."

"We're not safe there. I'll be taking my brothers to another part of the city."

"We're not going back to the sewers?" Mikey asked, looking worried as he came over to join the conversation.

"Not now, Mikey." Leo said over his shoulder. He looked back to Vern. "I'll meet up here in a week at your place to see what you've got. I need to get my brothers out of here soon."

"I don't know what I can come up with in a fucking week." Vern stared up at Leo for the longest time then he stood up, walking over to his adjoining kitchen counter. He grabbed a pen and pad by the toaster oven and jotted something down. "We're not meeting up at my place anymore. Next time we'll meet up here." He tore the paper off the pad. "Like I said, I'm not risking my job or even jail time for this so it's too risky for you guys to meet at my place so much."

"Yeah, especially in daylight you fucking prick." Raphael growled.

Vern ignored that with a roll of his eyes and he handed Leo the paper with an address jotted down on it. "Get out of here. I'll meet you there in a weeks time but I don't want to catch sight of you guys until then."

Leo folded up the paper and Donnie came over to his side. He handed the paper to Donnie who slipped it under his electronic wrist band.

"Can we go now?" Mikey asked heading back to the window, itching to leave.

Vern went back over and sat on the couch, staring at the coffee table and ignoring the turtles now.

Leo nodded. "Yeah, come on."

* * *

"No, Leo, I want to go home." Mikey whined as he followed far behind his brothers down an alley. They were moving away from their home in the sewers and he didn't like it. "I didn't even get to say bye to Sensei. We can't just leave now, Leo. What about my video games? What about—"

"Shut it!" Raphael stopped to snap back at Mikey.

Donnie and Leo continued to head through but Mikey now came to a full stop and shook his head, looking like he was going to start crying.

"You fucking heard Leo. It's not safe back there. If you don't want to be a fucking prisoner again then you'll come with us."

"But it's not fair."

"Neither is the shit those fuckers put us through. If you don't want to get caught again then grow a pair and lets go."

"_Don't be an asshole to him."_

Raphael looked ahead again to see Donnie pass him by and head toward Mikey. Leo was waiting at the end of the alley, not looking back.

"We're allowed to be upset." Donnie continued to Raphael as he came up to Mikey and wrapped his arms around him.

"just because he's the youngest, he thinks he can act like a friggen baby." Raphael murmured.

"Please, Mikey. We'll see Sensei again. But he wants us to be safe and find a new hideout. Leo's going to take us somewhere safe." Donnie promised.

"Yeah, then we're going to take the next ship out of the state and live happily ever after." Mikey huffed. "I don't think so. We grew up here, Don. We can't leave. Especially not without Sensei."

"You still have us, Mikey."

"Let's go!" Raphael hissed.

"Everything's going to be okay. Don't be afraid." Donnie cupped Mikey's face and kissed his snout. "You trust Leo, right? He's doing everything he can to make sure that what happened to us wont happen again. I don't want it to happen again, Mikey. So we have to go."

Mikey closed his eyes and nodded but didn't say anything.

Donnie and Mikey started to walk again, close beside each other.

While passing up Raphael, Donnie narrowed his eyes and gave him a warning look that caused Raphael to growl in annoyance.

* * *

Later that night, the buildings were becoming fewer and more trees were coming into view. It was becoming harder to find places to hide behind from the public but the night was their best cover. Once they emerged into the forest, most of them dropped their guard; only Leo was still on high alert.

They were away from the residential area and had crossed a fence awhile back into a nature preserve.

A crack of thunder erupted from the sky and Raphael had to stop. He was standing by a large boulder and could hear a babbling creek in the distance. "Okay, this has to be the worst fucking idea ever." He muttered. He hasn't felt anything but annoyed and angry since they fucking left the sewers. "It's about to storm and we're stuck out in the middle of god knows where."

Leo stopped now as well and blinked as if coming out of a trance. "We're almost there."

"Do you even know where were going anymore?" Raphael snapped. "Is this some creepy cabin in the woods shit that you're taking us to? Ninety percent of the horror movies I've seen start out exactly like this, Leo."

"Are you afraid of one of Mikey zombies stories coming true?" Donnie smirked, tapping at his tech watch.

Leo rested his hand against one of the trees. "It's been awhile since I've been here. April took me down here once."

"What?" Raphael was surprised by this. "When? Why?"

Leo shrugged. "Last year around summer. She thought it would be better for us to get out of the sewers."

Mikey raised his head at this.

"She wanted us to see the world." Leo continued to walk again. "It's not far, you guys." Though it felt a lot farther without April driving him.

"No...no, wait!" Donnie came to an abrupt stop, staring intently at his tech watch and tapping it incessantly. "I'm out of range, Leo. We have to go back." He stated, turning around and walking back the way they came.

Leo continued regardless. "We can't go back."

Donnie stopped, noticing that no one was following him. "But I'm out of range. There's no signal here." Donnie held up his wrist, annoyed. "How am I suppose to keep in touch with Sensei?"

Mikey lit up and Leo stopped now, exchanging a glance with Raphael.

"You're talking with Sensei?" Mikey asked, coming over.

"Well, no. But I'm keeping track of the security alarms. What if something goes wrong? You guys said it yourself, it's not safe there. I need to know that Sensei is okay."

"And what if the alarms do go off? We're a fuckin' million miles away from there. We'd never get back in time, Don." Raphael crossed his arms. "Sensei trained us, you know. He can handle himself. They're not after him anyways."

Donnie and Mikey both gave Raphael a disapproving look.

"Donnie, we can't go back." Leo said, looking up at the sky and noticing the heavy clouds. "It's going to rain soon. Let's get going. We're almost there."

"But I'm out of range—"

"Raphael's right, Donnie. Sensei can take care of himself. Besides, what are you going to do if the alarms go off after we've left the country?"

"Country!?" Mikey shouted. Another bang of thunder sounded and rain followed shortly after. "You never said we would have to leave the country!"

"Yeah, that's kind of crazy, Leo." Raphael agreed with Mikey on this. "Leaving the state is just as good."

Leo was quiet for a moment and decided this wasn't the time to discuss this. "Let's get to the shelter. We'll talk about this once we're out of the rain." Leo turned and began walking again.

Conflicted, Donnie finally lowered his head and followed after Leo. But there was no way he would agree to leave the country. And what did Leo mean about the alarms going off? They would obviously go back to help Splinter, right?

Mikey stared back the way they had come and made a pained whine at the thought of leaving the country and never seeing Sensei again. When he felt a hand on his shoulder he looked up to Raphael and his bottom lip quivered.

"Don't cry, Mikey. We're ninjas, we can handle anything." Raphael said in a tough voice while at the same time trying to comfort him.

"I miss home already..."

"...Yeah, but...we still have each other, Mike. Right?"

Mikey looked back toward the city then nodded and allowed Raphael to turn him back toward Leo and Donnie's path. "Right..."


	41. Chapter 41

They were drenched in rain water by the time they found the shack. Leo had said that one of April's ex boyfriends had taken her here a lot when she was younger. After they split, she still came down here after her ex had moved away. She tried to keep the place up but it was clear that over the years she came less often.

"It didn't look this bad when she brought me here last summer." Leo said as he walked into the dank room. His face muscles twitched when he stepped through a cobweb but, nonetheless, he continued to the fireplace that was stuffed with newspapers.

"I can't imagine April hanging out in a place like this." Donnie muttered, frowning at the collection of water centipedes inhabiting the clogged sink.

The roof was leaking due to the storm but the walls kept the wind from hitting them so it wasn't all that bad.

"There's some blankets and canned food." Leo went toward the bedroom area and opened the door. His face showed surprised for only a moment before he sighed the expression away and enter the empty room. It looked like someone had come along and picked off a lot of the furniture. The mattress was gone and all that was left was the box spring and curtains. When Leo opened the closet door, he was relieved to find the stack of blankets still left behind.

"We have to stay here for a whole week?" Mikey asked, coming up behind Leo. He watched his older brother pick up the blankets and shake off a few runaway cockroaches. "I don't suppose they have canned pizza, huh?" He asked, taking the stack of blankets from Leo and watching as his brother wordlessly went back into the livingroom.

Mikey sighed and he looked around the bedroom until a shot of thunder forced him to go back to where his brothers were. He moved close to the fireplace and sat down on the floor.

"Well, let's light this baby up." Raphael rubbed his hands together as he moved toward the fireplace.

"What are you going to do? Rub two sticks together?" Mikey retorted, leaning closer to the fireplace to check up the chimney.

Raphael knelt down and grabbed a few of the rumpled newspapers. "Why not? Rubbing two sticks together lights you up pretty fast, doesn't it?" He smirked and unraveled one of the pages to see the date; the newspaper was from eight years ago.

Mikey thought about what Raphael had said and began to think about them grinding up against each other erotically. He wondered if any of his brothers would be up for some play time...he didn't want to ask though. They all seemed to have a lot more on their minds right now.

"It's weird that you're so quiet." Raphael said, reading the paper then crumpling it up and reading another.

"I don't like when you guys say that. I just don't feel like talking now." Mikey was getting tired of them all bringing up his sudden quietness.

"It's weird when you're not joking around all the time, too." Raphael continued.

Mikey frowned more and began to shake out the blankets again. "There's nothing to joke about." He looked over to Donnie and Leo who were settling down on the floor close by and taking a couple of blankets to spread around. "We're out here in the middle of nowhere while Sensei is back home all by himself."

"Come on, Mikey, you're not the type to wallow in depression. Even in the really bad times, you always had something good to say." Raphael tossed the papers away and sat back, looking somewhat expectantly at Mikey.

"Why not tell us a story?" Donnie suggested. "It's the perfect setting for a ghost story. Storming weather, creepy cabin in the woods." He smiled softly to try and cheer Mikey up.

"This place is scary enough without having to add a story behind it." Raphael muttered then grabbed Mikey shell and pulled him back towards him. "How about a kiss instead. I know an effective way we could all warm ourselves up throughout the night." He said with a serious tone and a lustful look in his eyes.

Mikey looked into his eyes then looked to Leo and Donnie. "Only if everyone else wants to, too."

Leo was watching with half interest but smiled softly when Mikey asked.

Donnie looked away and tapped at his tech equipment to seem busy. No signal, no signal, no signal...he sighed and looked up, noticing all eyes were on him now. "...Oh,...well,...I-I guess that would be okay."

"You don't have to." Leo said. "We all understand that's it's too soon for you."

"It's not that." Donnie shrugged then smiled a little at Leo. "I just want to be with you first."

Leo blushed slightly and looked down at his hands in his lap. All he could feel toward Donnie was regret for lying to him. He wanted his brother but he wasn't sure if he was allowed to have him until he came clean. But he couldn't come clean. He'd lose a piece of Donnie that he valued the most; his trust.

Mikey smiled a little easier and sat up onto his knees. "We'll pair up then. You and Leo; Me and Raph." He turned to Raphael and put his arms around his neck, smiling for only a moment. His smile had left when he saw a darkness inside of Raphael's eyes. They were narrowed and focused on Donatello.

"What's wrong?" Mikey asked quietly.

Raphael looked back at Mikey but stayed quiet. Was he the only one who was offended that Donnie wanted to be with Leo first? Sure, Raphael had him first in the room but that was different.

"What's wrong?" Mikey asked again, getting a general idea of what the problem could be. He understood there was something negative between his two brothers.

"Nothing." Raphael finally said.

"...Do you want Donnie instead of me?" Mikey asked. He wasn't exactly feeling offended by it but he _was_ a little put off with the drama brewing between them.

"What? No." Raphael pulled away from Mikey, annoyed he would say that. He looked back to Donnie and Leo who were avoiding a lot of eye contact. "I just don't see why he wants to be with Leo first." He said then narrowed his eyes again and got Donnie's attention with a growl. "Are you still fucking afraid of me? Is that it?"

"Don't take it personally, Raph." Donnie looked down and pretended to play with his tech wrist. "I just don't want to be in a big orgy. I want to be with one of you guys at a time...I want it to be special."

"That's virgin talk. None of us are virgins." Raphael grumbled. "And why Leo then? You could have just said you want to be with one of us at a time. Why Leo?"

"Raph, don't make things worse. Donnie's nervous, okay." Mikey defended. "There's nothing wrong with him wanting to be with our older brother first. Don't be jealous."

"It's not nerves." Raphael glared at Donnie. "You think I'll hurt you again. I bet you think that's all I'm capable off."

Donnie raised his head up and scowled at Raphael. "What do you want me to say, Raph?" He said sourly then took off his tech watched and dropped it aside. "Do you want me to tell you to go ahead and fuck me, is that's what you want. Well, fine. If you're going to make such a big deal about it then fuck me. I don't care anymore." His words were bitter and Raphael's face scrunched up at the taste of them.

"No one's fucking anyone. Calm down, all of you." Leo raised up his hand when he saw Raphael opening his mouth again. "I'm not sure if I need to separate you all in different rooms or force you guys to talk it out." He muttered. "But I sure as fuck don't think I need to tell you guys how stupid you look fighting over who gets to fuck who." Leo directed his eyesight to Raphael. "He's your brother, Raph. Treat him that way."

Mikey couldn't help but noticed the tiredness in Leo's tone and piped up to try and help out. "Your bad vibes are killing the mood." He got onto his knees then smiled a little. "Why not hug it out? A little gentle touching between you two might help with all this stress you guys are creating."

"Pretty boy here doesn't believe I can even be gentle. Look, he fucking flinched when you even suggested it." Raphael noticed.

"Why shouldn't I believe that? You're already being a total asshole and ruining the moment. All you ever want to do is break things. Why shouldn't I be afraid of you?" Donnie snapped, matching Raphael's glare.

Raphael's teeth were grinding and any words forming in his head were screaming too loud that he couldn't make sense of them enough to speak them out loud.

"Well, that's the problem right there." Mikey said, bring the attention back onto him. "You're afraid of Raphael because you haven't seen his soft side in awhile."

"It doesn't exist. Look at him." Donnie gestured back to Raphael before grabbing his tech watch and fiddling with it once more. "He can't even speak, he's so angry. No doubt he's calling me every name in the book inside that thick skull of his."

Mikey shrugged and smiled softly. "Shows his restraint for not yelling them at you though, right?"

Donnie didn't answer nor seem to be listening any more and Raphael squeezed his fists tightly.

"Donnie, Raphael's been gentle plenty of times. Remember when we were little? He isn't always rough and angry." Mikey looked to Raphael then shook his head. "Why can't you just show him, Raph? That's all he's wanting to see."

"I don't want to see anything." Donnie's voice was now monotone and distant.

Raphael growled again.

"Well, there's only one way to solve this." Mikey stood up. "Leo, come with me to the bedroom."

Leo looked up at Mikey then got to his feet and followed him back.

The door shut behind them and Raphael was still glaring at Donnie who had long since ignored him.

"Is it so fucking hard for you to even look at me?" He snapped then narrowed his eyes. "Hey, foureyes, I'm talkin' to you."

"Foureyes. Is that as creative as you can get?" Donnie murmured, scooting around so that most of his shell faced Raphael.

"You little—" Raphael bit his tongue and growled again.

* * *

Leo touched Mikey's hips and gently pushed him up against the wall. "They're stubborn, Mikey. You know they're just going to sit in silence while we're gone."

"Nah, Raphael will crack first. He'll try hard to get Donnie's attention. I just hope they can stop being stubborn long enough to realize that they love each other." Mikey then blushed and rubbed his hands against Leo's plastron. "He said Donnie's name once when we were making out. And he was finding it hard to...keep it up with me. I think a talk with Donnie will help a lot of his problems. Besides, helping them helps me not to think about where we are."

Leo smiled sympathetically and he leaned forward, nipping at Mikey's neck. "Things will be okay, I promise."


	42. Chapter 42

Leo was right about one thing; Donnie and Raphael were stubborn. They sat across the room from each other with their shells turned. Donnie had stopped pretending to play with his tech device and instead was looking up at the rain water sliding down the sink windowpane.

Raphael was watching water drip from down the chimney and hit the newspapers. He wasn't sure how long they sat in silence but even a minute was too long for him. So, just like Mikey had predicted, Raphael was the first to break. He looked over his shoulder at Donnie before grabbing one of the blankets and tossing it across the room at his brother.

Don gasped when the blanket covered his head. He quickly pulled it off and examined it before looking over his shoulder at Raphael.

"It's cold." Raph said, explaining his actions and turning back to the dead fireplace.

Donnie looked back down at the blanket. "Thanks."

After another few minutes, Raphael broke the silence once more as he grabbed some more newspapers and stuffed them into the chimney to try and block the draft. He got up to his feet and sighed loudly, intentionally hoping to draw some attention from Donnie.

Donnie looked back again, curious and a little apprehensive.

"I can't tell if they're listening to us and waiting for us to make up or if they're fucking each other right now." Raph muttered, walking toward the bedroom and pushing his head against the door. He heard some mumbling but couldn't make out the words being said. Regardless, it didn't sound like they were fucking—at least not very loudly.

He walked away from the door and moved around the room as if the walls were suddenly very interesting.

Donnie only paid attention to how close Raphael was getting and he tensed up when Raphael walked over to the kitchen window.

"This place isn't too bad." Raph looked out the window into the forest. "It's not home though." He was starting to get annoyed by Donnie's quietness. He turned around and crossed his arms, looking down at Don who avoided the eye contact. "Can you just say something? Anything?"

"..." Donnie shrugged then picked at the fabric of the blanket. "I miss home, too." He finally said.

Raphael nodded and looked aside, noticing a few water centipedes crawl away from the sink. He straightened up and scowled at them before smashing one and flicking away another.

"I miss home and my lab...and I miss dad." Donnie lowered his head more, upset. "I miss how everything was before."

Raphael looked back to Donnie after swatting another bug away and he watched him, unsure of how to respond. He took a step over and lowered his arms to his sides. "Yeah, me too."

Donnie quickly looked up, watching Raphael with unease as he came closer. He shifted away slightly when Raphael knelt down beside him but he didn't say anything against it.

Raphael sat back and he reached over, taking the blanket gently. He felt like any sudden movement would scare Donnie away. It was almost as if Donnie were a timid deer and not a ninja turtle. He situated the blanket to cover more of Donnie's lap then he brought his hand up and cupped Donnie's cheek. "Everything changed so fast." He said then lowered his hand and crossed his legs. "Everything's all fucked up. Leo seems to be the only one with a plan to get—"

"I remember when we were younger," Donnie said, cutting Raphael off.

Raphael looked expectantly at Donnie and held his breath, hoping for something good to grasp at.

"I don't remember how old we were but you were into a lot of the pranks that Mikey went around pulling."

"That must have been a _very_ long time ago." Raphael said, vaguely remembering that period of his life. Mikey's pranks were funny up to a point. He joined in a few on occasion but usually he was the butt of them now.

"You guys pulled a prank on me and I ended up breaking one of my inventions."

Raphael suddenly remembered very well what Donnie was talking about and he felt both guilty over it and annoyed that it was being brought up.

"I don't remember what it was that broke but I remember you tried to fix it. You couldn't," Donnie smiled slightly, "but you tried. That's about the time you stopped pulling pranks with Mikey. You even came into my lab more often to watch me work."

Raphael smiled a little now too, hoping that Donnie was recalling a good memory of him as a way of forgiving him.

"I know you can be sweet." Donnie continued. "I know you care about me—"

Raphael opened his mouth.

"—I know you love me." he added, making Raphael close his mouth. "Like I keep saying, I know you're not a bad person and you did what you had to do. I know that in my head but everything still hurts and I can't help how I feel. It was so horrible." Donnie's lip quivered now and Raphael scooted closer, bringing up his hand to cup Donnie's chin. Donnie leaned into the touch now. "I feel like I'm the only one suffering because of it. I feel like I'm the only one who's scared." He whimpered.

"You're not the only one, Don." Raphael tilted his head and looked into his brother's wet eyes. "I mean, look at Leo. Leo's so paranoid he pushed us out here in the middle of the woods to try and keep us safe...Mikey doesn't laugh as much as he use to and I...I feel like I've lost everything. You're not the only one who's scared but you _are_ the one who I've been worrying about the most." He admitted, rubbing his thumb against Donnie's jawline. "I'm so afraid of losing you, Donnie. You're so far away from me and I don't know how to get you back."

Donnie blinked and some tears escaped. He pulled his head back from Raphael and wiped his eyes.

Raph lowered his hand to his lap but continued to try for eye contact. When he got the eye contact again he reached out his hand and rested it onto Donnie's hand that had retreated to his lap. "Can I kiss you?" He asked, leaning in slightly but trying not to make his brother nervous.

Donnie looked down at Raphael's hand on his and he battled himself over his answer. He wanted to give Raphael a chance. He knew Raphael deserved one but he was afraid of getting hurt again. However, reminding himself that the first time wasn't Raphael's fault helped him come to an answer.

"Yeah..." Donnie still stared at their hands. He felt Raphael leaning in closer and he closed his eyes, raising his head just slightly.

Raphael touched his snout against Donnie's cheek then tilted his head and pressed his lips to Donnie's.

The kiss was quicker that Raphael had expected. Donnie had pulled away almost instantly and Raphael was startled by the sudden end of the kiss. But he sat back again and accepted it as a good start for their relationship.

It was quiet once more between them but Raphael didn't feel the strong need to break the silence anymore.

Donnie's heart was beating fast. The only thought running through his head right now was that moment he began to crush on Raphael. They were so young and Raphael was so brave; he did anything to save them even back when they were no taller than a house cat. "Thank you." Donnie mumbled.

"For what?"

"For asking." Donnie smiled a little. "That sounds weird but..." Donnie shrugged and he turned his hand over, holding Raphael's in his grip. "You can kiss me again, if you want."

Raphael's eyes widened slightly and he smiled. "Come closer." He said softly.

Donnie looked up with his eyes then blinked to look aside and scooted closer. He leaned in to Raphael and gave off a barely audible churr when Raphael cupped his face and pressed their lips together again.

Donnie didn't pull back this time.


End file.
